miserableshitehawk Page 42 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Vance McDonald Buries Chris Conte With Devastating Stiff-Arm
The longest walk back to the sideline of Chris Conte’s life had to come after this 75-yard Vance McDonald touchdown catch-and-run. Bring in the Eternal Sunshine machine to wipe this moment out of Conte’s memory forever:...
Seattle Somehow Reaches New Arena Deal Without Horribly Screwing Generations Of Taxpayers
The Seattle City Council voted unanimously Monday to approve a plan to let a group of private investors build a new stadium on the site of the current home of the Seattle Storm and the former home of the Seattle Supersonics, as part of a push to land an expansion NHL franchise later this year....
Add "Not Getting Ejected" To List Of Bryce Harper's Missed Goals For 2018
It’s been a shit year for Bryce Harper, measured against expectations, and even aside from the Nationals being an even bigger disappointment than usual. He came on in the second half, but he’s still gonna finish the year batting around or below .250, and with a growing reputation as a guy who can be...
Browns ... Win?
Well that was exhilarating. Baker Mayfield came into Thursday night’s game with the Browns down 14–0 and their offense doing just nothing, and he played a brilliant half of football to bring his team back, and the Browns secured their first win since Christmas Eve 2016. ...
Baker Mayfield Is Playing Like He's Not A Browns Quarterback
Tyrod Taylor was pulled late in the second quarter and ruled out for the second half after suffering a concussion against the Jets Thursday night. He was having a shitty game, completing just four of 14 passes for 19 yards, and leading the Browns to just four first downs and zero points. Taylor bein...
Browns Fan Saves Possum From Having To Watch The Rest Of Thursday Night Football<em></em>
A poor, foolish possum somehow made its way into the stands at Thursday night’s Jets-Browns game, in Cleveland. Maybe he’s a big Baker Mayfield fan! It’s unlikely the little fellow had a valid ticket—as such, he was captured and put into a box by a jersey-clad gentleman who seems really admirably co...
Angels' Francisco Arcia Makes Baseball History In Demoralizing Ass-Whupping
History was made in Thursday afternoon’s Angels-Athletics game. Surprisingly, it was not made by the Athletics, who beat the absolute shit out of the Angels by the football score of 21–3. No, it was made by Francisco Arcia of the Angels, who became the first MLB player ever to pitch, catch, and smo...
Isaiah Crowell Has A Special Gift For Browns Fans
Former Brown Isaiah Crowell scored a couple touchdowns in the first half of Thursday night’s Jets-Browns game. On the second of these Crowell used his touchdown celebration to do something very rude to the football, before throwing it into the end zone stands, to be caught by Browns fans:...
Conor McGregor Hypes Whiskey, Talks Wild Shit In Suitably Batshit Press Conference
Conor McGregor and Khabib Nurmagomedov sat for a press conference Thursday afternoon, a little more than two weeks ahead of their October 6 showdown at UFC 229. You will be pleased to learn that settling in for this nearly hour-long video is very much worth your time, as an enjoyer of absurdity and ...
Timberwolves Drama Turns Into Spicy Internet Beef Somehow Featuring Stephen Jackson
You’re going to have to put a little effort into keeping up, here, because it involves multiple different social media platforms, and I am getting too old for this shit....
Beefiest Chum Luke Voit Has To Do Something With All That Surplus Power
The one-armed bench press seems like a fine strength training exercise, although probably there are better ways of doing it than with a full barbell smashing off your chest. At any rate, if you were going to pick a baseball player to show up in a video doing one-armed 135-pound bench presses with a ...
USADA Says Jon Jones Can Return To The Octagon As Early As Next Month
The United States Anti-Doping Agency finally announced Wednesday its punishment of Jon Jones, for failing a doping test at UFC 214 last July. The USADA arbitrator found that Jones’s steroid use was unintentional, and hit Jones with a 15-month suspension, retroactive to July 28, 2017....
"League Sources" Say Karl-Anthony Towns Is A Donkey
All the reporting about the souring of the relationship between Jimmy Butler and the Timberwolves points to fit issues between Butler, Karl-Anthony Towns, and Andrew Wiggins. Butler’s “honest conversations” with Wolves brass led in short order to a trade request, and a list of preferred trade partne...
Jay Novacek's Kid Says He Suffered Severe Brain Damage From Fraternity Hazing Incident At Oklahoma
Football fans of a certain age will remember Jay Novacek as the infuriatingly dependable third-down target of Troy Aikman on those dominant Cowboys teams of the mid-90s. Novacek retired from football in 1997. His son, Blake Novacek, was also pursuing a career in sports—sports broadcasting, to be exa...
Maybe Stephen Strasburg Is Doing This On Purpose?
In his last start, back on Thursday, Stephen Strasburg managed to plunk all of Jorge Alfaro, Matt Wieters, and umpire Hunter Wendelstedt, all with one pitch. It was assumed at the time that this was a fluky accident, but maybe not! Maybe he’s doing this on purpose....
Orioles Rookie's First Career Base Hit Turns Into Ridiculous Clown Show<em></em>
The Orioles and Blue Jays are currently playing a series that has no significance whatsoever to the greater baseball universe. The only reason to have these games is so such-and-such youngster can get his first taste of life in the majors. In this case the youngster is Orioles rookie outfielder DJ S...
NFL Hall Of Famers Are Already Backing Away From The Letter Demanding Better Retirement Benefits
The names of 21 NFL greats are listed at the bottom of the letter announced today demanding health insurance and pensions for Hall of Famers. By definition it’s an impressive list, but it’s getting less impressive by the hour: both Kurt Warner and Jerry Rice have now publicly disavowed the letter’s ...
Philly's Once Ambitious General Manager Search Finally Lands On, Of All People, Elton Brand
Not too long ago the 76ers were courting Daryl Morey to replace disgraced former general manager Bryan Colangelo, in a sign of the organization’s lofty ambitions for the next chapter of Sixers basketball. By that same token, not too long ago the Sixers were hoping to court LeBron James and Paul Geor...
The Reds Are Now The Property Of Christian Yelich, Those Are The Rules
Brewers outfielder Christian Yelich hit for the cycle in a game against the Reds back on August 29. It was a career night for Yelich, who finished 6-for-6 from the plate with three RBI in a wacky Brewers win. Yelich hit three dingers and drove in nine runs in that three-game series, so the Reds were...