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Detroit Can Finally Watch Some Decent Football This Sunday
Because the Lions are blacked out! For some inexplicable reason, the Lions failed to sell out Sunday's Matt Stafford vs. Jason Campbell showdown by today's 1 p.m. deadline, so lucky fans get to enjoy Niners-Vikings instead. [Detroit News]...

Binghamton Guard Really Knows How To Dish The Rock
Emanuel "Tiki" Mayben set a Binghamton school record for assists last year. Now he's been charged with slinging the kind of rock you don't put into a hoop—unless if by "hoop," you mean nose & lungs. [ESPN]...

Hines Ward Clearly Enjoyed Almost Decapitating A Man
After Hines Ward broke Keith Rivers' jaw with a nasty blindside block last year, the NFL implemented something called "The Hines Ward Rule", outlawing high blind side hits. Hines Ward won't abide, but he thinks it's pretty cute....

Fancyman NBC Columnist Would Like To Teach “Boorish” Jets Fans Some Manners
Michael Ventre has made a career out of condemning the sinners of sport with his fancy moralizing. But many feel his latest screed— "Fat, Boorish Jets Fans Have a Slovenly Coach to Match"— may have gone too far....

Rampage Jackson Quits UFC To Focus On Mr. T Impersonation
After blowing off his last fight to star in the upcoming A-Team movie, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson blogs that he's retiring. Special thanks to "the dumb ass fans that don't pay my bills or put my kids though college." [IFight365]...

Boston Now Leads The League In Bubbly, Young Sports Reporters
Jade McCarthy is the newest reporter to join NESN's broadcast crew—a team that already features Heidi Watney and Kathryn Tappen. [Red Sox Monster]...

The Opposing Team's Marching Band Will Not Break Your Fall
Notre Dame's Golden Tate: "I thought the people were going to catch me, but I forgot that was Michigan State's band...I jumped up and they scattered real quick and there was the ground hitting me hard." [FanHouse]...

Somebody Get Larry Fitzgerald's Brother A Clipboard
Look deeper into the Cardinals' 31-17 win on Sunday, as Larry Fitzgerald's brother did, and you'd realize too that Kurt Warner is an "OLD ASS MAN" who doesn't know how to run a team, 24-for-26 notwithstanding....

Darrelle Revis Takes "Man Coverage" To A Whole New Level
On covering Randy Moss: "If he went to the bathroom, I went too. I covered him any way I could. When he went to the sideline...I sat right across from him wherever he was sitting on the bench.'' [Boston Globe]...

Herschel Walker: "You're Never Too Old To Get Your Ass Kicked"
At 47, Hall of Fame running back Herschel Walker is the latest NFL retiree to jump on the MMA bandwagon. Walker, who just signed a contract with Strikeforce, is a sixth-degree taekwondo black belt, whatever that's good for. [FanHouse]...

If Boxing Weren't Dead Already, Max Kellerman Would've Killed It On Saturday
The most entertaining part of Saturday's Mayweather-Marquez fight—and I use that term loosely—was Max Kellerman's post-fight confrontation with Mayweather. It is the most abrasive piece of broadcast journalism since Jim Gray's All-Star Game interrogation of Pete Rose....

Thanks For Your Hardline Support
That's all for me today, folks. If you were willing to put up with my bullshit, you're a dedicated Deadspin reader. So pat yourselves on the back and enjoy the rest of your football weekend....

Deadspin National Poll Of The Week: Who Should Replace NBA Refs?
With the NBA referee lockout a foregone conclusion, we asked millions of Americans who they thought would make the best replacement referees for the upcoming 2009-2010 NBA season. Here are the results. [Source: Gallup]...

Another Reason Why It Would Suck To Play For Eric Mangini
Mangini fined a Browns' player $1,701 for stealing a bottle of drinking water from a hotel minibar. Which means Mangini only needs to catch 17.6 more Dasani-thieves before he can pay off the $25,00 he owes the NFL. [PFT]...

Is Michael Crabtree The Devil? Michael Rosenberg Thinks So
To the naked eye, Michael Crabtree's holdout symbolizes two things: greed and stupidity...but pure evil? SI's Michael Rosenberg reveals the twisted truth behind San Francisco's stubborn rookie....

Floyd "Fatty" Mayweather Fined For Performance Enhancing Blubber
Floyd Mayweather weighed 146 pounds at yesterday's weigh-in, 2 pounds over the stipulated limit for tonight's fight against Juan Marquez. The flub(ber) will cost him 600k, at 300k per pound...If only my girlfriend had that clause. Zing! [ESPN]...

Evil Russian Mastermind To Buy Nets In Crucial 'Phase 1' Of Operation
Mikhail Prokhorov (actual picture) is one of Russia's richest and most sinister men. Now he's extending his tentacles into America as the newest majority owner of the Nets. But what's he really up to?...

Your College Football Open Thread
Can Lane Kiffin's Vols cover the spread against Florida? How will TCU handle Texas State-San Marcos' explosive directional punting game? Sound off here. [CBS Sports]...

Twitter Officially Ruins Perfectly Good Rivalry
The hype leading up to Sunday's Jets-Patriots game has been lame: boring phone messages, oddly specific threats, and now a very catty twitter fight between two grown men that reads like an argument between 7th grade girls....

University Of Minnesota Bans All Your Rowdy Friends
It's bad enough that drinking is banned at Minnesota football games —but tailgating too? Those with rowdy reputations must now enter through special gate and get breathalized. Fail, and watch the game from a bar—where at least there's beer. [ESPN]...