Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Balls, Faces, Etc.

A good portion of Americans join softball leagues this time of the year. Many do it for the social aspect alone, which leaves many teams stockpiled with players who are ridiculously awful.

Each week, we'll rundown some of the more comically bad softball atrocities by some of these players. If you've got your own, please send it along to Of course, these are [Sic'd] for your viewing pleasure.


Tim's Nose Is Also A Gamer

Here's some pics of my buddy Tim after he took on an outfield fence and lost. Tim is what the softball community will call a "gamer", a softball junkie. He lied to the park district about his age so he could play when he was 16 and has been playing year-round for 20 years since(Dekalb has an indoor softball park). He can wear a different pair of softball pants for every game of the season. Tim is also the player that is not afraid to crash into a wall to make a catch.

Thursday night is mens 12" slow-pitch softball in Dekalb, IL. Last night was just the second game of the season. It was a deep fly to left-center and Tim goes back on it. He makes the nice catch and immediately crashes face first into the eight foot high chain-link fence. He held on to the ball until he hit the ground. Your move, Rick Ankiel. The pics are from the morning after the trip to the ER, complete with stitches and exposed cartilage. As I'm typing this the doctor is checking the x-rays to see if anything is broken. Oh yeah, no alcohol was involved, just nicotine. He has some pics on his phone that are from before the trip to the ER. I am anxiously awaiting those and will send them along as soon as I get them. I haven't talked to Tim yet but I imagine he's whistling through his nose while he talks, a la Jim Carrey from Me Myself and Irene. Enjoy!

The Smallest Victory

A few years ago some buddies and I started a softball team called the "Fuckin A's" and god did we ever suck. As a matter of fact we only managed one victory for the season. We arrived at the field and started warming up when the league commissioner showed up and informed us that our opponents would be forfeiting the game because they were attending a funeral. See, it turned out that a couple of the guys on the team were killed in a tragic boating accident and the rest of their teammates were mourning them at the wake. This was an awful way to get a win, and now we feel bad about it, but at the time it was our first victory of an already long season so we celebrated like we had just won the World Series.


At Least You Kept Your Glove Down

I have actually played ball all my life.. I was playing shortstop and took bad hop.. A really bad hop. This was the result.. Small concussion and lots of blood!


You Only Need One Eyebrow

I have been playing on a recreational softball team with a league in Santa Monica for three seasons. I am not very good, but I am friends with the team, so they don't complain too much about my lack of skills. I went to the batting cages, with one of my friends, in order to improve my skills at bat. I was finally hitting the ball consistently when I hit a foul ball straight up into my face. The ball hit my sunglasses, which cut open the area above my eyebrow and the ball gave me a black eye. But I have to say, ever since that day I have been able to hit the ball, which I had never done before. And I got some softball "street cred" if you will.


At Least He Married Her After This

My buddies wife (then GF) decided to play SB with work. No experience, but they needed a catcher. 1st game , 3rd inning, play at the plate.

Did not catch ball with glove, but with nose. Noses are not meant to catch softballs, hence its breaking. Wish I had a pic after a few days, her left eye was red , not just bloodshot, straight up RED.

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