Jordan Sargent

10/23/19

The Dolphins As North Korea

The Miami Dolphins’ loss to the Buffalo Bills on Sunday was their most normal game of the season, which is to say…

10/16/19

The Dolphins Smashed Their Own Dicks To A Pulp, And Then Smashed Them Some More

This past Sunday, the Miami Dolphins failed so flagrantly, so perfectly, in a game so perversely important that was…

10/2/19

Dad Made The Very Sleepy Chargers Get Out Of Bed And Beat The Dolphins

Okay, so I can’t show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played a college football team. But I can…

9/25/19

The Blowhole: Brian Flores Wants To Spoonfeed You Sadness

The most important thing to know about the Miami Dolphins is that their new coach, Brian Flores, treats every game…

3/31/17

Do You Really Want To Know Anything About The Marlins?

Last year was a fun one for the Miami Marlins, until it really, really wasn’t. José Fernández’s death may not…

12/25/16

Kyrie Irving Buried The Warriors Again

Round one between the new-look Warriors and the defending champion Cavaliers went to Cleveland, 109-108, with the…

12/20/16

Jalen Ramsey Is Going To Be A Beast

This season has been completely useless for the Jacksonville Jaguars. After blowing a two-touchdown lead to the…

12/16/16

Video Of Oklahoma RB Joe Mixon Punching Female Student Released

A multi-year legal battle came to a close early this evening when Oklahoma Sooners running back Joe Mixon released…

12/16/16

There Is One Very Good Reason To Watch The Dolphins And Jets On Saturday Night

The Dolphins and Jets play tomorrow night in the first Saturday game of this season. If you didn’t already know…

12/15/16

Kevin Garnett Playfully Roasting Craig Sager's Suits Will Never Not Be The Best

Craig Sager is most fondly remembered for his back-and-forth routine with Gregg Popovich, in which Sager would play…

12/13/16

Jeffrey Loria Is Having A Bad Day

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria has had better weeks. Just a few days after Dodgers closer Kenley Jansen reportedly…

12/13/16

The Arizona Cardinals Are Very Deep In The Trashcan

Two seasons died in Miami on Sunday. One of them belonged to the Dolphins, a team that at the moment holds the AFC’s…

12/6/16

Liberals Cheering On The Electoral College Dope Who Won't Vote For Donald Trump Is Really Frightening

Last night, the New York Times published an editorial written by Christopher Surpun, a “Republican presidential…

12/5/16

Behold Everything Beautiful And Ugly About DeMarcus Cousins

The Knicks and the Kings played last night at Madison Square Garden, and at least for those of us who live in New…

12/2/16

Want A Reason To Watch The Miami Heat? (No?) James Johnson

The Miami Heat have mostly been a mess this season. An already janky roster has suffered injuries everywhere, and…

12/2/16

Hell Yeah, The Rockets Are Good And Fun Again

Football and baseball have a certain way of derailing even the most meticulously planned seasons, but (barring a…

12/1/16

Boomer Esiason Alleges Ex-Agent Planted Story About Darrelle Revis Wanting To Retire

Late last night, New York Daily News Jets beat writer Manish Mehta reported that an anonymous “confidant” of…

11/30/16

Hot Fucking Stove: Don't Touch The Stove It's Extremely Hot

Good news, friends: The Thanksgiving holiday brought us not just a bounty of meats, side dishes, and familial…

11/29/16

Eric Dickerson To Resume Attending Rams Games Next Season

Jeff Fisher—coach of the 4-7 Rams, losers of six of seven and owners of the least productive offense in football—is…

11/23/16

Do You See Gray Or Blue In The Vegas Golden Knights Logo?

This is the logo for the NHL’s Vegas Golden Knights, as you may or may not already know. According to the franchise,…

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