miserableshitehawk Page 101 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let's Fry Some Sweet Plantains, And Then Never Eat Green Bananas Ever Again
When the fabric of my family is someday finally rent, and generations of heirs and descendants wage decades of bitter war upon one another, and oaths become ancient curses until the family tree is left utterly in ruin, the issue won’t be money, or land, or politics, or even whether it is called “tun...
Look At All These Crazy Stats From This NBA Season
Join me on a short journey through some neat NBA stats from the 2016-17 regular season....
Summer Is Here! Let's Grill Up A Tentacled Monster
It’s gonna be a bright 88 degrees fahrenheit in the nation’s capital next week. Whatever the hell the calendar says, summertime is upon us. There is no force in all the universe that can take it back, now that it has been freely given. No backsies on this one, nature....
Wearable Tech Won't Fix What Is Broken Inside Of You<em></em>
Once upon a time, inspired by the good works of Kinja Deals, I bought something called a Lumo Lift. It’s a wearable tech. As far as I know, FitBit is both a unique wearable tech and also a genericized trademark for this sort of thing (fit bit). As far as I’m concerned, when I am wearing the Lumo Lif...
Let's Make The Hottest Salsa And Send Our Pampered Asses Straight To Hell
When I was a kid, I once visited a small retail shop in South Carolina that was stocked with nothing but hot sauces. This was the most fascinating place on earth. All the labels on all the hot sauces offered various brags about their spiciness, as if what they had to sell was not the joy of eating o...
Let's Make A Whole Pile Of Warm, Buttery Apple Fritters
This is a true apple fritter story—the tale of one man’s tortured relationship with apple fritters and how they saved his life, ruined his diet, and in the end probably shortened his life. ...
Let's Fry Some Eggplant, Because It's Possible There Is Nothing Better
With all due respect to falafel, a ripe summer tomato, or one single slice of melted yellow American cheese, the very best non-animal-flesh sandwich filling in existence is fried eggplant. Don’t even think about saying otherwise down in the comments, heretofore an empty place practically crying out ...
How To Survive A Blood Test, For The Squeamish Wuss-Bag (You)
A flustered, stuttering phlebotomist once pointed out to me that men, left to nature, would never get a glimpse of their own blood except for in instances of trauma, and that this probably explains why men are notoriously squeamish about having their blood drawn. He told me this while I was leaning ...
John Wall's Season Deserves Better Than History's Dustbin
As of this morning, John Wall is 16th in the NBA in scoring, at 23.2 points per game. He is second in the NBA in assists, at 10.8 per game. He is second in the NBA in steals, at two per game. He is the only player in the top 20 in scoring who is also in the top 10 in both assists and steals. Also, h...
The NBA's Eastern Conference Is Closing In On A Record For Futility
The NBA’s Eastern Conference is in very real danger of finishing the season with only four teams having won at least half their games. This would be embarrassing, and stupid, and also very good and cool....
Let's Make An Enormous Mess, And Also Some Incredible Fried Chicken
Generally speaking, there are three common reasons to make something at home that you could otherwise easily have made for you by someone else: because it is cheaper; because it is more convenient; and because you can turn the thing you’re making into the gravy-soaked, caramel-coated, cheese-laden m...
Let's Make Some Crab Dip, The Most Decadent And Delicious Way To Eat Canned Crab
Generally speaking, crab dishes get less reputable the more ingredients they include that are not crab meat. Crab imperial and deviled crab might still show up on the menu at a semi-serious seafood restaurant. Crab puffs make a fine, if indulgent, hors d’oeuvre. I have a crab cookbook in my home, fu...
One Braised Pork Belly Taco To Rule Them All
We’ve been down this road, the pork belly road, before. Actually, we’ve been down many roads. Many roads converged in these woods, is what I’m saying. Good roads. Listen. Shut up. We are going to make gooey braised pork belly tacos, and we are going to find our way there via dead reckoning. Strap in...
I Have Conquered The Meaty Cheese Dip
Recently, I had a specific hankering. A hankering for piling delicious meaty cheese dip onto tortilla chips and ramming them into my face. This is the kind of hankering a fundamentally depraved sort of person has when left alone in a home for more than a couple hours: a dark degradation into self-de...
The DeMarcus Cousins Trade May Have Set Us Up For A Spicy Trade Deadline
One of the cool things about a blockbuster trade coming early in the trade deadline period is how its aftershocks set up the rest of the trade window to play out much differently than it was expected to....
You Will Fail: Today's Guide To Ignoring The Super Bowl
You there. Yes, you. Guess what you will not be doing tonight. You will not be skipping the Super Bowl. Sorry....
No One Needs The Pro Bowl: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Any faithful list of activities preferable to watching the NFL Pro Bowl must include pastimes like slamming your head in a car door, eating hair, and broiling your dick....
The Stadium Squeeze: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
If you thought watching Stan Kroenke, Dean Spanos, and Mark Davis agitate, bitch, and bully their way through stadium and relocation negotiations was nauseating, just wait until Dan Snyder kicks his new stadium plans into gear. It’s coming!...
The Abyss Also Gazes Into You: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL Playoffs
After Saturday’s top-notch, electrifying games, you are probably champing at the bit for more hot football action today. Fans of true underdogs got a real treat Saturday afternoon, and Saturday night was a checkdown-passing aficionado’s dream come true. I mean who could possibly look away after such...
Woe To The Land: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL Playoffs
Big choices today, folks. On the one hand, you could do something fun and enriching and squeeze a little enjoyment out of your weekend; on the other hand, you could subject yourself to the misery of what might be the worst playoff quarterback matchup in NFL history. Tough call!...