miserableshitehawk Page 13 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Lakers Are Really Going For it
The Lakers have cleared the decks. They’ve stripped away every player from the roster who they do not view as central to their next championship push. It turns out the list of remaining players is hilariously small and remarkably expensive, and before filling out the margins the Lakers very much ho...
The Mets Bullpen Completes A Remarkable Phillies Sweep Of The Mets
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: The New York Mets lost in deeply dispiriting fashion Thursday, to finish off a gruesome series and drop eight games below .500. Things are getting pretty grim over there....
Behold The Destructive Force Of An F5 Poop Tornado
Last Thursday, a “sewer blockage” in the town of Melrose, Massachusetts, had city workers scrambling to restore flow across the town’s entire system. The blockage was eventually cleared, but not before it created what one affected resident described as a “tornado of poop” in her bathroom, after raw ...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Scores A Goal From A Million Billion Miles Away
Wayne Rooney has done some cool stuff with D.C. United, in Major League Soccer. He did a lovely free kick goal. He virtually single-handedly dragged the United to the MLS playoffs. An insane two-way highlight from last August was rightly hailed as maybe the best MLS highlight ever. I hereby submit ...
Moron President Gives Defense Department Four Months To Craft Service Academy Athletics Policy He Himself Axed
Having previously bragged about his intention to look into such a thing, our sleazy doofus of a president has taken the first formal step toward instituting a policy that would allow service academy athletes to defer their military service obligations in order to pursue careers in professional spor...
Hey, Remember Giancarlo Stanton? Well, He's Gone Again
Just when the Yankees were starting to enjoy the return of slugger Giancarlo Stanton, just when he’d started to look like the middle-of-the-lineup force of old, just when the sight of him looming over the plate like a comic book monster started to lose its weird nostalgic charm, the universe has ste...
Reds Allow Runner To Score From Second Base On Sac Fly Like Big Sleepy Idiots
It was an extremely unimpressive night for the Cincinnati Reds, who suffered a 5–1 loss against the Angels in Anaheim. They gave up their first run of the night on a leadoff inside-the-park dinger to Tommy La Stella, and they gave up the final run of the night when Wilfredo Tovar scored from second ...
Tommy La Stella's Blessed Season Continues With Leadoff Inside-The-Park Dinger
It is now late June, which means if you can’t at least feign excitement about a leadoff inside-the-park home run in an interleague baseball game, you are staring down a summer of relatively slim pickings, VAR-marred World Cup soccer notwithstanding. Please, before you reduce yourself to hunting for ...
Report: Oh God Yes, The Toxic Rockets Are Pursuing Jimmy Butler
If there’s one thing a top-heavy Western Conference contender built on the ball-dominant shot-creation of two ornery superstars locked in an “unsalvageable” personality conflict needs, it is an infusion of noted mature adult in the room and agreeable teammate Jimmy Butler. Thankfully, that is exactl...
Public Service Announcement: Please Stop Interrupting Dodgers Games To Hug Cody Bellinger
In the bottom of the eighth inning Monday night in Arizona, a young woman ran from the stands and into right field, where she appeared to awkwardly hug Dodgers superstar Cody Bellinger. Needless to say, this ended with the young woman being arrested....
Giannis Antetokounmpo Is Your 2018–19 NBA Most Valuable Player
Monday night Milwaukee Bucks destroyer of worlds Giannis Antetokounmpo became the first European import to win the NBA Most Valuable Player award since Dirk Nowitzki in 2007, and the first NBA player ever to win MVP after having won the NBA’s Most Improved Player, which Giannis won after the 2016–17...
![Kansas City Radio Chud Drags Andy Reid's Dead Son Into Criticism Of Reid's Coaching Ability [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/bxtepsfvgrcebclkyrns.png)
Kansas City Radio Chud Drags Andy Reid's Dead Son Into Criticism Of Reid's Coaching Ability [Updates]
A lowlife Kansas City radio host invoked the 2012 death of Andy Reid’s son Garrett as part of an overarching criticism of Reid’s approach to personal accountability, in yet another sign that sports radio should be made illegal immediately....
Luka Dončić, True To Form, Dominates Rookie Of The Year Voting
Dallas Mavericks sensation Luka Dončić won Rookie of the Year honors Monday night at the annual NBA Awards, inexplicably broadcast live on TNT, which presumably ran out of rerun episodes of Bones with which to fill their primetime schedule....
Former Kings Executive Sentenced To Seven Years In Prison For Repurposing $13.4 Million Of Sponsorship Loot
Former Sacramento Kings and Miami Heat chief revenue officer Jeffrey David was sentenced to seven years in prison Monday for embezzling $13.4 million from two Kings sponsors in an arena naming rights scheme he executed in 2015. David pleaded guilty to wire fraud and aggravated identity theft charges...
Knicks Fined By NBA For Being Diaper Babies Toward <i>New York Daily News</i>
On the same day that another New York professional sports team was punished by its league for a manager and pitcher picking a fight with a reporter over a benign salutation, the New York Knickerbockers incredibly managed to retain their crown as the pettiest and least professional team in the Big Ap...
Is This Kyrie Irving Scolding Celtics Fans Under An Alias On Boston Talk Radio?
Thursday morning a man going by the name of Mikey in Waltham called in to the Zolak & Bertrand radio show on 98.5 The Sports Hub in Boston to participate in a wide-ranging conversation about the state of the Boston Celtics. It’s been a rough time for Celtics fans—their team disappointed last season,...
The Suns Were Up To Some Suns-Type Foolishness On Draft Night
With the caveat that no one knows anything about how this will turn out in the long term, it’s fair to say that the Phoenix Suns had a strange 2019 NBA Draft. They dropped in the rejiggered draft lottery to land with the sixth pick, then dropped another five spots Thursday night via a genuinely head...
The Phillies' Leadoff Problem Is Compounding Their Even Larger Bryce Harper Problem
The Washington Nationals finished off a weather-shortened three-game series sweep of the Philadelphia Phillies Thursday night. The Phillies are in a bit of a swoon, having lost eight of their last 13 games. That stretch isn’t so arbitrary as it might seem—Andrew McCutchen succumbed to a season-endin...
Bol Bol Heads To Denver Nuggets After Agonizing Draft Night Slide
Extremely fun one-and-done Oregon prospect Bol Bol showed up to Thursday night’s NBA draft decked out in a black suit featuring a garish sequined spider web on the left shoulder, smiling and optimistic and looking forward to being drafted somewhere in the lottery. His night ended with him gloomily t...
Celtics Draft Outspoken Round-Earther, Move One Step Closer To Post-Kyrie Irving Future
The Boston Celtics used the 22nd pick in the first round of Thursday night’s NBA draft to select first-team All-American Grant Williams from Tennessee. Williams is a skilled, undersized forward and the son of a NASA safety engineer. I mention his parentage because being privy to mom’s insider knowle...