mosesloaf Page 11 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Is Wayne Rooney's $50,000 Hair Transplant Responsible For His Goal-Scoring Binge? (No.)
Wayne Rooney was stressed. He'd had a rotten World Cup. The tabloids were accusing him of cheating on his pregnant wife with a prostitute. And his hair was falling out. So he did something about the hair. Now the sports magi can speculate about whatever tonic explains Rooney's bristling performance ...
Retired Grandfather Crushes Matt Damon's Uncle In Old Person Swimming
Retired breast cancer surgeon and grandfather of three Roger Allsopp today became the oldest person to swim the English Channel. At 70 years and four months, Allsopp beat the 2004 Guinness record held by George Brunstad, who was a youngish 70 years and four days when he crossed the Channel and who a...
Yes, Anderson Silva Is Being Likened To Muhammad Ali...
And Michael Jordan. And Wayne Gretzky. Okay, fine. Anderson Silva is a great athlete. He mauled Yushin Okami last weekend at UFC 134. But Ali, Jordan, and Gretzky rolled into one? Come now. Come. Let us not forget that a year ago, Silva was the one getting mauled for five rounds by Chael Sonnen unti...
A Former Six Flags Employee Contributes To Our Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction
Consider this your daily link to Dave McKenna's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," but here it is again for good measure. We'll post this until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is dosed with a few micrograms of polonium-210. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna ...
Clint Dempsey Can't Stop Scoring Goals For Fulham
Last season, Clint Dempsey became Fulham's all-time leading scorer in the Premier League era. That's pretty impressive for an American. Or a human. Dempsey is already adding to his tally. He scored twice in today's Europa League match against Ukraine's FC Dnipro. (The first one in the video isn't ...
IBF Orders Immediate Rematch Of Fight That Featured 12 Rounds Of Brutal Nut-Punching (Video)
Anyone in search of evidence that boxing is crooked need look no further than the above video. It's from the rather disturbing title fight last weekend between Abner Mares and Joseph Agbeko. Mares won a majority decision to take the bantamweight belt. He also won the championship for punching anot...
Robbie Keane Will Play For LA Galaxy, Import Sensational New WAG To American Soccer
Ireland, it is said, is a nation of begrudgers. 'Tis indeed. The only thing more brooding and begrudging than an Irishman is an Irishman crossed with a Russian Jew. And the current cause for begrudgery in Ireland is Robbie Keane....
Does The UFC's Fox Deal Mean MMA Has Finally Gone Mainstream?
Oh god. Now we're going to have this idiotic debate again. Sports Business Daily today reported that the UFC has signed a seven or eight year deal to air as many as four events a year on the Fox network. The deal represents "a major push into the mainstream for the UFC."...
FBI Investigating Obese Santa Claus Look-Alike And FIFA "Whistleblower" Chuck Blazer
Quick recapitulation: In May, Chuck Blazer, the lone American on FIFA's executive committee, alleged that Mohammed bin Hammam, who was running against Sepp Blatter for the FIFA presidency, had offered bribes to members of the Caribbean Football Union in exchange for votes. Blatter seized upon the op...
Only Real Men Drink (And Fight) At The Brown Derby Niteclub In Silver City, New Mexico
If you ever get the chance to talk to a professional MMA fighter, it's worth asking about the fights he had before he started making real dough. The grimy ones. Almost all the MMA guys of a certain generation have wild stories about scrapping in the streets or in the gyms after hours. Joseph Benavid...
Here's Video Of Manchester Riot Police Beating Down Some Bicyclists
Nobody can verify anything in this video, but the guy who uploaded it to YouTube says it shows cops beating "alleged teenage rioters on bicycles" who were trying to flee the city center last night. Instead, the cyclists got caught out on Jutland Street, near Manchester's Piccadilly Station, and a ...
LeBron James Urges Americans To "Take A Sheet" At The Mall
Maybe you saw the ads during the NBA playoffs when LeBron James put some kind of radioactive-looking flavor strip on his tongue and nodded sagaciously. The strips are called Sheets. They contain as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, along with a few vitamins so we can all pretend this isn't a bad i...
Asthmatic 61-Year Old's Cuba-To-Florida Swim Torpedoed By Asthma
We brought you news yesterday of Diana Nyad, a 61-year-old woman who was trying to swim from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage. Nyad would have broken her own record for cage-free swims. Unfortunately, she only made it halfway before being hauled on to a support boat in the middle of the night wh...
Asthmatic 61-Year-Old Woman Tries To Be The First Person To Swim From Cuba To Florida Without A Shark Cage
Endurance swimmers are impressive extreme athletes. Swimming long distances is brutal. And bad bad things happen to you in the ocean. Especially when you're 61 and have asthma. Not that that bothers Diana Nyad, who's attempting to make it 103 miles from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage. It's a f...
Jurgen Klinsmann Doesn't Think The United States Will Win A World Cup Anytime Soon
New U.S. men's soccer coach Jurgen Klinsmann sat down on Sunday for his "first private interview" with SI's Grant Wahl the other day. The heavens shook. Stigmata were touched. Then Wahl began asking several of the standard questions new American soccer coaches always get asked. The most standard of ...
Video Game Addict Quinn Pitcock Attempts Another NFL Comeback
In 2007, the Indianapolis Colts drafted All-American defensive tackle Quinn Pitcock in the third round. But Pitcock retired after just one season in the NFL. His early exit had nothing to do with injury or drugs or guns. Well, actually it did have to do with guns. Pitcock, you see, was addicted to v...
Has God Forsaken Tim Tebow?
Poor Tim Tebow. No matter how much time he spends on his knees, he's probably not going to be the starting quarterback in Denver. Kyle Orton has been practicing exclusively with the Broncos first-team offense. Tebow hasn't gotten a single snap. According to Woody Paige at the Denver Post, the young ...
Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part VI: Robot Surrogates And The Abyss
Consider this your daily link to Dave McKenna's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," but here it is again for good measure. We'll post this mother until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is frozen in amber so humans of the future can study the behavior of assholes in the 21st century. (For tho...
Jurgen Klinsmann: America's Newest Soccer Jesus
Jurgen Klinsmann was introduced to the media this week as the new coach of the U.S. men's soccer team, a development in the making ever since the U.S. Soccer Federation batted eyelashes at Klinsmann before the 2006 World Cup. The coach spurned the USSF then, and instead led Germany to a third-place...
Dan Snyder Is Now Campaigning Against The Rights Of D.C. Residents To Govern Themselves
Dan Snyder's lawyers yesterday filed a brief in D.C. Superior Court as part of Snyder's dumbass legal jihad against the Washington City Paper. Snyder's lawsuit looks for all the world like a "strategic lawsuit against public participation." Even the ACLU thinks so. Such "SLAPP" suits are deployed by...