dashiell-bennett-old Page 35 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Zach Randolph's Head Continues To Wreak Havoc
Just seven games into his pro career, Grizzlies rookie Hasheem Thabeet breaks his jaw after running into his teammate's rather prodigious melon. Can you eat Memphis BBQ through a straw? [Photo via Memphis Commercial Appeal]...
An Apt Metaphor For The Raiders Season?
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
More High School Sports Titles Decided By Technicalities
A Kansas gymnastics team was docked one point at the state championship meet—enough to drop them from first to third in the final standings—because their coach made an "illegal inquiry." She asked was the score was....
You Better Learn To Recognize Michigan's AD, Honey
Since picking on Rich Rodriguez has become a little too easy lately, here's a new plotline for Michigan mockers to pursue....athletic director Bill Martin reduced to pulling the "Do you know who I am?" routine in his own stadium....
I Loved It. It Was Much Better Than "The Bengals"
Broadway is producing a play about the life of Vince Lombardi. Because the only thing liberal East Coast elitst theatergoers love more than football is people from Wisconsin. [WSOCTV]...
Marat Safin Says Agassi Is "Stupid", Should "Shut Up"
Tennis-playing dude Marat Safin isn't exactly broken up over revelations that fellow competitor Andre Agassi was addicted to crank. If he feels so bad about it now, Safin says, then why not give back all that money he didn't win?...
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Has Rare Form Of Leukemia
Tell your old man to drag chronic myeloid leukemia up and down the floor for the last year. The good news is that Kareem got a sponsorship deal with the company that makes his medication, so free drugs! [NYTimes/ESPN]...
He'll Never Be Banned From The Gambling Hall of Fame
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Desperate Redskins Fans Export Angry Sign Holding Jobs
Since Generalissimo Snyder has banned all forms of public expression with his eyesight, Washington fans who wished to mock him were forced to drive to Atlanta just to put bags over their head and look sad....
Hey, Look At That! It's College Basketball Season!
Funny how it sneaks up on you, huh? The regular season begins in fitting fashion tonight as the defending champs take on Isiah Thomas in a game he didn't want to coach and no one else wants to watch. Beautiful....
Memphis Football Coach Thinks Memphis Maybe Shouldn't Have A Football Team
This is why you generally don't let the coach that you just fired hold a press conference to tell everyone why your school sucks so much. "Help this football program....or do away with it." [MyFoxMemphis, via OnlineSportsGuys]...
Girls Soccer Is Now The Ultimate Combat Sport
You thought New Mexico's Elizabeth Lambert was tough? Wait until you see the next generation of female soccer hooligans who will take over America with their very unladylike football skills....
Jenn Sterger Says Goodbye To Some Old Friends
"In an effort to reinvent myself, in a cut throat industry that was becoming more and more competitive the deeper I swam, I made the decision to go against the grain and remove my implants." Courage, America. Courage. [Officially...Jenn]...
Larry Johnson Raises Kansas City's Unemployment Rate By One
The Chiefs have released the unhappy running back, denying him the chance to break the team's all-time rushing yards mark. (He was 75 shy of Priest Holmes' record.) There really is no I in "public relations nightmare"team. [KansasCityStar]...
Tony Romo Wins The Weekend
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Tony Romo, who won the weekend by not making a complete spectacle of himself. When no one notices you, you're probably doing your job right....
Al Michaels Would Like To Clear Something Up
I don't know if this was Al, a phlegmy Cris Collinsworth, or one very sick statistician, but who the hell hocked up a (presumably) gigantic loogie on air last night? Do they have spittoons in the booth? [Video via NBC]...
Making Out At The Game? Bring Your Own Cheering Section
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Chris Dudley Will Rebuild Oregon Brick By Brick
The former NBA "big man" is running for governor of Oregon, as a Republican. "He's a solid guy, and Oregonians know that." If by "solid," you mean he played the post like he had lead feet, then yeah. [AP]...
Elizabeth Lambert Is Now America's Greatest Villain
The internet is both titillated and enraged (pretty standard for the internet, actually) over the video of an angelic young soccer player nearly decapitating her opponent via ponytail yanking. But does she deserve your scorn or your pity?...
What Terrible Football Organization Will You Be Protesting This Weekend?
Are you a football fan? Then there's a good chance your favorite team sucks. Sorry. But if you really want people to feel your pain, you'll organize some sort of protest of upper management, because that always makes things better....