miserableshitehawk Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Buddy Hield Got Two Years Older On One Birthday
This is an odd one: Kings guard Buddy Hield celebrated his 25th birthday Monday. I know this because the NBA, ESPN, Basketball Reference, Draft Express, CBS Sports, Yahoo Sports, RotoWire, something called Roster Source, and The Official Site of the Sacramento Kings all tell me that he was born in D...
The Rockets Might Be Back, Dammit
The Rockets set a new NBA single-game record for made three-pointers Wednesday night, in a 136–118 beatdown of the lousy Wizards. The various unconscious Rockets combined to knock down 26 threes, which is one more than the Cleveland Cavaliers knocked down in an insane 25-of-46 performance against th...
The Knicks Are In The Freezing-And-Bloodied-And-Lying-In-Actual-Dog-Poop Stage Of Rebuilding
David Fizdale has a tough job. His Knicks are 9–24 on the season. They’ve lost three straight, they’re one of the two or three worst defensive teams in basketball, and Kristaps Porzingis is out indefinitely. A lesser coach might struggle to conjure motivational messages any more vivid than “the giga...
Tom Wilson Corrects The Record With Decisive Beatdown Of Jamie Oleksiak
Back in May, Capitals goon Tom Wilson flattened Penguins forward Zach Aston-Reese in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Following the hit, humongous Penguins defenseman Jamie Oleksiak tried to square up with Wilson for a little fisticuffs. Wilson, perhaps noticing the way Oleksiak’s mass obser...
MLB And Cuban Baseball Federation Reach Deal To Eliminate Defection And Smuggling Of Cuban Prospects
Major League Baseball and the Cuban Baseball Federation reached an agreement Wednesday on a deal that would allow Cuban baseball players to play in America without having to defect and be smuggled into the United States. From MLB.com:...
Report: Oh God Yes, Jon Gruden Is "Very High" On Nathan Peterman
Former Bills quarterback Nathan Peterman is reportedly doing the rounds this week, hoping to catch on at the bottom end of some poor team’s depth chart and begin rebuilding his football career. He worked out with the Buccaneers on Tuesday, and his tour will reportedly soon take him out west, where a...
Mason Plumlee Did What Now?
The Nuggets have that glow these days. Competent role-players are oozing out of the woodwork. Dumb shots are falling. Mason Plumlee is dusting Harrison Barnes with a slick behind-the-back dribble and a lefty scoop layup to beat the buzzer and put a goofy exclamation point on a 74-point first half, w...
Zion Williamson Bonked His Forehead On The Damn Backboard
We are used to Zion Williamson’s rare combination of dump truck size and comic book athleticism putting the opposition in grave danger, but this is maybe the first sign that young Zion can truly fuck himself up if he isn’t real careful out there:...
Report: The Tessitore-Witten-McFarland Trio Will Be Back For The 2019 NFL Season
The Joe Tessitore-Jason Witten-Booger McFarland Monday Night Football crew has been very, hmm, uneven in its first season. Tessitore is blandly Fine; Witten sometimes talks himself into dizzying circles; McFarland’s sideline scooter seems to produce an awful lot of confusion in his analysis. If you ...
Taj Gibson's Loose Shoe Temporarily Becomes Important Defensive Weapon
Taj Gibson lost his shoe on a post move early in the first quarter of tonight’s Kings-Timberwolves game. His shoeless layup went down, which is cool enough, but play did not stop, and so Gibson was forced to hoof it down to the defensive end in a sock, holding his shoe in his right hand....
Kerfuffle Erupts Between Thunder And Bitter, Tightly-Wound Bulls
The sad, demoralized Bulls are having their asses handed to them in Oklahoma City tonight. Perhaps the familiarity of another grim drubbing was more than they could bear—in the third quarter, down 21 points, they picked several fights all at once:...
Maniac Football Coach Teams With Maniac Basketball Player To Deliver Watered-Down Gordon Gekko Speech To Impressionable Young Browns
This is just an unbelievably cursed combination of proper nouns: Browns head coach Gregg Williams used help from retired coin-operated fortune-teller Phil Jackson to arrange for dead-eyed thinkfluencer Kobe Bryant to deliver a motivational talk to his young team ahead of their week 15 game this past...
Dave Joerger Wildly Overshoots The Mark While Clarifying Excessively Pro-Luka Dončić Comments
The good young Kings beat the good young Mavericks on Sunday, in Luka Dončić’s first career regular season game against the team that unexpectedly passed on drafting him with the second overall pick back in June. Dončić had 28 points on 15 shots and was excellent; Marvin Bagley III, whom the Kings s...
Reports: Dan Snyder Is Conspiring With Congressional Republicans And The White House To Screw D.C. Residents
Eventually Dan Snyder is going to get around to demanding public money for a new stadium for his crappy team, and brother, when he gets there, it’s going to be huge. But between now and then he has to figure out which plot of land in which municipality will become the site of his obscene moat-encirc...
“I said, ‘Who am I kidding?’ This guy is a great player. He’s a great kid, has a great attitude, and I’m bringing him off the bench? I just said, ‘Screw this.’” Nick Kosmider of The Athletic has a fun feature on how Mike Malone and the Nuggets made the franchise-altering decision to start Nikola Jok...
This Nightmarish Bulls Season Appears To Be Wearing On Poor Horace Grant
The Bulls lost to the Magic in Mexico City Thursday night, in a game that was mostly uneventful, apart from leading scorer and leadership council member Zach LaVine hearing an ominous pop in his lower leg on a late drive. Some interesting news came after the game, when ESPN reported that Jabari Park...
The Chargers Clinched A Playoff Berth In Extremely Ballsy Fashion
The Chiefs went up two touchdowns with just over eight minutes left in the fourth quarter Thursday night, on a Damien Williams one-yard plunge to cap a 13-play drive. They’d put together three 10-play drives in the game to that point, and the drive they’d just wrapped covered 73 yards and almost ei...
Suns Owner Robert Sarver Refutes Report Of Relocation Threat, Says The Suns "Are Not Leaving Phoenix"
Reports yesterday had Suns owner and overall dingus Robert Sarver threatening to relocate his shoddy-ass basketball operation to Las Vegas or Seattle if the city of Phoenix didn’t get behind a public financing plan to renovate the team’s current home. Also yesterday, Sarver was thrashed at a city co...