dashiell-bennett-old Page 69 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Magglio Ordonez Loses His Magically Silky Hair
After being benched for terribleness, the Tigers "slugger" has shorn his legendary flowing locks. (You can maybe buy them on eBay.) So did it have the intended Reverse Samson effect? Two-for-four! Against the Cubs? Ok, that's inconclusive evidence. [Detroit4Lyfe]...
LSU Is Your National Oyster Diving Champions
I believe that's what this sign refers to. No one is really sure what those SEC schools are up to when football isn't in season. [Daily Reveille]...
Off-Duty Cop Shoots Two People In Angels' Parking Lot
An incident in the parking lot at Angel Stadium last night began when two men hit another man in the head in with a beer bottle and ended when the third man pulled out his gun and shot them....
The United States-Spain Aftermath: Fun With Google Translations
"Suddenly, the fluid Xavi football, friendships imaginative patent associations disappeared. United States, with its two lines that tightened the nuts of a submarine, had sprayed the tiqui-taca."...
Obama To Throw Out First Pitch At All-Star Game
He will be the first president to attend an All-Star Game since Gerald Ford, but only the third White Sox fan to get drunk and beat up a first base coach. [MLB.com]...
L.A.'s World Champion Looters In Action
The Times has video footage of Laker fans looting a convenience store and it's an impressive display of teamwork, precision, and commitment—unlike the actual NBA Finals. [LA Times]...
The Greatest Upset In The History Of Sports (This Week)
The United States has just flabbergasted the world, ending Spain's 35-match unbeaten streak with a 2-nil shutout of the planet's No. 1 team. Put that in your vuvuzela and blow on it....
Sportswear Company Outplays Nike, Loses Anyway
It's a classic underdog tale—an upstart company devises a brilliant product plan, employs pluck and good fortune to make their dream a reality, and takes on the big boys....and then is summarily crushed by a large, multinational corporation....
Phil Jackson Only Interested In Coaching Home Games
Jackson says he would consider letting assistant Kurt Rambis coach some road games next season, so that the old man wouldn't have to travel so much. And maybe Kobe could only play on even-numbered Saturdays! [ESPN]...
The Superstars Loses Its Superstar
By now you've certainly seen the video of Joanna Krupa going all Terrell Owens on....Terrell Owens (language NSFW), but if you didn't actually watch "The Superstars" last night than you must hate Americana and apple pie, baby....
The Tiny Plastic Horn That Will Ruin The World Cup
If you've watched the Confederations Cup, you have no doubt been annoyed by the mysterious buzzing sound that drowns out even the TV announcers. Well, get used to it, because that sound will haunt you throughout next year's World Cup....
Deep Inside The Yankee-Marlin Fan Brawl
We received some new "information" about the Yankee Fan-Marlin Fan fight video you all enjoyed so much, and while we didn't really confirm any of it, it's only fair to (sorta) tell at least one side of the story....
Ryne Sandberg Joins Wade Boggs In The "Stay Out Of Our Club" Brigade
If you are currently in the Hall of Fame and anywhere near a microphone, please state your preference on whether “steroid era” players deserve plaques like yours. Ryne Sandberg is the latest to go on record with a “no.”...
A Sean Avery-Mark Sanchez Love Triangle Could Save New York City
Avery spotted "canoodling" with Sanchez's lady-model friend Hilary Rhoda. So Sean might be dating a girl who used to date someone else? Why hasn't someone invented a catchy phrase to describe this very situation? [NY Post; photo via SI]...
Flip Your Way To Internet Stardom
The first is the "bat trick" of Long Beach Armada outfielder Josh Womack doing ... something ... with his bat. The odd thing about this one is that it's been online for over a month and there's a different video of him doing the same thing from over a year ago, yet this week is when it somehow decid...
Getting To Know Your Draft Clichés
The Kurtenblog finds meaning in the meaningless announcer drivel that populates the NHL Draft. Yes, they have one, too! But it works for pretty much any sporting event where analysts have no idea what they're talking about. [Orland Kurtenblog]...
Drunk Golfer Tries To Drive Home In Rented Golf Cart
A golf cart may seem safer than a regular car—especially when you've just downed 10 beers over 18 holes—but that does not mean you should try to drunk drive one home after a day on the links....
Vernon Davis Carries A "Murse"
That's a "man purse" for those who are confused. However, the 49ers tight end only carries it to a "beach, pool party or outdoor event." So pants optional activities = bring your murse. Got it. [Honey Magazine]...
USC Knows How To Pick Coaches
Trojan athletic director Mike Garrett says he'll put his hiring record up against anybody's record, provided that record doesn't include all the coaches who turned him down before he was stuck with Pete Carroll....
Dodger Lies Make Baby Jesus (And Bloggers) Cry
After all the effort I expended learning about the Inland Empire 66ers, Manny Ramirez will actually be playing his first minor league pre-post-suspension game for the Albuquerque Isotopes, forcing me to work even harder to dig up obscure Simpsons references....