drewmagary Page 76 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Treasure Trove Of Bat-Killing Stories For Your Super Bowl Bye Week
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
Parents: Don't Put Any Goddamn Candy In The Goodie Bag
I go to a lot of children's birthday parties. These parties are virtually identical. You go to a gym, you take off your kid's shoes, you hand your kid over to the 19-year-old girl making $6 an hour and wearing a bright red or blue shirt with the name of the gym on it (PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND...
How To Lose Weight Without Wanting To Kill Yourself
I was at the gym this morning and some old British dude started talking to me in the locker room, which is a huge breach of gym locker room protocol and totally freaked me out. Anyway, he's like, "You should watch your feet." And I looked down at my bare feet on the tile floor, and he was like, "Thi...
Cockblocked By Gum!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Patriot Way Is Now A Load Of Shit
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
9 Things I Learned In The Parent Encouragement Program, AKA Shitty Parents Anonymous
The Parent Encouragement Program is a series of classes and workshops that are available to parents living in the D.C. area. The introductory class is free, and so I went a couple of weeks ago, because it didn't cost anything and because I need all the help I can get. The title of the workshop was "...
Could A Barefoot QB Succeed In The NFL?
Before we get to the Funbag, one quick note: There will be a book signing on Thursday night in DC at the Dodge City bar at 8pm. I'll be around to get drunk and answer your questions about whether nor not Peter King has ever sent me angry emails (Answer: SORT OF!)....
Joe Paterno Wants Us To Believe He Has Never Heard Of "Rape And A Man." Joe Paterno Is Full Of Shit.
Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post scored a precious exclusive interview with Joe Paterno last week and summarily pissed away the opportunity by deploying every tired Paterno cliche that gives Joe Posnanski an erection. He's lived in the same house for dickety-two years! He turned down the Pats be...
Great Moment In Naked Condom Runs
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Does The Cialis Couple Bang On That Ferris Wheel? (And Other Matters)
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed. ...
What If Tim Tebow Were Gay? Your Hypothetical Tebow Questions, Answered
We get a lot of questions at the Deadspin Funbag, but the question we were asked most often during this NFL season was some variation of the following:...
Can You Abandon A Comatose Girlfriend Or Boyfriend?
Your letters:...
Cockblocked By Cam Newton!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
If You Don't Like Bacon On Your Hamburger, Then Screw You
Let's talk about hamburgers for moment, because they're delicious. They're big and moist, and when that little mixture of beefy juices and ketchup runoff goes sliding down your hand and you quickly lick it up like a porn star—well now that's quite a moment. And you know what makes a hamburger even b...
A.J. Daulerio Is A Freakshow Of A Human Being
We're roasting our former editor A.J. Daulerio, who has moved across the room to edit Gawker, a short-form e-book publisher. If you have an A.J. story to share, or if you would like to participate in some other way, please email [email protected]. Lightly sourced slander is welcome. Our guest now ...
The Entire NFL Challenge System Needs To Be Destroyed
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
We Simulated The NFL White Vs. Black Race Bowl On <em>Madden</em> So You Don't Have To
Earlier this week, reader Dustin asked who would win between an all-white NFL All-Pro team and an all-black NFL All-Pro team. Mind you, this question was asked without ANY ROOTING INTEREST, and without any hint of RAYCESSNESS. Are we clear on that? Good. BECAUSE WE TOTALLY SIMULATED THAT RACE WAR ...
2011: The Year We Became The United States Of Trolling
Well, that about wraps up yet another shitty year of the new millennium. I don't know about you, but I personally can't wait to see what future shitty years have in store: rising water prices, a sharp growth in armed RoHoWa militias, a new Pitbull album ... everything shitty is on the table, people....
Never Hook Up In A Bunk Bed
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....