drewmagary Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
LeBron James Tells The Sports World Exactly What It Wants To Hear
Shortly after LeBron James announced via Sports Illustrated that he was heading back to Cleveland, Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski fired off this tweet, which, given the stature of his pronouncements at times like this, had the general air of a collective verdict:...
<em>Denver Post</em> Columnist Writes The Hottest LeBron Take Ever
In a world where even Dan Shaughnessy will hedge against his own stupidity, we desperately need a local newspaper columnist who isn't afraid to dish out the kind of moral rectitude and one-sentence KABOOM paragraphs that will put the sporting world back on the path to righteousness. We need a hero....
YouTube Video Will Cause Actual Hallucinations
This video, from Kent, purports to have hallucinogenic effects so long as you watch it and follow the instructions. I have watched the video and can confirm: YEP I FEEL WEIRD. But it's totally worth doing it because life is boring and seeing everything turn all wavy is rad....
Why Redshirting Your Kindergartener Is Dumb
Before we get to the Funbag, Craggs wanted me to do a cattle call for audio and/or video of your local nutjob coach screaming at players. So if your indoor equestrian coach is chewing you out for hours at a time, and you had the moxie to take a video of said rant, send it on in. We won't yell at you...
Legendary Shark Puncher Louis Zamperini Dies
Louis Zamperini died Wednesday in Los Angeles. He was 97. You may remember Zamperini from Laura Hillenbrand's bestselling biography of him, Unbroken, which everyone read and then yelled at you to go read. There are many completely insane things that happen in Unbroken. Zamperini becomes a famous ...
The Definitive List Of Excuses For Day Drinking
I missed one of the World Cup games the other day due to family obligations, so I caught up on highlights that night when ESPN did a cut-and-paste re-broadcast of game highlights on ESPN FC, with an anchor introducing the clips like it was an episode of Masterpiece Theater. "When we last left Brazil...
Why Do So Many Sportswriters Love Bruce Springsteen?
Hello. My name is Drew, and I think Bruce Springsteen is just OK. I have never bought one of his albums. I have attended one of his concerts (I was shitfaced), but only one. I used to practice singing "Brilliant Disguise" in the shower when I was in high school so that I could serenade a girl wi...
Great Moments In Terrible Summer Jobs
My first summer job was working at a Little Caesar's in Torrington, CT. Here's a quick pro-tip for all you college kids out there who need a way to pay for beer next semester: NEVER take a restaurant job where cheese is highly prevalent. Pizza, Mexican food, some artisanal fondue joint, etc. I had...
Why Tim Duncan Will Never Be Loved Like Michael Jordan
I was driving home the other day when a horrific accident played out at an intersection in front of the stoplight where I was stopped. I didn't see the initial collision, but I heard the crash and turned my head to see an SUV go rolling down the street, breaking apart like it was Talladega Nights. ...
How To Bandwagon Like You Mean It
We're all born bandwagon fans. We're born without loyalties, and without any sense of obligation to one team or another. Your dad might dress you up in a ROLL TIDE onesie, but that doesn't automatically make you a rabid devotee to the cause. We all begin our relationship with sports casually. Th...
"Go, OJ, Go!": Liveblogging The White Bronco Chase, 20 Years Later
Unlike many people, I don't remember where I was when OJ Simpson took off on that infamous Bronco ride back in 1994. It was summer, so I was probably at my folks' house asking my mom to buy me lots of Killian's Irish Red for freshman year. I remember watching the sheriff on ESPN say that police we...
The World Cup Is Your Kid’s Last Hope
I have three kids, and I have resigned myself to the fact that they will never be sports fans in the way that I am a sports fan. They'll never waste time perusing box scores in the newspaper because newspapers are old and dead. They'll never pledge loyalty to one local team because they have fantasy...
Beef Vs. Pork: WHO YA GOT?!
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering mucus, decapitation, suicide by sledgehammer, and more. ...
Who Is The Skip Bayless Of Ghana (And Italy And England And ...)?
So I watched the U.S. pull off a thrilling win over Ghana last night and after the euphoria died down and I had to take a beer shit, I thought about what local Ghanaian reaction would be to this stinging defeat. Surely, there must be a Bill Plaschke-type back home at the Ghana Ghazette, doling out ...
The Hater’s Guide To The 2014 World Cup
Soccer! Football! The Beautiful Game! OL’ NETTY! Yes, it’s time again for 31 contending nations (plus England) to gather together for the World Cup. Now, soccer people (very much to be confused with pod people) will remind you that the World Cup is the most popular sporting event in the world. ...
Who Is The Most Overused ESPN Personality?
Time for your letters:...
Laser Tag Is Fucking War
My plan was to fart. I ate a shitload of Chinese for lunch and five slices of pizza for dinner (CRUSHED those slices), and so I figured that if I farted long and hard enough, I would inflict damage upon my co-workers, regardless of my actual marksmanship. SHUT UP AND FART SMOG SOMEONE. That was my...
Which Two States Combined Would Make The Best Power State?
Time for your letters:...
I Got Certified To Coach Heads Up Football And It Was A Joke
By now you know that the NFL is being sued by a group of former players who are alleging that their respective teams systematically doped them up and destroyed their bodies, East Germany-style. This comes just as the NFL has perfected its damage control technique when it comes to head injuries. If...