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Eden Hazard Leads Chelsea's Thumping Of Arsenal In Lopsided Europa League Final
It’s probably not surprising that the Europa League final—a match rife with controversy, low attendance, and teams traveling halfway across the world—was a snoozefest, but good God, was this boring. Chelsea beat Arsenal 4-1 to claim the club’s second Europa League title, lifting a trophy that means ...
Liga MX And MLS Will Compete For A New, Meaningless Trophy
Starting in July, MLS and Liga MX will compete in a new, eight team, single elimination competition to crown the best club in Mexico and the United States (Canada can go fuck itself unless Toronto, Vancouver, or Montreal qualify for the tourney, I guess). At least, that’s in theory what is being pit...
Daniele De Rossi Was Roma, Until The Very End
Daniele De Rossi’s Roma career ended with a fittingly meaningless win in front of his adoring fans. More than any other player in this current era of the Giallorossi, De Rossi symbolized the duality of the team’s good-but-not-quite-good-enough nature. In his 17 seasons at the Italian capital, De Ros...
AEW Is Bringing Joshi Women's Wrestling To The American Mainstream
We here at Deadspin have spilled a lot of digital ink on the genesis of All Elite Wrestling, especially considering that the startup wrestling promotion has yet to produce any actual wrestling to date. That will change on Saturday, when the company airs its debut show, Double or Nothing, from Las Ve...
Deadspin Up All Night: You're So Damn Dangerous
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. We’re almost at the long weekend....
The Europa League Final Is Going To Be A Lowly Attended Disaster
The Europa League final is the debacle that keeps on giving. After Arsenal confirmed that midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan would not be playing the final in Baku, Azerbaijan due to his Armenian heritage, reports are coming out that the stadium might be half-empty for what is ostensibly the second bigge...
PSG President Charged For Alleged Bribery Over World Championships In Athletics Bid
If there’s one realm of sports more openly corrupt than soccer, it is international athletics competition. Further proof of this well-known fact comes from France, where reports today say Paris Saint-Germain president Nasser Al-Khelaifi has been charged with “active corruption” for allegedly bribing...
Borussia Dortmund Are Coming For Bayern Munich's Crown
While no one bottled the Premier League this season, it can be said that Borussia Dortmund blew it in their pursuit of the Bundesliga title. Dortmund had a nine-point lead over arch rivals Bayern Munich in late January, only to let it slip through their fingers. Rather than sit and stew about their ...
High School Soccer Player Scores Wondergoal With His Butt
Aside from the arms, every part of the human body is fair game when it comes to scoring goals in soccer. We’ve seen Clint Dempsey score with his dick, and Chicharito score off his face. But it takes a true visionary to turn away from the action, thrust out your hips, and do it with the butt....
Even When AEW Fucks Up, It Still Feels Like It's Doing The Right Thing
All Elite Wrestling’s debut pay-per-view Double or Nothing has stood out since it was announced as something new and fun amid the ongoing stagnation in WWE. Now that it has hit its first high-profile speed bump just days before kicking off, it feels official—a wrestling promotion isn’t a wrestling p...
Arsenal's Henrikh Mkhitaryan Will Not Play In Europa League Final Because UEFA Can't Guarantee His Safety
Arsenal announced on Tuesday that star midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan will not be joining the club in Baku, Azerbaijan for the Europa League final against Chelsea due to safety concerns, depriving the London club one of its best players for what seem to be entirely avoidable reasons....
Gareth Bale Deserved Better
As Real Madrid’s worst domestic season since the turn of the century came to a close under a chorus of boos from the Bernabéu faithful, Gareth Bale sulked. As was all too common during this miserable season, Bale was purely a spectator for Madrid’s 0-2 loss to Real Betis, watching from the bench but...
Santi Cazorla Completes His Resurrection By Earning A Spanish National Team Spot
The last time Santi Cazorla played for the Spanish national team, Donald Trump wasn’t President, Vine still existed, and Real Madrid only had one Champions League this decade. The date was November 14, 2015, and Cazorla had scored against England in a 2-0 friendly win. The wheels almost literally fe...
Idiot Portsmouth Fan Arrested For Hitting Sunderland Player Who Fell Into The Stands
In the lower levels of English soccer, fans often are nasty, brutish, and short-tempered. We saw evidence of this in March when an idiot stormed the field mid-game to sucker-punch a player, and we saw even more yesterday, when a Portsmouth fan punched and kicked Sunderland’s Luke O’Nien after the pl...
Manchester City Face Champions League Ban For Breaking UEFA's Dumb Rules
Things are moving quickly against Manchester City. After a report earlier this week that the back-to-back Premier League champions could face a ban from the Champions League, the New York Times reports that a ruling is imminent. All of this because Manchester City, the poster boys for the current fi...
Vancouver Whitecaps Goalie Pulls Off Three Spectacular Saves In A Row
If there’s one thing better than a good goalkeeper boner, it’s a goalkeeper thwarting an attacking onslaught by turning into a brick wall. Think Tim Howard at the 2014 World Cup, or David de Gea last season (before his brain broke and he became sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit)....
This Is Boston's Chance To Get Anthony Davis, As Long As They Don't Fuck It Up
Annoyingly, the vile Boston Celtics might get what they wanted after all. While the draft lottery ended in the most frustrating fashion for every team involved except New Orleans, the Boston brain trust had to be ecstatic to see the main Anthony Davis trade asset (Zion Williamson) off the board. Tho...
Antoine Griezmann Announces He Will Leave Atlético Madrid This Summer
Atlético Madrid striker and Fortnite enthusiast Antoine Griezmann has announced today via a video released on Atleti’s Twitter account that he intends leave for pastures new this summer. In the video, Griezmann says he wants new challenges after “five incredible years” in Madrid:...
Palermo Relegated From Italian Second Division Due To—Shocker!—Corruption And Fraud
Just days before Palermo were set to play in the Italian second division promotion playoffs with a spot in Serie A hanging in the balance, the Italian soccer authorities hit the Sicilian club with a relegation penalty that will send them into the third division next season. The authorities handed do...
The Premier League Was Decided In 11 Minutes
In the end, it truly is the hope that kills you. When Sadio Mané scored for Liverpool early on in their game against Wolves, it was the start of a frustrating but ultimately fruitful game. The Reds brought it to the surprise seventh-place finishers, scooped up the goal they needed (and another from ...