miserableshitehawk Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Juan Soto's Goof In Left Was High Comedy, But Marcell Ozuna's Mattered
For my money, the two best highlights of the Nationals’ 8–1 Game 3 win over the St. Louis Cardinals, a result that makes the rest of this series almost a formality, were bloopers. One looked stupid and hilarious and mattered not at all; the other almost looked like a very cool catch, until it didn’t...
LeBron James Finally Takes Question About China, Responds By Licking The Boot
LeBron James has been silent on the matter of China throwing a massive temper tantrum over Rockets general manager Daryl Morey tweeting and deleting a limp slogan in support of pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong. With the NBA spasming and losing bowel control around him, the world’s most visible ...
Zach Brown Talks Shit About Kirk Cousins, Loses To Vikings, Then Loses His Job
The Eagles released linebacker Zach Brown Monday, a day after their defense was shredded by Kirk Cousins and a Vikings offense that until very recently resembled a headless chicken. The shit-canning is all the more embarrassing for Brown for coming after he ran his mouth about Cousins, and then join...
It's Neat To Think Of The Patriots Someday Playing Against A Real NFL Offense
The Patriots beat the Giants Thursday night, 35–14, to move to 6–0 on the season. This was the second consecutive week where the Patriots looked vulnerable in the first half against a plucky but overmatched underdog, before a cascading series of second-half failures tilted things dramatically for th...
Gerrit Cole Made Mincemeat Out Of The Rays
Game 5 of the American League* Divisional Series between the Astros and Rays functionally ended in the first inning. Not because the Astros put 10 runs on the board, a la the Cardinals, but because they put more than a single run on the board, in a game in which they had the insane and unfair Gerrit...
The Mystics Did The Shit
The Washington Mystics used a strong fourth-quarter surge and the interior dominance of series MVP Emma Meesseman to overcome a second-half Connecticut Sun lead, then confidently held the relentless visitors at arm’s length down the stretch to win Game 5, 89–78, and capture the franchise’s first eve...
Keenan Allen Remains Confident Broncos' Chris Harris Jr. Cannot Wield His Undergarments
Beef! We’ve beef in the world of football, pals, between a receiver and a cornerback who share a division, which is really the only way NFL beefs can dry-age their way to maximum succulence, outside of the aging racks of intense playoff action. I’m pretty well done with that beef metaphor now....
Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers Choke Away Game 5 In Stunning Fashion
Oh man. The Dodgers absolutely cruised through seven innings at home against the Nationals Wednesday night, in Game 5 of their divisional series. Walker Buehler was once again dominant. Postseason beast Max Muncy and Kiké Hernández pounced on opportunities presented by Stephen Strasburg’s early comm...
Kurt Suzuki Leaves NLDS Game 5 After Taking Deflected Fastball To The Face
Washington Nationals catcher Kurt Suzuki was taken out of Wednesday night’s Game 5 against the Los Angeles Dodgers when a high-and-tight fastball from Walker Buehler deflected off his wrist and into his face in the top of the seventh inning. The impact was audible, and Suzuki crashed to the ground a...
Meatball President Criticizes NBA Coaches For Weak Statements On China, Instead Of Answering Direct Question About China
President Trump was asked a direct question Wednesday about the ongoing and escalating conflict between the NBA and the Chinese government, which started with a seven-word tweet of support for Hong Kong pro-democracy protesters from Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey. Because he is incapabl...
Braves Fans Perform First-Inning Tomahawk Chop, Watch Their Team Immediately Melt Down Like Chernobyl
The Atlanta Braves selectively and cynically scrubbed the “tomahawk chop” celebration ahead of Wednesday’s Game 5 against the St. Louis Cardinals. This did not go far enough, as was evidenced by defiant Braves fans loudly performing the chop almost immediately after the start of the game. Moments la...
Rays Win Bullpen Game Over Justin Verlander To Send Series Back To Houston
The Rays roughed up Game 1 winner and eclipse lover Justin Verlander Tuesday night, got nine innings of tough pitching from their bullpen, and grabbed a 4–1 win to send their ALDS series against the Astros back to Houston for a winner-take-all Game 5. The Rays, who were widely considered to be chum ...
Art Briles Already In Trouble In First Season As Head Coach At Texas High School
It appears disgraced former Baylor head football coach Art Briles has brought scandal to his new team, the Mount Vernon Tigers of the Mount Vernon Independent School District, in (you guessed it) Mount Vernon, Texas. Briles and his high school program were publicly reprimanded by a unanimous six-mem...
Ben Simmons Hit Another Three! (In A Preseason Game) (Against The Guangzhou Loong Lions)
Ben Simmons’s extreme reluctance to attempt shots from outside the paint during his two healthy NBA seasons has been overshadowed somewhat by both the vastly stranger shooting struggles of a fellow 76ers top pick, and by Simmons’s own general two-way excellence. But his shooting stroke has been badl...
Yankees Complete Sweep Of Twins, Barf Barf Barf
The Yankees completed a three-game sweep of the Twins Monday night, with a 5–1 win in Minnesota to end their American League divisional series. These games were not close. The Yankees scored 23 runs in the series, to the Twins’ seven. Every other divisional series is still active, with both National...
Grunting Max Scherzer Gave The Nationals Everything He Had, And Just What They Needed
Davey Martinez and the Washington Nationals didn’t resort to another bullpen appearance from a starting pitcher Monday night, thank God. That’s a gimmick that was bound to fail the more it’s used, either spectacularly and all at once, or cumulatively, or both. It already blew up in their faces Sunda...
It Was Marcus Morris's Turn To Get Ejected From A Knicks-Wizards Preseason Game
Marcus Morris is determined to bring some tenacity back to a moribund Knicks team that still lacks much by way of high-end talent, but could make up some of the difference by playing coherent basketball for the first time in years. Morris got a good start on establishing a certain toughness for this...
Yadier Molina Flipped His Bat To The Moon After Game-Winning Sacrifice Fly
The St. Louis Cardinals evened up their NLDS series against the Atlanta Braves Monday night, on a 10th-inning sacrifice fly to left field to score Kolten Wong. It was Molina’s second big feat of batsmanship of the game, and he was super-duper pumped to have driven in the winning run. So pumped, in f...
Chris Thompson Breaks Up While Talking About Jay Gruden's Doomed Future In Washington
Shit sucks in Skins land these days, which is about as evergreen a statement as there is, but it sucks enough at this specific moment that everyone in the building is having a very bad time. The Skins were blown out at home by the Patriots on Sunday, 33–7, in front of a crowd that was overwhelmingly...
Deshaun Watson Did The Cool Thing Again
Last week, when Deshaun Watson answered a thoughtful post-game question with a hyper-detailed breakdown of Carolina’s defense, there was some confusion over whether he was showing up the reporter. Now that Watson has given a similarly thorough answer to a question following his dominant performance ...