drewmagary Page 30 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Hater’s Guide To March Madness 2016
It’s that time of year again … time to say rotten, hateful things about every team in the NCAA tournament bracket. And what a bunch of shitty, corrupt teams they are! I don’t think there’s ever been a tournament featuring so many schools that are in the middle of horrifying scandals: Yale, Cal, Oreg...
Please Shame Me Into Not Using My Phone While I Pee
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Skins’ Proposed Stadium Has Moat, Is Fucking Stupid
Continuing with the timeless tradition of NFL teams extolling the virtues of a futuristic, unworkable stadium plan that your city does not want or need, here is the Worst Franchise On Earth unveiling their proposed new stadium, which has clearly been rastafied by at least 10 percent....
Warriors Games Should Be On Earlier, Dammit
As you’re probably aware, the Golden State Warriors are currently 57-6 and have a legit shot at beating the NBA’s single-season win record. They’re the sort of once-in-a-lifetime superteam that has captured the imaginations of diehards and casual fans alike, and I would very much like to watch them ...
Did The Warriors Break LeBron James?
The Cleveland Cavaliers aren’t winning the NBA title this season. You know it, I know it, and somewhere deep down, Cavs forward and baldness cure test subject LeBron James has to know it, too. He has to know that he’s only got a few more years left in him, and those years are likely to be spent watc...
Report: Peyton Manning, Who Can't Play Anymore, Won't Play Anymore
According to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, who presumably had to work for years just for the right to be the first person to tweet it, Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning will announce his retirement tomorrow. What awaits Manning in the football afterlife? Coaching? Ownership? Broadcasting? Diplomatically ...
Should The U.S. Boycott The Rio Olympics?
Oh, hey, looks like Olympic organizers in Rio won’t be able to clear the water of raw sewage in time for this summer’s Olympics. How much danger does poop water present to our athletes, and should we consider, you know, NOT making them compete in poop water by boycotting the whole thing? That’s just...
Watch John Oliver MURDERSLAY Donald Trump
Making fun of Donald Trump is remarkably easy, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t satisfying. So why not sit back and watch self-described parrot banker John Oliver comprehensively rip Trump a new moneyhole for 20 solid minutes? You won’t be disappointed. You can’t be disappointed. Sometimes the easiest...
The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars
Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars this year, and he took the gig long before the nominees were announced and everyone got pissed because all of them were white. So here we have one of the greatest social commentators of his generation presiding over a ceremony that is in DESPERATE need of a public fl...
Is Steph Curry Making Other NBA Players Worse?
Steph Curry is a bloodless assassin who could shoot your eyelashes off from a mile away and is destroying the rest of the NBA by nailing shots from near-mid-court on a regular basis. He’s a fucking freak of nature, but is his uncanny long-range ability rubbing off on lesser NBA players (****cough co...
Down With Cold Pizza
In case you missed it, we’ve decided to change up the old Deadcast here and spend 45 minutes every week doing nothing but answering your Funbag questions (Don’t worry, the regular, written version Funbag will stay where it always is). So if you got something on your mind, email the Funbag and we’ll ...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>PAW Patrol</i>
It’s time once again for our ongoing series surveying the awful shows you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours....
I’m Too Old To Enjoy The O.J. Simpson Renaissance
I was hanging out with a friend the other day when I mentioned that FX was gonna start airing a miniseries about the O.J. Simpson trial and he said to me, “I saw that, and I realized that, even after all these years, I’m still fucking sick to death of the whole thing.”...
The One Thing The NFL Will Never Do To Make Football Safer
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Bad Internet Comments Are The Best Thing In The World
Your letters:...
Peyton Manning Can Eat Shit
In some parallel universe, the end of Super Bowl 50 is a heartwarming affair, with an aging legend riding the coattails of a young, brilliant defense to one last title … one glorious final run that ends with a gimpy old man sitting atop the shoulders of his teammates and being carried off into the s...