miserableshitehawk Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Crotchety Rockies Broadcasters Wish Harm On Idiot On The Field
An idiot ran out onto the field during the second inning of Thursday night’s Rockies-Cardinals game in St. Louis. An army of security personnel briefly chased the goof around the outfield and then the infield. The crowd ate it up; the batter had a chuckle; even several Cardinals players appeared to ...
Packers-Raiders Preseason Game Played On 80-Yard Field Due To CFL Goalpost Issue
Thursday night’s Packers-Raiders game is being played in Winnipeg, at the home of the Blue Bombers of the Canadian Football League. Suited though the stadium may be for Canadian gridiron football, it turns out the field is not up to the job of hosting an NFL game, not without screwing around with t...
ESPN's Ariel Helwani Pops A Boner Over Having A Role In Conor McGregor's PR Campaign
Conor McGregor is many objectionable things. He’s a massive shithead, an outspoken bigot, a rich showy asshole, a violent rage-monster, a destroyer of other people’s personal property, and a puncher of helpless old men. He was accused of sexual assault in December. He’s also a man whose livelihood d...
Carlos Vela Crumples Up San Jose Earthquakes, Drops Them In Waste Basket, Pees In Waste Basket, Hurls Waste Basket Into Volcano
Carlos Vela is MLS’s top goal scorer this season, and is tied for second in assists, and a person doesn’t get to those positions in a professional league without being either a FIFA 19 creation or just comprehensively superior to 99 percent of the other people in the league. The numbers tell the lat...
Ball Boy Encapsulates Mets Fandom A Little Too Neatly
The Mets, not too long ago baseball’s hottest team, gave back a little of their late-summer mojo in a recent series loss to the Braves, and find themselves still tantalizingly outside of the second NL Wild Card spot. They’re still whole worlds better than they were in the first half, and as a result...
The Brain Of Nick Castellanos Has Transcended Time, The Standings
Professional athletes are known to enter some strange head-spaces in order to stay focused and conquer doubt and all the rest of it. Still, it must be said, Cubs outfielder Nick Castellanos is truly smelling the psychosphere these days. He was asked Tuesday night why he greets manager Joe Maddon wit...
Idiot Squirrel On The Field Successfully Invades Consecutive Twins Games
For the second night in a row, a daring squirrel has invaded the field at the Twins’ stadium. Monday night the furry fellow invaded the home dugout and sent several players fleeing in terror. Tuesday night our intrepid rodent pal bolted down the first baseline, nutmegged a baserunner, briefly leapt ...
Brian Flores Loads Practice Playlist With Jay-Z Tracks One Day After Kenny Stills Criticizes NFL's Roc Nation Partnership
Dolphins head coach Brian Flores and wide receiver Kenny Stills have not been on the same page when it comes to Stills speaking out about systemic racism. A couple weeks back, Flores delivered a weak-sauce admonishment when Stills criticized owner Stephen Ross’s hefty support of Donald Trump’s reele...
The Lakers Already Have A Center
Hey, remember back in mid-July, when the Lakers traded the moon and stars for one of the most talented young players in the NBA? Remember that? Remember when the team and the player did their big introductory press conference? Remember during that press conference, when that player—who is listed by ...
Jerry Jones Asserts His Right To Be A Dickweed About Ezekiel Elliott
Jerry and Stephen Jones held a press conference Tuesday with Cowboys linebacker Jaylon Smith, who just signed a hefty five-year extension with the team. Smith’s successful negotiations stand in stark contrast to those of wide receiver Amari Cooper, quarterback Dak Prescott, and running back Ezekiel ...
Antonio Brown's Helmet Saga Continues With A New Grievance Against The NFL
Antonio Brown was a no-show at Raiders practice Sunday, after recent developments offered tentative hope that his helmet saga was nearing a satisfying conclusion. Raiders general manager Mike Mayock expressed the team’s frustrations and eagerness to move on in a statement Sunday afternoon, but unles...
After Retrial, T.J. Simers Wins $15.45 Million Judgment Against The <i>Los Angeles Times</i>
Both sides eventually appealed a 2015 verdict that granted former Los Angeles Times hack sports columnist T.J. Simers $7.1 million in an age and disability discrimination suit against the paper. The Times appealed because holy shit, $7.1 million! Simers appealed because the amount was less than the...
Report: Oh God Yes, There Is "Mutual Interest" Between Dwight Howard And The Lakers
The Lakers are casting about for replacements for DeMarcus Cousins after the big man shredded his ACL in a pickup game in Las Vegas last week. The pickings are slim. Joakim Noah is available! Only slightly better than that experiment in re-animation is this: the Lakers have requested permission from...
Bryce Harper's Walk-Off Grand Slam Was Pure Catharsis
The Philadelphia Phillies were down to the Chicago Cubs entering the bottom of the ninth inning Thursday night. The Cubs have had a dicey bullpen all season long, so this was by no means a sure thing, but that doesn’t make what happened any less nad-rocking, for all but the most committed Bryce Har...
Jon Gruden Turns Worrying Shade Of Red Over Preseason Delay-Of-Game Penalty
Mike Glennon threw a 53-yard touchdown pass to [checks notes] Rico Gafford in the first quarter of Thursday night’s Raiders-Cardinals preseason game on ESPN. Immediately afterward, with the poor, addled fans in attendance still buzzing over the hookup, Oakland’s field goal unit took a delay of game ...
Nick Kyrgios Uses Bathroom Break To Demolish Two Rackets, Then Spits At Umpire In Latest Meltdown
Nick Kyrgios melted down spectacularly Wednesday night at the Cincinnati Masters, in a second-round loss to eighth seed Karen Khachanov, 6–7, 7–6, 6–2. Kyrgios completed a stirring comeback in the first set but started coming unglued in the second set, after chair umpire Fergus Murphy hit him with a...
Former MMA Guy Gives Alarmingly Cagey Interview About Working For Jeffrey Epstein
Igor Zinoviev’s mixed martial arts career ended unceremoniously in 1998 when he was wiped out in 22 seconds by Frank Shamrock at UFC 16. That brief seven-match career in sanctioned MMA ultimately will not go down as Zinoviev’s claim to fame—the Russian strongman spent years in the employ of recently...
The Skins Have The Amazing Ability To Complicate And Worsen Any Injury To Their Players
Colt McCoy was the presumptive favorite to earn the not-especially-coveted starting quarterback job in Washington during training camp. That race appears to be up in the air today, after head coach Jay Gruden announced Wednesday that McCoy will miss Thursday night’s exhibition against the Bengals, w...
Mediation Talks Between The USWNT And U.S. Soccer Were A Big Ol' Dud
The long-anticipated mediation talks between U.S. Soccer and the USWNT have already ended, as of Wednesday afternoon. You are likely just learning about this week’s meetings for two reasons; first, because the participants agreed to maintain “the strictest secrecy” about their details, including tim...
