willgordon Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Delirium Tremens: A Refreshingly Morbid Belgian Ale
Last week, Esquire published a gentle little rant decrying the rise of lower-alcohol session beer. The author's mistaken thesis is that the praise pendulum has swung too far away from the sort of mighty, boozy beers he prefers and too close to an imaginary wave of thin, watery Bud Light-alikes who...
Guinness Blonde American Lager Is Pandering To You, Badly
Guinness occupies its own weird niche in the beer world. It's owned by a gigantic international corporation (London-based Diageo) and is contract brewed in dozens of factories around the world, making it only nominally Irish, and not at all crafty or artisanal. Yet the brand's flagship stout is stil...
Does Banana Bread Belong In Your Beer?
Bananas are pretty good. I'm not sure if Deadspin has ever issued a ranking of the fruits (editor's note: duh), but they probably have, and it was probably wrong, because everyone always underestimates kiwis and pretends to be too cool for apples. But if I were ever consulted on such a project, I'd ...
Yuengling Black And Tan Doesn't Suck
Thanksgiving is the best holiday, and second place isn't close. I deeply regret that I spent several obnoxious years pretending that Thanksgiving is overrated. That's preposterous, for it is impossible to be too enthusiastic about a midweek vacation day devoted entirely to sloth and excess....
Most Fruit Beers Suck; This One Doesn't
For such a handsome and hopeful young man, it took me a remarkably short period of time to get a bit jaded about the Craft Beer Movement™. It's not that I don't appreciate good beer—hell, you could go so far as to say I even respect it—and I also like the fact that the overwhelming majority of Ame...
Sierra Nevada Is Still The Freshest
Good afternoon, gang! How's tricks? DID YOU VOTE?! I won't buy you a beer unless you voted. Nah, just kidding, I won't buy you a beer regardless, and I also don't like to jump down non-voting throats. I cast my ballot, because I'm a paragon of virtue—plus I have a soft schedule and was already wea...
Clown Shoes Pecan Pie Porter Is A Sloppy Good Time
This past weekend, my wife and I went to a quaint highway-side resort on Cape Cod to read magazines, pretend one clam chowder tastes any different from the next, and remember that the vast majority of Americans still don't give a shit what beer they drink....
Here's The Deep-Thinking, Super-Alcoholic Beer For You
When last we Drunkspun, we were so angry at Stella Artois for sucking that we completely overlooked the fact that we don't even need the good Belgian beer around anymore. We were so busy praising all the good Belgian beer, lest we look ugly and ungracious by failing to properly appreciate their ce...
Stella Artois Is A Disgrace To Belgium
A couple weeks ago, I wrote a big, trashy, sensationalist, and 100-percent accurate post titled "There Is No Excuse For Drinking Heineken," in which I argued that there are literally thousands of better-tasting ways to communicate to the world that you have a dollar more than the price of a Budwei...
Evil Twin Hipster Ale Is Cool, Just Like You
Evil Twin is an interesting operation. In the unlikely event you have any free New York Times articles left on the 28th of a pretty newsy month, you can learn nearly everything I know about that operation here. A quick summary: It's a contract-brewing company run out of Brooklyn by a Danish guy who ...
Just How Boozy Should Your Beer Be?
The very convenient truth about beer is that, if used as directed, it will often get you drunk. Thank god. There are so many great things that don't get you drunk: socks, coffee, shuffleboard, you name it; if its name isn't "alcohol," it doesn't get you drunk no matter how otherwise excellent it m...
Darren Rovell Is Bad At Beer, Too
ESPN business reporter, kale enthusiast (see above), and staff snitch Darren Rovell likes to tweet about beer sometimes. I don't know if he gets paid for these tweets (I bet he gets paid for these tweets), but regardless, he recently declared Cigar City of Tampa, Fla., to be America's finest brewe...
Texas Should Declare Independence And Make This Their National Beer
Yesterday, one of my idiot friends told me that certain South Floridians have expressed interest in seceding from the rest of the state. Roughly 11 seconds of exhaustive Googling just now failed to turn up much evidence, but let's say it's true. Makes sense. The government's way up north, and appa...
Great Divide Oatmeal Yeti Is A Neat, Sweet Beast Indeed
Big, boozy stouts tend to be expensive, and a lot of drinkers regard them as seasonal treats, so they're not among the most popular beers from a straight sales perspective. But if you brew a stout with an alcohol-by-volume percentage over eight and give it a price tag north of $7 per 22-ounce bott...
Four Loko Hasn't Killed The Malt Liquor 40 Yet, But Better Drink Fast
While screwing around on Twitter Sunday afternoon, I made the stunning and repulsive discovery that Betspin impresario Jay Sanin is a habitual Four Loko drinker. At first, I thought he just posted this picture as a goof, but further investigation revealed that he is a married man with two dogs, a ...
Sorachi Ace Is The Most Brooklyn Of Beers
I have very little interest in the concept of Brooklyn as a lifestyle brand or cultural signifier. For one thing, to call something "very Brooklyn" is woefully imprecise: Do you mean that little part of Brooklyn with the expensive strollers and the yogurt and the kale and all that other shit we ta...
All Pumpkin Everything: How Did Fall Turn Into Nutmeg Season?
The list of pumpkin-spiced items to which we are seasonally exposed grows longer every year: Since Starbucks opened the floodgates with the Pumpkin Spice Latte in 2003, we've been enticed, repulsed, and confused by similarly flavored vodka, bagels, yogurt, donuts, oatmeal, M&Ms, etc. And yes, this...
Scrimshaw Pilsner: Even The Best Beers Can't Defeat Dirty Draft Lines
Happy Sub-Five-Percent Friday, where we try to find a nice, gentle beer to help you minimize the damage from your inevitable weekend binge. ...
Bell's Two-Hearted Ale Is Contrarian-Proof (Dammit)
A couple of my friends recently went to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival, and they stayed out there for at least a week afterward to tour the local breweries, which made me jealous and depressed. Jealous for the obvious reason, and depressed because it forced me to realize that I'll nev...
Bear Republic Hop Rod Rye Is A Rye Beer Worth Fighting For (Or About)
The easiest way to upset a self-identified Beer Geek is to point out the nipple-blood that's soaked through his couple-of-Xs-too-small "Water & Barley & Hops & Yeast" t-shirt. After that, you might as well compound the problem by pointing out that lots of great beers contain all sorts of extra ingre...