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Stick To The Plan: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The challenge of looking away from the NFL has two parts....

The Minnesota Timberwolves Are In A Weird Place Right Now
As an increasingly hopeless Wizards fan, I feel qualified to say this to everyone who’d hoped the early season would look more promising for the young Minnesota Timberwolves: this is just sorta what happens when a team is rich in talent but poor in, you know, really knowing how to play good NBA bask...

Scott Tolzien In Primetime: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
All the attention soaked up by the presidential election was one of the possible reasons for the NFL’s season-long ratings malaise, but a few weeks later, nationally broadcast games still aren’t where they used to be....

Kemba Walker Is Why You Shouldn't Give Up On Young Players
To really appreciate how far Kemba Walker has come, dust off that copy of NBA 2K12, slide it into your wheezing Xbox 360, and find young Kemba on the roster of the 7-59 Charlotte Bobcats, where he is stuck behind D.J. friggin’ Augustin on the depth chart, slinging passes to the likes of Byron Mullen...

Clean Football Is Still Football: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
This week was an interesting test case for the NFL in this era of increased scrutiny and public skepticism. The league news was mostly clear of the kinds of self-inflicted embarrassments and setbacks that have become so routine during the Roger Goodell era. For the first time in what seems like a lo...

Keep It In The Toilet: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
It’s like the NFL has a checklist of possible fuck-ups and self-inflicted public-relations disasters, and they make a point of marking as many items as possible each week. This pattern makes disliking the NFL easy and fun, if you’re interested in giving it a shot....

Man In Charge: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The NFL will probably never fire Roger Goodell. If you’re waiting for that day to come, don’t waste your time. Some day, years from now, Goodell is going to retire as commissioner, and there will be an unbearable period of exaggerated, rose-colored reflection on the passing of a heroic, legendary f...

A Sinking Ship: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Maybe you’ve heard, but the NFL’s television ratings are sinking like a stone....

Moral Ineptitude: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The extent of the NFL’s failure to learn any meaningful lessons from the several years’ worth of ass-kickings it’s absorbed over its handling of domestic violence is really something. ...

The Nationals Are Stuck With Danny Espinosa Tonight, Unless They Opt For The Only Thing Worse
Washington’s Danny Espinosa problem is inextricably linked to its long-running center-field problem. If they had a credible fourth outfielder on the roster, Danny Espinosa would be nailed to the bench, and we would all be spared his nightly terribleness....

Let's Use Science To Make Some Paneer, The Most Versatile Cheese Of All
You know what’s a mostly stupid way to spend a day? Making tofu. Man, what a drag....

Spare Your Eyeballs: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
NFL uniforms are fucking hideous now. Look at this shit:...

The Already-Enormous Body Count: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Ah yes, Week 4—the first week of NFL byes and something like the quarter mark of the NFL regular season. Always a fine time to check in on player health around the league. After all, bye weeks are when teams get a week off to rest up and heal. How’s everyone doing?...

Consider Purchasing Pet Health Insurance For Your Very Good Pets
These have been a shitty couple of years on the pet front. Last fall, Millie, my beautiful, miraculous boxer, started panting all the time. She was still a radiating core of joy and energy, but her panting was making it hard for her to get comfortable and her energy was slowly but noticeably waning....

Don't Be A Mark: Your Guide To Ignoring The NFL Today
Man. Personal seat licenses are quite the racket....

Let's Make Some Minestrone, And Accept Autumn Like Grown-Ups
Shit, man. Autumn is officially here. Life sucks now....

Stay Out Of The Trenches: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Whew. The start of the 2016 NFL season sure brought the total package—a shrieking onslaught of the NFL’s signature blend of chaos, cranked up to the NFL’s signature ear-splitting decibel level: impenetrable rules; confused officiating; jarring and improperly handled brain injuries; fan-level buffoon...

How To Skewer And Cook A Meat Dick
Listen. We are going to form and skewer and grill and eat meat dicks. There’s just no way of obscuring this, so let’s deal with it right here and now....

Here We Go Again: Your Guide To Ignoring The NFL Today
Here we are, in the waning days of summer 2016. The hellish daytime heat of summer hasn’t much backed off, but the days are already shorter, and the nights are cooler, and the leaves on the trees are already starting to change. You know what that means! NFL football is back, baby! God fucking dammit...

Deadspin Fears The Basketblogging Horde
There is a private Slack channel that exists entirely to serve as a gallery of weak-sauce garbage takes culled from the big, bloated hellhole that is NBA basketblogging. All your favorites can be found there: Such-And-Such Good Player is Actually Bad Because Analytics; Sam Hinkie, Tragic Hero; Is Su...