billyhaisley Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Brief History Of Gonzalo Higuaín Being A Choke Artist
Just when we thought Lionel Messi would finally end Argentina’s trophy drought and in the process get those dumb doubters from his native homeland off his back for good this weekend, Gonzalo Higuaín went ahead and shat the bed. Since we can’t sing the G.O.A.T.’s praises today, let’s at least take so...
Andrea Pirlo Is Getting PAID In MLS
Despite doling out reams of cash to players like David Villa and Frank Lampard, MLS debutantes NYCFC hadn’t yet snared that big-name, face-of-the-franchise type player you knew they wanted. Until today, that is, when they consummated a months-long flirtation by making Andrea Pirlo the highest-paid p...
Chilean Satire Mag Makes A Funny About Messi Getting Finger Up His Butt
“Get ready, Messi,” Chilean magazine The Clinical writes, riffing on Chile defender Gonzalo Jara’s recent finger-in-the-butthole move, as well as Lionel Messi’s oft-mentioned otherworldly abilities ahead of Saturday’s Chile-Argentina Copa América final. Pretty clever, you guys!...
Lionel Messi Turns Two Defenders Into Larry And Moe
Look at the image above. It appears to show two well-positioned Paraguayan defenders on the cusp of shepherding the ball away from Lionel Messi. Now, watch the video below, where Messi skips past one, nutmegs the other, and generally jukes them so hard that they crash into each other, left helpless ...
How The USWNT Finally Figured It Out
After toiling in mediocrity for the whole tournament, with players playing out of position, no organizational structure, and no defined individual roles, the USWNT finally came out last night looking like the World Cup favorites we all thought they’d be. Because of that, we’re left with one question...
Spain Files Legal Appeal Against Qatar's Winter World Cup
Before Swiss agents rolled up on Zurich’s Baur au Lac hotel, snatched a handful of top FIFA execs, and put in motion the series of events that would culminate in their president’s resignation, soccer’s governing body seemed pretty much omnipotent. That day has changed, thankfully, and people are mak...
FIFA Screwed France Out Of The Tournament, And It's Bullshit
Immediately following France’s loss to Germany in the Women’s World Cup quarterfinal, a rightfully frustrated Camille Abily lashed out at FIFA’s seeding protocols. As anyone who bothered to look ahead could see, those teams—probably the two best in the world—were always on a collision course at that...
Deadspin Up All Night: Space? Space.
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s see what these Canadians can do, eh?...
Japan Score Scruffy Goal From A Corner, Progress To World Cup Semifinal
Look, they won’t all be wondrous moves drenched with class, genius, and magic pixie dust. But a winner is a winner, and Japan finally got theirs near the very end of their quarterfinal matchup against Australia....
Arda Turan Wants To Leave Atlético Because The Coach Makes Him Run A Lot
“To earn more for doing less,” Marca’s report on Atlético Madrid’s unsettled Turkish star begins. “It is many people’s dream and among them, apparently, is Arda Turan.” And while the reality of his discontent isn’t quite that tidy, it’s basically accurate....
Looking For A Job? Apply To Be The NFL's New Director Of Investigations!
Want to aid the NFL in its quest to rid itself of the scourge that is player misconduct? Ever find yourself shaking your head at the bone-headed mistakes that ruin one of their innumerable faulty investigations? Think you can do better? Then by all means, apply here for the league’s newest position,...
French Player Slams FIFA: "They Have To Stop Taking Us For Idiots"
As undeniably awesome as last night’s France-Germany match was, it was complete and utter bullshit that these two teams were forced to meet in the quarterfinals. Far from being an unforeseen, unlucky occurrence, this is exactly as FIFA planned it. And France’s Camille Abily, for one, is none too hap...
France Built The World's Best Women's Soccer Team And Still Lost
Not even a minute into last night’s highly-anticipated, criminally-premature title fight that was France vs. Germany, Les Bleues were off on one of their typical jaunts towards goal, one that exemplified everything that makes them such a special team....
Giancarlo Stanton Reportedly Has Broken Bone In Hand; Everything Sucks
Giancarlo Stanton has been crushing baseballs all season long, smacking out an MLB-leading 27 homers and driving in an MLB-leading 67 runs. So you can understand everyone’s trepidation when he announced some sort of hand injury suffered during yesterday’s game against the Dodgers. And it looks like ...
Spain's Women's Team Is A Catastrophe, And It Doesn't Need To Be
In the week since the players for the Spanish women’s national team released their open letter requesting the firing of manager Ignacio Quereda, more and more has come to light about just how officious and reprehensible his leadership has been over the entirety of his 27 years in charge....
Sepp Blatter Out Here Like "Hold Up. Who Said Anything About <i>Resigning</i>?"
Is Sepp Blatter just insane or what? That’s about the only question that comes to mind when you hear that, yes, as reports hinted at a couple weeks ago, ol’ Sepp doesn’t actually plan on relinquishing his grasp of the FIFA presidency any time soon—this time coming from the man himself....
Evil Soccer Man Sticks His Fingers Up Opponent's Butthole
What part of “you can’t use your hands” don’t you get, Gonzalo Jara? And Cavani was the one who got sent off? There’s no justice in this world....
Japan Scored The Best WWC Goal I've Ever Seen With My Own Two Eyes
This is just, wow....
Netherlands Player Busts Her Ass While Whiffing On Shot
We should be talking about this great run and the exquisite pass and maybe one of the best team moves in the tournament so far, but right before Dutch winger Manon Melis could crown the moment with a goal, she screwed it all up. More than whatever turf-burn she got from the fall, her bruised ego has...