miserableshitehawk Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nike Running Coach Alberto Salazar Hit With Four-Year Doping Ban By USADA
Legendarily shady running coach Alberto Salazar was given a four-year ban by the USADA Monday, for what it described as “orchestrating and facilitating prohibited doping conduct” while working for Nike as the head coach of the Nike Oregon Project. Dr. Jeffrey Brown, a consultant for the NOP, also r...
This Is The Move James Harden Spent His Summer Developing
James Harden teased a new, never-before-seen offensive move over the summer, something he’d been working on and perfecting this offseason, something that would be so intricate and unexpected that our poor, simple, obsolete brains would automatically assume what we’d seen must’ve been some kind of tr...
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Runaway Airport Supply Truck Getting JACKED UP
Due to the ongoing wussification of American culture at the hands of liberal snowflakes, crunching, destructive hits have mostly been pulled out of highlight packages, if not out of sports altogether. Gone are the days when you could look forward to Tom Jackson and Michael Irvin cackling sadisticall...
Brandon Graham Shows His Enemy's Face To His Mother, Who Surely Shall Taste Sweet Vengeance
Eagles defensive end Brandon Graham made one of the more impressive, albeit statistically unrecognized, plays to thwart the first of Green Bay’s two important fourth-quarter red-zone drives Thursday night. On second-and-goal from the one-yard line, Graham sniffed out a play-action bootleg play, cut ...
The Packers' Goal-To-Go Offense Was Too Cute To Work
Packers fans will be specifically frustrated by two themes from Thursday night’s narrow home loss to the Eagles: confusion over the pass interference review process, and Green Bay’s failure to convert on two late drives deep in the red zone, in a seven-point game. No one seems to know what the hell’...
Second Player Of The Night Stretchered Off Following Brutal On-Field Collision
Thursday night’s Eagles road win over the Packers was bookended by a pair of scary head injuries suffered by players who’d eventually be strapped to backboards and stretchered off the field. Jamaal Williams of the Packers went down on an illegal late hit early in the first quarter; Avonte Maddox of ...
“The game is fundamentally broken if the Warriors offense would improve by leaps and bounds if Draymond Green, a 69 percent free throw shooter, shot two free throws every possession and Stephen Curry never touched the ball.” A certain Kyle Wagner of the New York Daily News argues persuasively that t...
Red Sox And Rangers Cast Aside All Dignity In Battle Over Individual Statistical Milestone
Attention, sports purists! This blog contains details of two major league teams turning the late innings of a late-season baseball game into a deeply silly battle-of-wills over one guy’s pursuit of a statistical milestone. If reading about professional baseball players briefly abandoning altogether ...
New Orleans Radio Station Files Police Report, Accuses Gay Employee Of Tweeting Homophobic Slur At Himself
The ongoing controversy over the Twitter account of an Entercom-owned radio station in New Orleans directing a homophobic slur at their own weeknight sports radio host took an unexpected turn Thursday. WWL-AM leadership reportedly told New Orleans police that they suspect the host, Seth Dunlap, of a...
Athlete Yearns For Return To Warm, Encouraging Embrace Of Philadelphia Sports Fans
In a sign that the universe still has a couple utterly unprecedented tricks hidden up its sleeves, an athlete announced Wednesday that he is eager to be back among Philadelphia sports fans because of how appreciative and encouraging they are, as a group, relative to another set of sports fans....
New Orleans Radio Station That Called Its Own Sports Host "A Fag" Refers The Matter To Law Enforcement
The parent company of WWL-AM, the radio home of the New Orleans Saints and the LSU Tigers, announced the conclusion of its internal investigation into an incident in early September where the station’s official Twitter account was used to direct a homophobic slur at one of its own sports hosts. To n...
Columbia University Wipes Out Its Delightfully Chaotic Marching Band For Bullcrap Reasons
Sad, dispiriting news from the world of college marching bands: Columbia University effectively disbanded its wonderfully anarchic and mischievous marching band Wednesday, after years and years spent actively antagonizing the group and suppressing its creativity. The university communicated to the s...
Find Something You Can Enjoy As Much As Brian Dozier Enjoys Twerking While Soaked In Budweiser
The Nationals clinched a National League Wild Card berth Tuesday, via a doubleheader sweep of the Phillies. It’s not exactly a towering accomplishment—it earns them one do-or-die game and nothing more—but it’s worth remembering that the Nationals were at one point 19–31 on the season and looking tot...
Even In Defeat, Bryce Harper Owns The Hell Out Of Hunter Strickland
A funny moment occurred in the seventh inning of Tuesday night’s game between the Washington Nationals and the Philadelphia Phillies. Bryce Harper, pinch-hitting in the night game after starting the first leg of today’s doubleheader, came to the plate to face Nationals reliever and personal nemesis ...
The NBA's Traveling Rule Tweak Doesn't Fix Its Real Traveling Problem
The NBA Board of Governors tweaked the rule book last week in order to, among other things, “help eliminate the gap between the [traveling] rule as written and how it has been applied in NBA games,” according to a summary distributed by the league. The tweak defines the concept of the gather, which ...
Maple Leafs' Auston Matthews Charged With Disorderly Conduct Over Late-Night Mooning Incident
Auston Matthews, Toronto’s 22-year-old center, has a pretrial conference scheduled for Wednesday morning in Scottsdale, Arizona, related to a strange incident alleged to have taken place in a condominium complex at 2 a.m. back in May. Matthews, who may have been intoxicated at the time, is accused o...
Of Course The Skins Misspelled London Fletcher's Name During His Ring Of Honor Ceremony
Dan Snyder’s football clown show spent halftime of their Monday night meltdown loss inducting retired linebacker London Fletcher into the Ring of Honor of their miserable, far-flung hell-hole of a stadium. Fletcher spent less than half of his career in Washington and won zero playoff games, but wha...
Scott Boras Is Big Mad About Wet Bags
The Cubs were all but eliminated from playoff contention over the weekend, thanks to a four-game home series sweep at the hands of the dreaded Cardinals. To add, uhh, injury to injury, third baseman Kris Bryant nuked his ankle Sunday and stands a good chance of missing all of Chicago’s remaining six...
You Will Never Unsee Morgan Moses's Hasty Right Leg
I do not advise tuning in for the Monday night matchup between Washington and the Bears for any reason. Those deranged enough to watch this horror show have seen the Bears pound the bejeezus out of the home team in every phase, starting with a first-quarter pick-six to open the scoring. The especia...
Gregg Williams Gradually Turns Into Giant Pile Of Salt When Asked About Odell Beckham Jr.
Former bounty program architect and general sourpuss Gregg Williams was asked Friday about recent comments from Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr., accusing Williams of instructing his players to hurt Beckham during a game in 2017, when Beckham was with the Giants and Williams was with the Browns. Wi...