Baseball Page 1032 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jose Altuve Is A Pint-Sized Destroyer
Last night, Jose Altuve went 4-for-5 with two singles, a double, and a triple. It was the second time this week he’s come up one hit shy of the cycle—he would have had it during Saturday’s game against the Royals had not tripped over second base on his way to a triple—but even without the attention ...
Ballhawk Zack Hample Throws Fit Because Someone Else Wanted A Baseball
The Yankees staged a wild comeback last night, erasing a four-run ninth inning deficit and walking off on a Didi Gregorius home run to beat the Rangers 9-7. But also, who gives a shit about the Yankees? We’re here for the grown man getting snitty over a baseball....
The Braves Are Going To Ridiculous Lengths To Squeeze Every Dime Out Of Cobb County
The Braves’ new stadium out in the suburbs of Cobb County—whose taxpayers are giving the team $400 million to build the traffic-clogging ballpark—is a textbook case in all the lies and exploitation at the heart of the modern public stadium financing scheme. Residents never got to vote on the use of ...
Evil Congressmen Want To Make Living Wage For Minor Leaguers Illegal
Minor league baseball players don’t make much money. Since 1976, MLB salaries have risen 2,500 percent while minor league salaries have only gone up 70 percent. Players in low-A ball start at $1,100 a month, while AAA players earn $2,150 per month. Monthly wages slowly increase the longer a player s...
Let Willson Contreras Show You How To Manage Getting Hit In The Dick And Balls
Not to put too fine a point on it, but: blunt force impact to the dick and balls hurts....
Ken Griffey Jr. Came Very Close To Convincing A-Rod To Jerk Off In A Cup
A new Sports Illustrated update on post-retirement Ken Griffey Jr. has a few fun stories from the Hall of Famer’s life, but the best one involves the time Griffey convinced an 18-year-old Alex Rodriguez that he could get lots of money if he jizzed in a cup....
Rockies' Grounds Crew Magically Transforms Hail-Filled Lake Into Respectable Baseball Field
Weather, as weather is wont to do, fucked shit up earlier tonight at the Colorado Rockies’ park before the team’s game against the Toronto Blue Jays. The field looked completely unusable, until the grounds crew worked their magic....
Giancarlo Stanton Is Still Here Killing People With Strong Home Runs<em></em>
“Giancarlo Stanton, what did that baseball do to you?” muses the Marlins’ color commentator. And, well, given the way the baseball was treated—namely, donged so hard you don’t have time to even think Hey wait I thought he was struggling this year? before it gets out of the park—here are some possibi...
Noah Syndergaard Lied To Reporters About His Injured Elbow, For Some Reason
Last night against the Nationals, Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard made his first start since being removed from a game with elbow discomfort. Syndergaard was not sharp, lasting just three innings and surrendering five runs, and right after the game Mets beat writers started reporting that Syndergaard ...
Joe Girardi Played Himself
There was a very weird baseball game in New York last night. The Yankees led the Rangers 6-5 heading into the ninth inning of a game that had been waterlogged by rainstorms since the fifth. Yankees closer Aroldis Chapman entered the storm to try and close things out, but walked the first batter he f...
The Cardinals Lost Their 36th Game
The Kansas City Royals scored four runs in the second inning Monday and never looked back as they beat the St. Louis Cardinals, 6-2....
Adam Wainwright Almost Murdered A Bird, Randy Johnson Style
Randy Johnson’s bird murder pitch remains maybe my favorite single pitch of all time. Baseball is a sport of massive data sets and averages, which makes strange wrinkles in the fabric of the game, like all 15 home teams winning, easier to appreciate. Johnson’s bird explosion job is the most videogen...
The Cardinals Lost Their 35th Game
Mike Leake surrendered five runs on nine hits in just 3 1/3 innings of work as the Mariners hammered the St. Louis starter early for a lead they never surrendered en route to a 5-4 win in Seattle last night....
The Cardinals Lost Their 34th Game
Adam Lind smacked a three-run walkoff homer Friday as the Seattle Mariners beat the St. Louis Cardinals, 4-3....
These Athletes Busted For Speeding Were Driving Slower Than Aroldis Chapman's Average Pitch Velocity Last Night
Yankees flamethrower Aroldis Chapman averaged 101.9 mph on his eleven pitches last night against the Twins—and that’s only because one of them was a changeup. How fast is 101.9 mph? Faster than cops clocked the following athletes when they were busted for speeding:...
Donald Trump Was A Youth Baseball Shithead
The Washington Post has a long, revealing feature about the childhood of Donald Trump, an extremely rude ham hock. We’re most interested in the section that deals with Trump’s childhood love of baseball, and the description of what kind of player he was....
The Mariners Lost In The Dumbest Way
The Seattle Mariners lost their sixth straight game this afternoon to move below .500 and cap off a long slide in which they’ve gone 8-19 and have been swept three times. Today’s loss was the dumbest. Starter Adrian Sampson injured his elbow warming up for the game but the Mariners managed to dinger...
Pierogi Race Ends With Scott Steiner Slamming Contestant
Wednesday’s pierogi race at the Pittsburgh Pirates game featured one Slavic dumpling delivering a Stone Cold Stunner to another, and subsequently getting clotheslined by Scott Steiner....
Terry Collins Got Sassy With The Mets' PR Director
The Mets had a stressful afternoon yesterday. In one inning against the Kansas City Royals, Noah Syndergaard and Yoenis Cespedes left the game with elbow discomfort and a wrist sprain, respectively. Things were looking pretty ominous for a bit:...