miserableshitehawk Page 63 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brooks Koepka Drops In A Ridiculous 208-Yard Albatross
Brooks Koepka shot a course-record-tying 63 today in the final round of The Players, which was good enough to bring him into the top five of the leaderboard. Lots of good stuff in a 63, but the true highlight of his day was an amazing 208-yard approach shot on the par-5 16th hole. Check this shit ou...
Israeli Professional Soccer Team Renamed After Greasy Huckster
The new U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem will be opened with a big ceremony on Monday. Ivanka and Jared will be there! I am not here to offer commentary on this development—it is deeply unpopular with basically the entire rest of the world, much like just about everything else the Trump administration has ...
UFC Fighter Pressured By Corner Into Absorbing One Final Round Of Brutal And Pointless Punishment
After the fourth round of Saturday night’s bout at UFC 224 in Rio de Janiero, a very tired and discouraged and busted-up Raquel Pennington told her corner “I’m done. I want to be done.” She’d taken plenty of punishment from Amanda Nunes to that point—her nose was broken, her eyes and mouth were swol...
Dwane Casey Thanks Raptors Fans For Being Canadian
It sucks that the Raptors fired Dwane Casey. They probably had to do it—they’ve lost like a hundred straight playoff games to LeBron James, and the systemic and cultural changes Casey engineered this past season made not even the slightest dent in James’s dominance, and they can’t any longer credibl...
Willson Contreras Is On An Unholy Tear
Cubs catcher Willson Contreras came into Wednesday’s game against the Marlins stuck in a bit of a slump, having gone 4-for-35 over his previous nine appearances. Contreras, who smacked 21 dingers in 2017, tallied just one in April, and hadn’t had a multi-hit game since April 10. The nine-game slump ...
Ichiro Survives Retirement, Fills In As Mariners Bench Coach
Asked last spring what his retirement might someday look like, Ichiro said “I think I’ll just die.” Which made his sudden retirement, earlier this month, darkly fascinating, if not downright alarming—would Ichiro fall down dead immediately after making the announcement? Would he lay down tiredly, de...
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Shit-For-Brains Columnist Says Existence Of Misogyny Should Prevent Becky Hammon From Being Hired, Unless For "Marketing"
Old man Pau Gasol wrote for The Players’ Tribune this week about the head coaching qualifications of Spurs assistant Becky Hammon, who reportedly has an interview lined up with the Milwaukee Bucks in the coming days. The upshot of Gasol’s letter is this: Hammon is exceedingly qualified to coach an N...
Lions President: Team "Followed The Rules" In Hiring Of Matt Patricia
The conversation around Detroit’s hiring of Matt Patricia has, for obvious reasons, wandered far afield from whether Patricia is qualified purely in football terms for the job of head coach, to how it is possible that the Lions were unaware of an indictment for sexual assault in Patricia’s past. NFL...
Ben Zobrist Calls Out MLB For Threatening Punishment Over Black Cleats
Cubs second-baseman Ben Zobrist likes to wear all-black cleats to home games. To hear him tell it, that’s no random fashion statement—it’s done to commemorate a time in baseball’s past when all-black cleats were the norm. But baseball has collectively-bargained uniform standards, just like every oth...
Brett Brown: 76ers "Need Help" To Win A Championship
However disappointed the Sixers and their fans may feel about a five-game series loss to the depleted Celtics, their season was an enormous success. They won a playoff series, and were the favorites to win another, and they certainly look closer to championship contention than all but maybe two or t...
Innocent Beer Rudely Displaced By Baseball
As baseball catching implements go, the beer cup is less than ideal—it’s minimally flexible, the opening is only slightly larger than the diameter of a baseball, and there’s dang beer in there! But a man will do desperate things to bring home a foul ball from a May Giants-Pirates game:...
Idiot Snake On The Field Pays Ultimate Price For Love Of Baseball
In the eighth inning of a San Antonio Missions Double-A game Friday night, a true baseball loving snake invaded the outfield and began making his way towards the infield, no doubt in search of the best possible view of the night’s action. Unfortunately, for his curiosity and enthusiasm for America’s...
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It Has Come To This: Coach Orders Brad Marchand To Stop Licking Opponents
A request from the league didn’t do the trick. A sternly worded letter has been sent; an NHL bigwig also delivered the message to the player and his team’s manager. Now we are here: Bruins coach Bruce Cassidy ordering his player to stop licking the faces of his opponents before the start of today’s ...
Max Scherzer Is A Fire-Breathing Dragon
The marquee pitching matchup of the day had former Cy Young winners Max Scherzer and Jake Arrieta pitching the rubber match of the Phillies-Nationals series. Arrieta was fine—he allowed a run on two hits and two walks in six innings—but Mad Max was downright historic:...
Pedro Florimon Ruins The Nationals With Slick Glove Fake-Out
Phillies starter Vince Velasquez and four relievers held a banged-up and disappointing Nationals lineup to just two hits in Saturday’s 3-1 Phillies victory. The Nats engineered eight walks in the game, but left eight runners on base and were 0-3 with runners in scoring position. They did, however, p...
Brandon Williams, Who Recently De-Committed From Arizona, Commits To Arizona
Top high school player Brandon Williams de-committed from Arizona back in early March, citing the “current climate surrounding U of A” in the wake of ESPN’s report of Wildcats coach Sean Miller being caught via FBI wiretap offering money to then-recruit DeAndre Ayton. The climate must’ve changed, be...
Unaired <i>SNL</i> Sketch Savages LeBron’s Worthless Cavs Teammates<em></em>
Donald Glover and the jokers at Saturday Night Live cooked up this sketch about “the other Cavaliers” for yesterday’s episode, but for one reason or another it was cut from the final show, for time. I predict you will enjoy it, so long as you are not one of LeBron’s current teammates....
They Finally Used The Bullpen Cart!
In the bottom of the sixth inning of Saturday’s Astros-Diamondbacks game, Houston reliever Collin McHugh was called in from the bullpen to relieve starter Charlie Morton. That is all the detail you’re gonna get, here, because BULLPEN CART BULLPEN CART BULLPEN CART!...