miserableshitehawk Page 67 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marlins Man Visits Marlins' Off-Shore Corporate Home, Finds P.O. Box And Many Confused Locals
In a move that is equal parts activism, investigative journalism, and performance art, and is rooted in one strange man’s performative loyalty to the least lovable franchise in baseball, Marlins Man apparently flew to the British Virgin Islands and sought the location of the corporate home of the Mi...
Golfer Kelly Kraft Misses Cut After Tee Shot Nails Bird Mid-Flight
I truly wish video existed of this event: Kelly Kraft narrowly missed the cut at the RBC Heritage in South Carolina Friday after his tee shot at the par-3 14th hit a bird mid-flight and dropped directly into a water hazard. Per the PGA’s website:...
I Am So Incredibly Ready For NBA Tanking To Be A Thing Of The Past
The 2018 NBA Draft Lottery, held just over a month from today, will be the last before the NBA institutes the new odds formula cooked up last September, designed to reduce or eliminate tanking. Spoiler alert! The new formula will not solve tanking, an inevitability that Adam Silver recently acknowle...
The Lowest Lowlight From A Slapstick Pirates Loss Was This Three-Run Sacrifice Fly
Though there were almost no fans in attendance to see it, something extremely dumb and good happened in last night’s silly Pirates-Marlins game: with one out in the bottom of the 5th inning, with the bases loaded, Marlins second baseman Starlin Castro skied a fly ball to right field for what would n...
Owner Who Sold Off All His Team's Best Players Wants Team To "Find A Way To Win More Games"
The Marlins beat the Pirates last night, at home, in front of fewer than 7,000 fans. Before the game new Marlins owner Derek Jeter spoke to assembled media about evaluating his team’s start, what it will take to develop a winning culture, and those dismal home crowds:...
Deadspin Up All Night: April Showers
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Shohei Ohtani Is Very Clearly Not From This Planet
I feel like if you’re even remotely a sports fan, you must tune in to watch Shohei Ohtani. What he is doing so far this season is genuinely insane. Listen to me! He leads the Angels in home runs, batting average, and OPS, and is second in runs batted in, and today he took a perfect game into the sev...
Report: Mitch Kupchak Will Take Over Charlotte Hornets Basketball Operations
The Charlotte Hornets fired general manager Rich Cho back in February, when they could no longer pretend like they’d done anything right since coming back to Charlotte, other than developing Kemba Walker and having a cool-ass court. Buzz Peterson, the team’s assistant GM and a college roommate of ow...
Ferrari Pit Mechanic's Leg Gets Bent In Several Wrong Directions By Accelerating Car
This is from the Bahrain Grand Prix, happening today in, uhh, Bahrain. Driver Kimi Räikkönen appears to release from the pit before the crew is ready, and this guy’s leg is immediately in front of the rear tire. Fair warning! The video is extremely fucking gross:...
Benches Clear In Diamondbacks-Cardinals When Yadier Molina Goes After Opposing Manager
A balls-and-strikes argument between Diamondbacks manager Torey Lovullo and home plate umpire Tim Timmons went in an unexpected direction this afternoon, when Lovullo apparently said something to Timmons that pissed off Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina:...
Bubba Watson Sends Eagle Putt Directly Into The Bunker
Owing to the insane three-day brilliance of leader Patrick Reed, Bubba Watson’s perfectly respectable six-under headed into Sunday at the Masters put him nowhere close to contending for the lead in the final round. An early eagle certainly wouldn’t have hurt the cause! I bring that up because Watson...
Report: Aldon Smith Arrested For Violating Electronic Monitoring Conditions One Day After Start Of Electronic Monitoring
Indefinitely suspended defensive lineman Aldon Smith, whose depressing list of off-field transgressions has long since overshadowed anything he ever did as a player, was reportedly arrested in San Francisco on Friday. This San Francisco Chronicle report says Smith was arrested for “violating a cond...
The Universe Must Deliver A Rockets-Thunder Playoff Series
The Oklahoma City Thunder handed the Houston Rockets just their 7th home loss of the season Saturday night, by the relatively low score of 108-102. The Rockets were without Eric Gordon and Ryan Anderson, but that’s not supposed to matter much—the Rockets had all of Chris Paul, James Harden, and Clin...
Anthony Rendon Lays Into Umpire Marty Foster For Erratic Strike Zone And Quick Temper
Marty Foster’s ejection of Anthony Rendon Saturday was puzzling enough that it immediately overshadowed the circumstances of the pitch that caused the conflict. Let’s get to that: it looked inside to Rendon; it looked inside on the broadcast; it, in fact, was inside—Foster’s strike zone was a little...
Hoo Boy, The Padres Lost In The Dumbest Way Imaginable
You really will not believe this one. The Astros had a man on second with two outs in the bottom of the 10th inning last night, against the Padres, in a scoreless game. Batter Alex Bregman popped a rising 3-2 fastball from Padres pitcher Phil Maton straight up in the air. Easy out! Guaranteed out. R...
Deadspin Up All Night: Red
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Another UMBC Underdog Has Knocked Off The Top-Ranked Team In Its Sport
Those frisky University of Maryland, Baltimore County Retrievers have done it again: just three weeks after their men’s basketball team became the first 16th seed to ever knock off a top seed in the NCAA tournament, their men’s lacrosse team dealt a wildly improbable upset loss to Albany, the top-ra...
Angry Baby Umpire Ejects Anthony Rendon For Absolutely Nothing
Anthony Rendon had never been ejected from a game in the majors headed into Saturday’s home game against the Mets. That streak—640 regular season games—came to an end in the bottom of the third inning, after Rendon struck out looking to end the inning, and was blatantly disrespectful to umpire Marty...
Indians Fans Taunt, Mock, And Scream Obscenities At Native American Protesters At Home Opener
The Cleveland Indians finally made the decision to at least scale back the use of the Chief Wahoo logo, starting next season, when the racist caricature will be removed from Indians uniforms, mostly so that the Cleveland Indians will be allowed to host the 2019 MLB All-Star Game. It’s a half-measure...
Shohei Ohtani's Third Dinger Was A Mighty Bomb
The Angels opened a home series against the Athletics Friday night, in a game in which 14 total pitchers were used, and neither starter made it past the fourth inning. Wait, hang on, 15 total pitchers were used—Shohei Ohtani, a pitcher, started at designated hitter for the Angels, and smoked this he...