lauren-theisen Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Cubs Fell Ass Backwards Into A Very Dumb Double Play
I don’t know why Javy Baez (or whoever’s giving him signals) would have so much faith that a pitcher making only his third plate appearance in the major leagues would be able to hold up his end of the suicide squeeze, but the overconfidence of Baez and the pure stupidity of Willson Contreras over on...
Deadspin Up All Night: No Regrets, Coyote
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. This footage is gold....
An Unlucky Handball Sends Japan Out Of The World Cup
An exhilarating World Cup round of 16 rematch between the Netherlands and Japan got decided in favor of the Dutch in the 90th minute, thanks to a penalty kick converted by forward Lieke Martens. The PK gave the Dutch a 2-1 win over the same team that kicked them out of the 2015 World Cup, and it put...
Cardinals Flamethrower Jordan Hicks Shredded His Pitching Elbow
In some MLB injury news that felt as sadly inevitable as it is disappointing, St. Louis Cardinals closer Jordan Hicks is likely out for the long-term future, as the team announced today that he tore the UCL in his right (throwing) elbow. The Cardinals said they are “determining the next course of ac...
A Pair Of Megan Rapinoe Penalties Sent A Shaky USWNT To The Quarterfinals
It wasn’t the type of breezy victory that defined the USWNT’s run through the group stage, but in their first knockout game of the 2019 World Cup, the U.S. gutted out a tough, unpretty 2-1 victory against Spain in which two Megan Rapinoe penalties outweighed one disastrous defensive mistake....
VAR Has One Job, And It's Failing Miserably At It
The most common complaint against VAR—or any form of video review in sports—in one of aesthetics. If referees insist on stopping the game for several minutes to double check every key play, the thinking goes, all the drama and intensity and emotion of the biggest moments will be lost, and the celebr...
Deadspin Up All Night: Whoaaaa, Whoawhoaaaaaa, Whoa, Jokerman
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Have some fun this weekend; you’ve earned it....
Jordan Bone's Draft Party Went From Tragic To Joyful In A Flash
As this video of undrafted Fred VanVleet that made the rounds last night showed, there are at least some NBA draft parties that fizzle out before anyone can enjoy the ecstatic release they all came for, and it looked like Tennessee standout Jordan Bone’s party was headed that way as the draft wound ...
Tobin Heath Declares War On Sweden, Wins
It’s truly a crime that we missed out on 90 minutes of Tobin Heath in the U.S.’s last game against Chile, but today against Sweden, the magical American winger came back with a vengeance. In the 50th minute, Heath’s deadly feet took on an overmatched opponent in Sweden defender Jonna Andersson and o...
The Vanderbilt Whistler Will Not Be Silenced
Vanderbilt beat Mississippi State 6-3 on Wednesday to advance to the semifinals of the College World Series, and they pulled off their second win in Omaha despite The Man’s best efforts to keep a crucial person from making an impact: 72-year-old Preacher Franklin....
Lovable Asshole Corey Perry's Time With The Ducks Is Over
In an unsurprising yet still kind of melancholy move, the Anaheim Ducks have bought out the last two years of Corey Perry’s pricey contract, making him an unrestricted free agent for the offseason. Perry, the 34-year-old winger, played his whole 14-year career with Anaheim, and he leaves the franchi...
The End Of Argentina-Scotland Was A Fucking Mess
Scotland just had to defend a 3-0 lead over the final 20 minutes of their match on Wednesday against Argentina in order to make it to the knockout stage of the World Cup. They couldn’t do it, and as a result will exit their first World Cup after just three games....
MLB Umpires Throw Whiny Tantrum Over Manny Machado's Whiny Tantrum
In the fifth inning of the Padres’ 14-8 loss to the Rockies on Saturday, San Diego third baseman Manny Machado blew a gasket after getting called out on strikes by umpire Bill Welke. Machado caught a quick ejection for arguing the call and was livid, yelling in Welke’s face and then tossing his bat...
This Is Not The Best Way To Try And Catch A Home-Run Ball
Every baseball fan who buys tickets in the outfield dreams of exactly one thing: catching a home run ball hit by Seattle Mariners catcher Tom Murphy. With that goal so close to his grasp in the fifth inning of Monday night’s Royals-Mariners game, it’s understandable that an overexcited Ichiro suppor...
Nigeria Got Screwed Over By Some Ticky-Tack VAR Bullshit
Nigeria were not eliminated from the World Cup on Monday afternoon, but their hopes of advancing to the knockout stages took a hit when, after a pair of VAR reviews, Wendie Renard knocked home a PK in the 79th minute to break a scoreless draw and give France a 1-0 win....
ESPN Is Stuck With Tyson Fury As Its Hero
Tyson Fury won what was for all intents and purposes a fixed fight in his ESPN+ and Las Vegas debut on Saturday night, beating the technically “undefeated” but deeply non-threatening Tom Schwarz in a second-round TKO. Against a no-name boxer who’d never fought outside of Germany or the Czech Republi...
Chicago Photographer Heroically Avoids Being Retraumatized By Ugly First Pitch
Just a couple of weeks ago, Chicago photographer Darren Georgia narrowly avoided a serious bump on his face during a ceremonial first pitch gone awry. Mere milliseconds after his flash captured a White Sox fan’s once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Georgia’s camera found itself the victim of what was eit...
Kyle Lowry Kept The Raptors Alive
It was an up-and-down postseason in what’s been an up-and-down career for Raptors point guard Kyle Lowry, but on Thursday night, when all of his teammates struggled to score out of the gate in Game 6, it was Lowry who helped give them the jumpstart they needed to eventually cross the finish line. As...
Report: Kellen Winslow II Couldn't Stop Masturbating In Front Of His Teammates
Former NFL tight end Kellen Winslow II was convicted of rape, indecent exposure, and lewd conduct on Monday—charges that stem from separate incidents involving Winslow sexually assaulting a woman, exposing himself to another woman, and touching himself in front of a third woman. A mistrial was decl...
What The Hell Was Brad Marchand Doing On The Game-Winning Goal?
Brad Marchand does a lot of stupid shit, but usually not like this. Sure, he’s constantly trash-talking, poking, licking his opponents, trying to get a rise out of them through the simplest and pettiest ways possible. But Marchand’s dumb moment in Game 7 didn’t serve any larger purpose for himself o...