matt-sussman-old Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Paul Pierce Is One DUI Away From Becoming Carmelo Anthony
Come on. It's the NBA Finals. Only two teams should be relevant at this point. And since you can't walk three steps without sniffing the history of the Lakers-Celtics rivalry, you'd hope that someone would talk a little jive toward the other. It probably wouldn't be sportsmanlike, but it's definitel...
Presenting Dr. Joe Morgan's Players Of The Day
Caught up in all the hysteria this weekend was Joe Morgan being awarded an honorary doctorate from California State University-East Bay. Don't be too impressed, because I'm pretty sure one summer those came free with the purchase of an In-N-Out Burger combo of equal or lesser value....
In Case You Forgot Why Tiger Woods Got To Marry A Swedish Model
Like many humans and corporate executives before him, Tiger Woods began his round of golf on Saturday with a double bogey. But unlike everyone else, he finished the back nine with two eagles and a birdie. Only Dick Cheney sets himself up in a better position to shoot more types of bird on a weekend...
About Last Night...
What you missed while shopping for the ten best fictional dads for Fathers Day... • U.S. Open: Tiger Uppercut! The one-and-a-half-kneed wonder leads Lee Westwood by one shot. But will we see the Hundred Hand Slap prevail in the final round? • NCAA Baseball: Stanford scores 11 runs in the 9th to beat...
Gurn Save The Queen
Here in America, you win a major sports championship, and you meet the president. Across the pond, when you stick your head through a horse collar and make a face better than anyone else, you meet the Queen. That line was actually in the original Magna Carta....
Delving Into That Creepy NASCAR Discrimination Case
Pretty sure we haven't mentioned that whole NASCAR $225 million racial/sexual discrimination lawsuit around these parts, perhaps because it appears to be so bad that Jason Whitlock said, "We owe Isiah Thomas and Sean Salisbury an apology." I'm not sure if I'd go that far, but if you haven't seen the...
Take Harry Dick Whenever You Can
• Drafting the very best in NHL names. [Orland Kurtenblog] • How about instant replay in soccer, too? [Soccernista] • Sometimes we forget that a Dutch oven is, in fact, an oven. [Mr. Irrelevant] • Finally, an athlete the average blogger can relate to. [Something Awful] • Papelbon's message to the Ra...
Bob Knight Interrupts Speech To Give Job Recommendation
Cell phone etiquette: we've mostly nailed it down. Don't talk while driving. Don't text during class. Don't clean your ear with the antenna. Bob Knight probably treats cell phone like the 3-point line in basketball. He'll begrudgingly accept them into his world, but the minute he's appointed Mayor O...
Barbados's National Soccer Team Is Accepting Applications
True story: Once, when I went to Barbados on business, I made such a good first impression that my customer asked me if I wanted to marry his daughter, move permanently to the island, work for him, and have a place of my own to live. Sight unseen, I had to respectfully decline, but also because I wa...
Germans Haven't Quite Perfected The Bomb Scare
When I'm late for a plane, typically I do not need to stall the flight by some elaborate means. After all, the flight will find a way to be 2 hours late on its own! Ha-ah! [wacky Vaudevile jig] If only reporters late for their Euro 2008 assignment were so wise....
The Anecdotal Evidence Does Not Look Good For Dick Bavetta
You just knew after those Tim Donaghy accusations this week, that people were gonna go back into any previous playoff game, scrutinize the calls, and document them. And lo, The World Of Isaac digs up the first of what should be several tinfoily arguments about how NBA referees swung the money line ...
The TV Selection Today, It's the Pits
What I really need to know, like, soon, is why in Kid Icarus, you die if you go off the screen, even though ten freakin' seconds ago you had just scrolled up from there. Is that a Greek thing? Does the Eggplant Wizard douse the out-of-screen platforms in poisonous ouzo? Or was Pit merely training fo...
And Now For News That Isn't Fair
The gal on the left there, her name is Adriana Lima. (Just in case you wanted a name to go with the wet dream later on.) The guy on the right is some kind of basketball player named Marko Jaric. One of them has about 8½ million Google searches. The other, not even 200 grand. Hopefully Ms. Lima signs...
A Pox, Ye Shall Receive Twenty Lashes
So you know what's a good baseball score? 6-4. Everyone scores a little, the game's close, and even with a runner on in the 9th, there's always a chance this beaut could be tied up. Know what's a bad score? 20-2. Those are the scores that make the casual fan cringe. Boy am I glad that's not my team....