dashiell-bennett-old Page 77 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
No, We're Suing You!
University of Kentucky is countersuing Billy Gillispie saying that he's a stupid head who can't even write his own name. (Also something about jurisdiction and picking the wrong defendant.) Gillispie's lawyers plan to counter with the popular "takes one to know one" defense. [ESPN]...
Derrick Rose Needed A Lot Of Help Getting Into College
One day after being (sorta) implicated in an academic scandal at the University of Memphis, a new report claims that Derrick Rose may have had his high school grades changed in order to fool colleges that he was applying to. Didn't this guy do any of his own homework?...
The Coolest Kids At The National Spelling Bee
The Scripps National Spelling Bee is going primetime tonight, but if you weren't in front of a TV this afternoon then you missed out on the drama, the haircuts, and the soul crushing tween angst that makes competitive spelling such a riveting spectator sport....
A Sad Day For ... Uh, Tennis?
Well-proportioned Romanian phenom Simona Halep is reportedly planning breast-reduction surgery, because her superhuman chest somehow doesn't help her play tennis. Or is she?...
How Conan O'Brien Ruined The Stanley Cup Finals
For the first time in 54 years, two Stanley Cup Finals games will be played on back-to-back nights. Why the rush? Because NBC doesn't want boring old hockey games cluttering up their precious Law & Order reruns....
Billy Gillispie Isn't Done With Kentucky Either
As if Kentucky didn't have enough to deal with from their current coach, the guy they fired to get him, Billy Gillispie, is now suing the athletic department for the $6 million he says they owe him on the contract that he never actually signed. Legal mumbo jumbo awaits.......
Memphis Accused Of "Major" Recruiting Violation
Hey, John Calapari! I know you were very eager to pack up your stuff and get down to your new, better gig at Kentucky, but I think that in your haste you may have left something behind in Memphis. An NCAA investigation into a fraudulent SAT test!...
No Gatorade Machine Is Safe From Zambrano's Wrath
Carlos Zambrano did not make it through his start against the Pirates today and neither did the Gatorade dispenser in the Cubs dugout. Carlos gets ejected, but it's always the electrolytes that have to pay the price....
Florida State Takes Strong Stance On Chair-On-Face Violence
Florida State wide receiver Richard Goodman was arrested and charged with a felony for that on campus brawl last fall and has been suspended from the team. Oh, so suddenly the Seminoles doesn't want their players hitting women in the face with chairs? Sheesh, make up your mind. [Orlando Sentinel]...
Don't Let The Sun Go Down On The Bird People
Denver may or may not succeed in keeping Kobe Bryant from his eternal destiny, but at least they are making things interesting. The series heads back to Los Angeles tied at 2, but anything that keeps goofballs like Chris Andersen in the "spotlight" a little longer is okay by me....
Patrick Roy Is Not Interested In Saving Your Lousy Franchise
Patrick Roy finally admits that he was indeed offered the Colorado Avalanche coaching job, but has turned it down for "family reasons." Is the "reason" that his family is filled with insane, violent rageaholics? [Denver Post]...
Barcelona and Manchester United Fight Over World's Remaining Marbles
I think I can say without hyperbole that for soccer nuts, today is like Christmas, Fourth of July, and the Super Bowl all rolled into one—only 100 million times bigger. It's the UEFA Champions League Final Day ... and you stupid Yanks are stuck at work!...
This Is Why Football Does Not Have Innings
A ridiculous experiment in "inning-based" football degenerated into a bench-clearing, crowd-rioting brawl, all because former Michigan quarterback Todd Collins does not understand the basic principles of clock management....
College Kid Sleeps On Toilet Before Amazing Runs
College student Justin Weber didn't have a hotel room the night before running a big ten-mile race, so he slept in a port-a-john. Then he won the race in the morning. I don't know about you, but I think that story is a bunch of crap. [The Jock Itch]...
Sidney Crosby Taunts The Hockey Gods
The Penguins polished off a nice cold pitcher of Hurricanes last night, earning a return trip to the Stanley Cup Finals and a chance at redemption. Then captain Sidney Crosby just thumbed his nose at all that by skating around the ice with the Prince of Wales Trophy....
Uh Oh, Cleveland
No one is saying the city of Cleveland should be panicking right now, but it does seem like hoarding canned goods and putting your life savings into mason jars would not be the worst idea in the world. All is ... not well....
Tim Tebow Turns Away Hotter Stuff Than You Can Dream Of
Percy Harvin, presented without comment: "If I could trade places for a day with anyone: Tim Tebow....We saw all kind of actors and news reporters just kind of blatantly say, "Tebow, I want you." And he turned them down. I'm looking at him, like, "Man, you are crazy." [Pioneer Press]...
What's A Little Theft And Fraud Between Teammates?
Anthone Lott is a Florida Gator through and through. He's so devoted to his alma mater and his former championship teammates that when he wants to swindle someone in a crooked construction deal, only fellow Gator cornerbacks will do for marks....
Carlos Marmol Leaves Team To Be With Wife (Not Pictured: His Wife)
Cub reliever Carlos Marmol is taking a leave of absence from his day job to fly to New York, as his wife is scheduled to give birth there this week. So then who was the very non-pregnant "female companion" he was snuggling with two weeks ago?...
Michael Jordan Loves Chicago Almost As Much As He Loves Nike
An animatronic Jordan doll donned a Blackhawks jersey at the United Center this weekend, to show his support for the "hometown" boys—but not before he had team officials sew a red patch over the Reebok logo. Nothing to see here, Mr. Knight! [Puck Daddy]...