miserableshitehawk Page 59 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kellen Winslow Jr. Says He Was House Shopping For His Mother-In-Law When He Was Arrested On Suspicion Of Burglary
Former NFL tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested last week on suspicion of burglary at a mobile home park near San Diego. Winslow was allegedly spotted entering an unoccupied residence on Thursday by a neighbor, who called police after a brief confrontation outside the home. Winslow was arrested...
Of Course A Yankees Batter Found The Open Bullpen Door In The Mets Outfield
If I asked you which team in all of Major League Baseball had a bullpen door accidentally left open along their outfield wall, and then had a sharply hit ball by the opposition find exactly the absolute center of that three feet of space, as if guided by the movement of the very cosmos, and go throu...
Possibly Alexander Ovechkin Might Be Having Too Much Fun, Beer
Last time we checked in on Alexander Ovechkin he was compulsively hoisting the Stanley Cup in various spots around Nationals Park after throwing out a pair of ceremonial first pitches. It was an early afternoon game for the Nats, leaving Ovechkin with a whole evening of freedom. So how’d he spend it...
Deadspin Up All Night: Cruel Summer
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Take it easy out there....
Brave Beer Improbably Survives Man's Head-First Pursuit Of Foul Ball
By far the most captivating part of this fan’s frankly alarmingly committed pursuit of a foul ball at Saturday’s Orioles-Blue Jays game is that poor beer in his left hand. Will it survive? Won’t anyone think of the beer??...
A Good Idea For Getting LeBron James Onto The Celtics
The Boston Celtics showed up, somewhat unexpectedly, on a list Stephen A. Smith made of teams “in the mix” to land LeBron James in free agency this summer (Smith is a dingus, but he was ahead of everyone on LeBron going to Miami in 2010, so his list can’t be summarily dismissed). The Celtics weren’t...
Alex Ovechkin Lets Go Of Stanley Cup Just Long Enough To Botch Ceremonial First Pitch, Drunkenly Sing "We Are The Champions"
Alex Ovechkin brought the Stanley Cup to Nationals Park today, where he threw out the ceremonial first pitch of Saturday’s Giants-Nationals game. Well, okay, the first two pitches—Ovechkin made a funny mess of the first one:...
We Now Live In A World Where Nick Young Is An NBA Champion
It was otherwise a shitty, forgettable NBA Finals series, but at least it produced this fascinating outcome: Nick Young (!) joins fellow Cinnamon Challenge hero and former Wizards knucklehead JaVale McGee (!!) as an NBA champion. The sheer improbability of Nick Young finding a role on a championship...
Cool Dads Stephen Colbert And Patrick Wilson Deliver Surprisingly Earnest National Anthem Performance
You will be forgiven if you look at the seemingly random pairing of Stephen Colbert and Patrick Wilson lining up to perform the national anthem at a Mets game and think “whuh?” Because, like, whuh? A comedian talk show host and the Insidious guy? Turns out, these nerds can fuckin’ sing!...
LeBron Busted His Hand In A Rage After That Game 1 Meltdown
I am certainly not going to pretend to believe this might’ve significantly changed the trajectory of the series, but it’s also not nothing: LeBron James reportedly played the last three games of the Finals with a busted-up hand after he punched a black board following Cleveland’s world-historic bone...
Thank God That's Over
Man, Game 4 sucked. Just as a basketball exhibition, it sucked, in exactly the way that all blowouts suck, before we even get to the part where it was an elimination game in the NBA Finals. However valiantly the Cavs fought earlier in the series, Game 4 made clear just what a ghastly, hilariously lo...
Extremely Online Baseball Knowers Go To War Over "Games Above .500"
Baseball is Ye Olde American Pastime, old enough to have developed its own language and customs and conventions. For example, everyone who follows baseball knows that “7.1 innings” should be understood to mean “seven-and-a-third innings,” even though that’s not at all how decimals work. You could re...
And Now Let Us Bask In The Radiating Joy Of Euphoric Caps Fans
I am always up for images of sports fans celebrating a championship—the euphoria is contagious, especially when it’s a fan base that hasn’t tasted the glory of a title in a good long while. For a nice appetizer, here’s the celebration on the ice:...
An Emotional T.J. Oshie Describes Winning The Cup In Front Of Father, Suffering Dementia<em></em>
You will get absolutely nowhere if you try to keep the emotion bottled up inside while watching Caps winger T.J. Oshie talk about winning the Stanley Cup with his father in attendance. Oshie’s father is battling Alzheimer’s disease, so big joyous events they can experience together take on added imp...
Universe Snuffs Last Remaining Spark Of Joy, Sends Vlad Jr. To The Disabled List
In an absolute bullcrap turn of events, dear sweet masher Vladimir Guerrero Jr. was sent to the disabled list Thursday with an injured leg. Per the Toronto Sun:...
Pseudonymous Redditor Breaks Julian Edelman PED Suspension News Hours Ahead Of ESPN Report
ESPN’s Field Yates and Adam Schefter reported Thursday afternoon that Julian Edelman is facing a four-game PED suspension from the NFL, pending an ongoing appeal. This is important news, for a number of reasons: New England’s receiving corps was thinned out during the offseason, making Edelman’s pro...
D.C.'s Chinatown Is Sinking Under A Sea Of Red
It has been a long, long while since the last time D.C. had any reason to throw a public sports watch party. With the Caps on a run through the Stanley Cup playoffs, and the weather around town holding up beautifully, Caps watch parties, taking place inside and around the Caps’ Chinatown arena, hav...
Deadspin Up All Night: Whatever You Want
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Death to pollen!...
![Mychal Kendricks, On Potentially Joining The Browns: [String Of Expletives]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/zanil3qihzvz2q5i0mud.jpg)
Mychal Kendricks, On Potentially Joining The Browns: [String Of Expletives]
This is probably just what happens when it is suggested publicly that a self-respecting football player would play for the Cleveland Browns if he had any other choice:...
Michael Wacha Blows Ninth Inning No-Hitter For The Second Time In His Career
For the second time in his career, Cardinals pitcher Michael Wacha carried a no-hitter into the ninth inning of a major league baseball game, today at home against the Pirates. And for the second time in his career, a lousy softly-hit single spoiled his shot at history. Three outs away from the 11th...