patrickredford Page 127 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chicago Blackhawks Kick Their Season Off With Boneheaded Own Goal

The Blackhawks were always going to lose here. Down two goals with fewer than 30 seconds left in the game usually means certain death. You don’t have to make it any worse by casually scooting the puck into your own net, my dudes....

Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On <i>Jeopardy!</i> Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason

Man, Trebek really looked at her, took a breath, then dropped the hammer....

Hell Yeah, Underhand Free Throws Are Back In The NBA

Have you heard the news? ...

Hockey Idiot On The Field Climbs Onto Ice, Dances Around, Falls On His Ass

The NHL season kicks off tonight, but the most important hockey event of the evening happened in the Ontario Hockey League. During tonight’s game between the Mississauga Steelheads and the Guelph Storm, this climbing enthusiast got his way over the boards and onto the ice. The officials seemed less ...

So Many More Women Have Accused Donald Trump Of Groping And Harassing Them [Update]

The Trump campaign continues to unravel 27 days before the election. Less than a week after the Washington Post revealed that he and Billy Bush had casually joked about sexually harassing women and “[grabbing] them by the pussy,” several women have come forward, to a variety of news outlets, allegin...

First Overall Pick Auston Matthews Scores Twice In First Five Minutes Of NHL Career [Update: He Scored Two More]

Auston Matthews took the ice for the first time in his NHL career tonight against Ottawa, and immediately started scoring. Ten minutes into the first period, he popped up in the right place during a goalmouth scramble, and slipped his shot in....

Rockets Point Guard Bobby Brown Apologizes For Writing His Name On The Great Wall Of China

Rockets backup point guard Bobby Brown apparently does not subscribe to the principle of, “Take only photographs; Leave only memories.”...

The Giants Blew It

The San Francisco Giants spent the latter half of the year tumbling headfirst down the standings, forgetting how to hit the ball, and watching their bullpen blow any games they managed to keep close. It’s somewhat fitting that their season ended with a great big fart of a collapse....

Nevada State Senate Passes Bill Raising Taxes To Fund NFL Stadium

The Raiders’ plan to relocate to Las Vegas with the help of $750 million in public money got past the state senate today. The Nevada senate voted 16-5 in favor of Bill 1, which will raise room taxes in Clark County to help pay for the stadium. This does not mean, however, that excess money would sim...

Javy Baez Only Makes Spectacular Plays

The Giants finally remembered how to play offense and hit the baseball tonight, but Cubs second baseman Javy Baez is doing everything he can to shut them down. Baez only plays baseball at one million miles per hour, and he attacks approaching grounders like Jim Harbaugh attacks glasses of milk. ...

The Washington Nationals' Bullpen Finally Cracked

A Nationals starter hasn’t thrown a good game yet during the NLDS, but they managed to jump out to a 2-1 series lead thanks in part to a dominant bullpen. Tonight, they looked human for the first time....

Big Boy Jim Harbaugh Enjoys Huge Glass Of Milk With Large Steak<em></em>

“Would you like a drink to pair with your hunk of steak?” “Yes, can I see your two percent list?”...

Draymond Green Commits Latest Crime Against Balls By Bouncing First Pitch Into The Ground

Gregg Popovich Lovingly Booted Boban Marjanovic Away From The Spurs

The Pistons have signed three former Spurs players in the past two offseasons. Aron Baynes signed in 2015, and Ray McCallum (most recently of the Grizzlies) joined the team this year. Additionally, 7-foot-3 Serbian Hulk Boban Marjanovic signed a three-year, $21 million deal with the Pistons in July....

Tim Tebow Closer To Sainthood After Healing Sick Fan For Second Confirmed Miracle [Update]

Let me tell you the story of Saint Timothy of Gainesville....

Michael And Martellus Bennett Are Still Talking Outrageous Shit About, Well, Everyone

Nobody in the NFL gives nearly as good a quote as Michael and Martellus Bennett do. The brothers welcomed fans to the NFL season by dishing out burns to Eli Manning, Sam Bradford, Roger Goodell, and plenty of others. E:60 has a full profile of the brothers coming soon, and they released a minute’s w...

DeMarcus Cousins Knows His Music History

DeMarcus Cousins recently joked that he doesn’t know who Paul McCartney (the guy who did a song with Kanye West a few years ago) is. Undoubtedly, this comment caused a few pearls to be clutched and few fainting chairs to be fainted into....

Kevin Durant On Golden State Warriors: "They Didn't Get The Job Done ... I'm Glad They Lost"

Newly minted Golden State Warrior Kevin Durant saw his former team blow a 3-1 lead in the Conference Finals, then watched his new team blow a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals. When asked if it mattered to him that the Warriors lost, he gave a long answer about how much fun they appeared to be having and s...

Wisconsin-Based Vikings Fan Says He Was Stabbed Seven Times Over Inflatable Yard Decoration

While watching his team beat the Texans this Sunday, Vikings fan Dave Moschel heard a commotion outside in his yard where his prized Vikings inflatable lawn statue was standing. Moschel told WISC-TV that he went outside to find a 21-year-old rascal in the process of slashing his inflatable Viking ma...

Roberto Aguayo Goes From Goat To Hero By Finally Making A Field Goal<em></em>

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are a mediocre, waterlogged 2-3 team and the biggest story of their season is the fragile psyche of their kicker, who they traded up to draft in the second round. Roberto Aguayo was the most accurate kicker in college football history, but he struggled throughout the preseas...