miserableshitehawk Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Irritable Lance Lynn And Persnickety Umpire Confuse The Hell Out Of Each Other
Texas Rangers pitcher Lance Lynn did not have an especially fun time facing the dreaded Yankees Wednesday night. For starters, Aaron Judge and Gleyber Torres socked another couple dingers off him, and he got next to no run support, and wound up taking the loss. To make matters worse, home plate umpi...
City Of Milwaukee Offers Sterling Brown $400,000 To Make Civil Rights Lawsuit Go Away
The city of Milwaukee is looking to settle the federal civil rights lawsuit brought by Bucks guard Sterling Brown, who was tased and arrested by city police in January 2018 over a parking violation. Wednesday the city’s Common Council voted to authorize a $400,000 settlement offer, while depositions...
Lonzo Ball Says His Big Baller Brand Basketball Shoes Were Flimsy Pieces Of Crap
In news that will come as no sort of shock to anyone whose admiration of the Ball family does not rise to the level of actual cartoon swirly eyes, the wildly expensive ZO2 shoes that were the foundation of the failed Big Baller Brand apparel line were apparently utter piles of shit, totally unsuited...
Mets Ninth-Inning Bullpen Implosion Special Even By Mets Standards
My God, the Mets. Phew. The hell they entered Tuesday night is a special, Mets-only hell. There are excruciating losses, and then there’s watching in horror as a sure-fire victory leaps out of the bag and lays waste to the dwindling hopes of your fading season. ...
George Springer Carted Off After Smashing Head Into Outfield Wall During Acrobatic Catch
Every time an outfielder tracks a ball to the outfield wall, there’s a small but not insignificant chance of something violent happening. Perhaps not quite on the scale of the outfielder in the baseball blooper reel from The Naked Gun, but danger is inherent anytime someone sprints toward a wall, es...
Shit-For-Brains Inter Fans: Italy Does Not Have Racism, Therefore Monkey Taunts Cannot Be Racist
A group of racist Italian soccer fans spoke up Tuesday to offer a defense of the character of another group of racist Italian soccer fans, in the wake of an ugly scene over the weekend featuring a player being showered with monkey noises during play. The twist here is the people doing the defending ...
Jerry Jones Flings Fresh Bullcrap In Expanded PR Campaign Against Ezekiel Elliott
Feeble elbow-skin sculpture Jerry Jones has ramped up his folksy PR campaign against holdout running back Ezekiel Elliott this week, as the regular season draws ever closer and Zeke’s attempt to negotiate a contract extension with ownership appears no closer to an agreement. Jones has already talked...
Last Man Standing In Bears' Exhaustive Kicker Competition Bonks Extra Point To Timbuktu
The kicker competition at Bears training camp has been an ongoing delight for anyone who is neither a Bears fan nor a kicker auditioning for the job. Nine—one two three four five six seven eight nine—kickers were initially rounded up and cast in Matt Nagy’s weirdly self-loathing quest to somehow ban...
Annoying, Obscure Rule Punishes Cool Play, Puts Winning Run Across For Athletics
An obscure and confusing rule sent the game-winning run across for the Athletics in their 9–8 win over the Kansas City Royals Thursday afternoon. I hate this rule. It punishes the defense for making a cool play when a thing that baseball can’t possibly want to discourage right now is cool plays....
Taylor Townsend Owned The Net And Worked Over Simona Halep
23-year-old American Taylor Townsend dropped the first set of her second-round match with reigning Wimbledon champ and No. 4 Simona Halep Thursday, looking sloppy and flustered and easily pushed around. Undeterred, Townsend roared back for a dominant second set and outlasted Halep in a tense third-s...
Another Pissed Orioles Player Had To Be Separated From Another Pissed Orioles Coach
In what is quickly becoming a late-summer tradition, another frustrated player had to be separated from a coach in the Orioles dugout as tempers flared during a loss. This time it was reliever Richard Bleier, who had something to say to O’s infield coach José David Flóres about defensive positioni...
Shaq Makes Sleazy Low-Ball Reverse Pitch For Cheap Content For New TNT Show
Shaq, that lovable character you can’t get enough of in his capacity as the grumbling grouch on TNT’s NBA studio coverage, apparently has a new docuseries—a fancy word that means “reality television show”— coming up on TNT. The show, apparently already hard-up for content, is hoping to put together ...
Physics Gets Up To Some Serious Mischief With Rhys Hoskins Double
Rhys Hoskins has been having a bad time of late. His current slump—he’s batting .130 in August coming into Wednesday night—was at the heart of Sean Rodriguez’s ill-advised rebuke of Phillies fans; Tuesday night, in a stupid and disheartening loss to the horrid Pirates, Hoskins dropped the relay thro...
In Mild Bummer, Jeremy Lin Is Headed To China
Perfectly serviceable rotation guard and tough-luck injury casualty Jeremy Lin was deeply bummed to find this summer that NBA teams had for the most part lost interest in him as a free agent. Now, a month later, Lin has made the decision to move on from the NBA and continue his basketball career els...
Christian Yelich Changes Walkup Music To Own A Random Twitter User
Reigning National League MVP Christian Yelich will appear in the upcoming ESPN Body Issue, the worldwide leader’s annual effort to capitalize on everyone’s desire to see the bare butt-cheeks of attractive famous people. The Body Issue is 10 years old now—no one who is not hoarding survival gear in ...
Phillies Walk-Off Hero Sean Rodriguez Booed For Criticizing Phillies Fans For Booing
Pinch-hitter Sean Rodriguez hit a walk-off dong Monday night to put his Phillies over the Pirates, 6–5, in extras. Afterward, in the post-game locker room, Rodriguez decided the moment had come to call out notoriously stubborn and impatient Philadelphia sports fans for their habit of booing players ...
Umpire Rob Drake Makes Compelling Case For Umpire Robo Drake
The way the robo-umpire experiment down in the Atlantic League is configured, it should not especially threaten the jobs of human umpires, who are still tasked with communicating balls and strikes and acting as a failsafe against computer glitches. That’s good news for all human umpires, but perhaps...
Keon Broxton Earns Ejection With Badass Long-Distance No-Look Glove Slap
I prefer to live in a world where the action that got Keon Broxton ejected from Monday night’s Yankees-Mariners game was 100 percent intentional. What’s more, I prefer to live in a world where Broxton becomes the Homer Simpson of the no-look glove-slap, and goes around flinging gloves across the fac...
Yessssssssssssssssss, Dwight Howard Is Joining The Lakers
Because it has been true for longer than I have been alive that the NBA is more fun when the Lakers are interesting, the news that Dwight Howard will be joining LeBron James and Anthony Davis on a Lakers team that is very serious about contending for championships is extremely welcome. This is not l...
Man Who Was Not Good At What He Did: "You Can't Be Good At What You Do If You Don't Pour All Of Yourself Into It"
Abject failure of an NFL head coach Hue Jackson got the Greg Bishop treatment over at Sports Illustrated this week. Bishop has made a lane for himself working up sappy redemption narratives for sad-sacks who don’t really deserve it. Jackson, a grating figure who got shit-canned by the Browns after g...