Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

As you may have heard, the NFL is out to hunt down and destroy boorish fan behavior at its solemn and dignified Sunday skull crushing meetings. Like several other teams, the Cincinnati Bengals have what is known as a "Jerk Line," a phone number that fans can call while in the stadium to report the guy who just poured a beer over their child's head. Of course, Bengals fans know who the real jerk is and have recently rallied around the idea of calling the line as often as possible to complain about the loutish behavior of owner Mike Brown. Bungles fanatics used blogs and sports radio to distribute the following message before Sunday's game.

wherever you are, call the Jerk Line at 513-381-JERK (5375) today between now and 4:00pm and report Mikey Brown by saying: "As a Bengals fan, Mike Brown is mentally and emotionally abusing me from his owner's box." Everyone should call ONCE, say the above line and hang up.


So how did it go?

I called at 1:04 and talked to a very nice lady. She said "Thank You" and I said "Your Welcome". It sounded like she may have heard that line before.... The jerk line employees had to have had a meeting about this. When I called the lady completely expected what I was gonna say and was very polite.... I called forty times. Starting at seven am while I had coffee and then every fifteen minutes until the end of the game.... I called, 5 times, the 5th time i called i asked why nothing had been done yet about my previous requests, she just said they were looking into the situation, asked if there was anything else.

As of the time of this posting, Mike Brown has not been detained. Also, the Bengals won their first game of the season on Sunday, so maybe the calls were accidentally re-routed to the Jacksonville coaches' headsets because that's the only explanation for the Jaguars' failure to record a victory. • Project Mayhem Task #1 Results [Who Dey Revolution] Photo: AP

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