miserableshitehawk Page 37 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
DC United's Nick DeLeon Scores Clutch Game-Tying Goal, Then Chokes Away Decisive Penalty Kick
Well this was all very dramatic. DC United were down 2–1 in the 116th minute of Thursday night’s knockout round match against Columbus Crew, until Nick DeLeon ripped home a clutch equalizer from the edge of the box off a blown clearance....
The Warriors Are Basically Renting A Rehabbing DeMarcus Cousins For Extra Motivation
Wednesday night, after his Pelicans lost to the Warriors, Anthony Davis said he’d like to see DeMarcus Cousins return to the Pelicans in free agency. That seems like it might be a long shot—apart from New Orleans’s looming salary crunch, there’s the matter of Cousins playing for one of the NBA’s all...
Oh Man, De'Aaron Fox Is So Much Fun
De’Aaron Fox spent his Thursday night leading the plucky Kings to a dominant road win in Atlanta. I do not expect you to take that very seriously! There are data points you mark in the The Kings Might Be Good column—a 6–3 record; road wins over the Thunder and Heat; a five-game winning streak; offen...
Hue Jackson: If Only The Browns Had Listened More To Hue Jackson
Hue Jackson finished his tenure as head coach of the Cleveland Browns with a record of three wins, 36 losses, and one tie. In hindsight, it’s remarkable that Jackson was given a second year in charge after starting the 2016 season 0–14 and finishing 1–15; it’s even more incredible that he was given ...
Maryland's Board Of Regents Chair Abruptly Resigns Following Board's Spectacular Fuck-Up
This development will not have the day-to-day importance to players on the University of Maryland football team as the firing of head coach DJ Durkin, but it is nonetheless another step in the right direction: James T. Brady, the chair of Maryland’s board of regents, has resigned, effective immediat...
Spencer Dinwiddie Inspired To Greatness By "Hoodie Kermit"
Spencer Dinwiddie scored 13 points after about the three-minute mark of the fourth quarter of Brooklyn’s Wednesday night win over the Pistons, including a four-point play, two clutch game-tying threes, and the eventual overtime game-winner. It was a virtuosic finish for a fun and underrated player:...
Who Needs Jimmy Butler When You've Got Uhh Derrick Rose
The Timberwolves held Jimmy Butler out of their Halloween home game against the Utah Jazz, for honestly who knows what reason. Shams says it’s part of “a six-week-long process aimed at getting the All-Star out of Minnesota.” Woj says it was for rest. Either way, the Jazz are tough customers, and sit...
A Truly Brilliant Solution To The Problem Of People Wearing Non-Spooky Halloween Costumes
Recently my wife told me I would enjoy meeting a friend of hers, who she described as “a big Halloween person.” When I asked what made this friend a big Halloween person, she told me this friend made her own superhero Halloween costume from scratch this year. And I, a punctilious dickweed, skipped r...
After Eating Nothing But Pure Shit For Two Days, Maryland Dumps DJ Durkin
It took players walking out of a team meeting, the resignation of the school president, universal outrage, and public condemnations from the governor and the parents of a dead teenager, but finally Maryland has stumbled desperately into the decision they should’ve made months ago:...
The Cavs Can Even Screw Up The Firing Of A Lousy Head Coach
What a weird, awkward situation they’re brewing up in Cleveland. The Cavs fired head coach Tyronn Lue Sunday morning, apparently without establishing whether their intended interim replacement was willing to accept the job, and now they appear to be gearing up the tank. Kevin Love is dead; they’ve s...
Kawhi Leonard Pestered Ben Simmons Into The Bad Kind Of Triple-Double
Ben Simmons, who can’t shoot worth shit, had the bad kind of triple-double Tuesday night, registering 11 turnovers against 11 points and 10 assists. This isn’t an especially rare feat in the NBA—Basketball Reference says it has happened 81 other times since 1977—although Simmons’s 21 combined points...
Jordan McNair's Father Feels "Like I've Been Punched In The Stomach" Over DJ Durkin's Reinstatement<em></em>
If it seems like Maryland’s investigative report obscured the question of basic responsibility for the welfare of players in favor of parsing and disputing the concept of toxicity in the context of a football program, probably that’s because those responsible for the future of the football program w...
Report: Prison Drug Use May Have Contributed To Aaron Hernandez's Death By Suicide
An autopsy performed in April 2017, after the death by suicide of former Patriots tight end and convicted murderer Aaron Hernandez, reportedly “came back negative for all substances” tested, including, importantly, synthetic cannabinoids. But a new report from the Boston Globe says the final police ...
Patriots Knocked Down A Solid Notch Or Two By Devastating Fan Sign
No recovering from this sort of burn, carefully printed out in landscape format across one half of a single 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper. Truly this must be the end of the Patriots dynasty as we know it....
What The Fuck, Warriors
Look at that fuckin’ score. Klay Thompson hit 10 threes in the first half. The Warriors went 17-of-27 from beyond the arc before halftime. That’s some shit where if I did it in 2K I would be ashamed, and would immediately turn the difficulty up....
Joe Lacob's Attempt To Hose Oakland Taxpayers Out Of $40 Million Rejected By Arbitrator
The Golden State Warriors are leaving Oracle Arena after this season, for a fresh new arena in Mission Bay and home crowds even more dominated by Silicon Valley parasites and vampires than what they see now in Oakland. If there’s any sliver of silver lining for Golden State’s Oakland fans, it’s tha...
Shaun White Earns Distinction For First Awful Celebrity Halloween Costume Of 2018
With an entire universe of Halloween costume options available to him—more established characters than you can count, tens of thousands of creepily sexed-up versions of those same characters, and infinite concoctions from his own imagination—Olympic snowboarder Shaun White landed on one that, detach...
Hawks Owner Tony Ressler: I Was A Big Dumb Idiot But Now I'm All Better
Tony Ressler bought the Atlanta Hawks in 2015 for a reported $850 million. The Hawks wrapped up a 60-win season that year, and made the Eastern Conference Finals. In the time that he has owned the team they’ve won fewer games each year, bottoming out last season with a 24-win tank fest, and they fig...
Woof, The Thunder Really Cannot Make A Bucket
It’s only four games, but man, it’s been a discouraging start to the season for the Oklahoma City Thunder. They’re now 0–4, with a home loss to the Sacramento Kings on their record, and what’s ailing them, very simply, is they just cannot put the ball into the basket. They’ve opened the season on a ...