"Duck, Duck, Gray Duck" Isn't Just A Stupid Regionalism, It's A Better Game
A bunch of kids sit in a circle. One kid, who is “it,” walks the circumference, tapping the seated kids one by one, saying “duck, duck,” and then tapping a kid and saying something other than “duck,” and that kid has to chase and tag “it” before “it” makes it back around the circle to sit in the new...
You Cretins Are Going To Get Thousands Of People Killed<em></em>
Here’s what you have to understand about the sort of people who become anchors, nonpartisan pundits, centrist columnists, and cable news political correspondents: They didn’t sign up to be the resistance. They don’t want Donald Trump to fail. They want him to “pivot” and “act presidential.”...
Please No One Tell Joe Scarborough That No One Would Care About His Band If He Weren't On TV
It would absolutely break his heart if you told Morning Joe’s Joe Scarborough that no one would go see his bad band perform if it weren’t for the fact that his real job is hosting a television show, so please, no one tell him....
The Kids Are All Red
Last weekend, as Donald Trump prepared to rally in Florida, Barack Obama laid low after his vacation with Richard Branson, and Hillary Clinton took in some Broadway shows, 250 young leftists from across the country crowded into a Brooklyn church to learn how to spread the good word about socialism....
I Don't Want To Hear Another Fucking Word About John McCain Unless He Dies Or Actually Does Something Useful For Once
John McCain—the original Maverick, ol’ Walnuts, the brave teller of truths—is somehow once again positioning himself, to credulous journalists, as a renegade Republican who isn’t afraid to buck his party, despite his three-decade record of not ever actually bucking his party in any meaningful way....
Don't Volunteer To Be Ambushed On Television
This week, Washington Post media columnist Erik Wemple appeared on Tucker Carlson’s Fox News show, Tucker Carlson’s Inexplicable Tenth Shot At Hosting A Cable News Show....
Republicans Have No Good Reason Not To Impeach Donald Trump<em></em>
It’s been fun, but it’s about time for Republicans to admit that the great Donald Trump experiment isn’t going to work out—for them....
What Bad Thing Did You Do As A Kid?
One day, when I was in fourth or fifth grade, I was waiting for the school bus. Few activities suck more than waiting for a bus in the middle of winter in Minnesota, especially when that bus is just going to take you to dumb school, so I was, obviously, in a foul mood. Eventually a school bus rounde...
The Worst Takes Of 2017
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. What does it have in store for us?...
Harlem's One-Antlered Deer Dies Of Pointless, Endless Political Feud
Today, a white-tailed, one-antlered deer that delighted crowds of Harlem residents for weeks died of stress and fear because the governor of New York is in a perpetual juvenile pissing match with the mayor of New York City....
Here Is A Charming Winter Video To Enjoy Around The Hearth With Friends And Loved Ones
Get your hot cocoa, put on your headphones, and prepare to be transported to a winter wonderland....
A Brief Selection From The Index To Thomas Friedman's New Book
data, see big data...
How To Talk To Your Shithead Liberal Nephew Over The Holidays<em></em>
Congratulations! You won the election. Not you, specifically—unless you’re reading this, Mr. Trump, which, now that your name is in it, you probably are—but your people: Real American Men, where “real” means over 45 and white, “American” means suburban- or rural-residing, and “men” means what it use...
Fuck Everything And Blame Everyone
Blame white people. Blame white men in particular, but reserve plenty of blame for white women. Blame old people, too. Blame rich people, as always. Blame the public at large for Donald fucking Trump getting more votes than Donald Duck. Democracy enacts the will of the public; this is what the publi...
Did Robert Caruso Con The Washington Press—Or Is That What The Russians <i>Want </i>You To Think?
How hard is it to con people in Washington, D.C.? Easier than you might think, considering it’s the place where things like nuclear war get decided. The national-security circuit in particular, with its think tank fellowships and massive government contracts, is one of the juiciest rackets around....
The Election Is Done, By The Way
Here’s how this debate is going to go:...
Why Was NBC Scared Of The Trump Video?
Why was the Washington Post the first outlet to publish the now notorious video of Donald Trump saying horrific things to a braying Billy Bush? According to the Post, NBC, which owns Access Hollywood, had the video first, but delayed reporting on it because of a lengthy legal review:...
What Is The Point Of Tim Kaine?
A presidential running mate mostly is a warm body. He or she makes appearances at rallies and fundraisers, allowing the candidate to appear at different rallies and fundraisers. Tim Kaine can certainly do that. He is said to be a solid campaigner. He can give a speech and, presumably, shake a donor’...
You Found Our Tribute To Vikings History
Last night, the Minnesota Vikings inaugurated their new stadium with a 17-14 victory over the Green Bay Packers. Deadspin celebrated the team’s rich history by buying a commemorative “Legacy Brick” in the plaza outside the stadium, and asking readers to find it....
Can You Find Our Heartfelt Tribute To The Minnesota Vikings Outside Their New Stadium?
On Sunday night, the Minnesota Vikings will play their first regular season home game at their billion-dollar stadium in downtown Minneapolis. To celebrate, the team plans a full afternoon of festivities outside the venue and a Super Bowl-style extended halftime show at the game itself, with perform...