There are few things out there that soften the edges of this cruel world quite like a funny sports video on Twitter and the even funnier armchair-expert responses that come along with it. The video making the rounds today depicts a group of Best Buy employees caught on the store’s security camera defending the exit as three men attempted to shoplift phones from the display in a perfect zone formation complete with a free safety in the back, complete with quick lateral shuffling to cut off the receivers’ — oops, sorry, the shoplifters’ — path to the door. One of the most poorly-executed shoplifting attempts that I’ve ever seen was quickly thwarted by a league-ready crew whose talents are clearly being wasted in the electronics store.
The quote tweets and replies are both endless and hilarious, as Twitter analysts break down the employees’ defensive moves and stances. Suggestions abound for the Jets and Lions to contact the store manager about signing the primary defender from the video for their defensive lines. The video will be studied in film rooms for years to come. The technique, the situational read, the full-floor coverage — you can’t teach those instincts!
The end of the play (or, whatever, the result of the attempt at shoplifting) isn’t recorded in the original video, which has amassed over seven million views since it was posted to Twitter by NFL Memes yesterday, but the wannabe thieves were slowed significantly by the wires that keep the display phones attached to the display itself, proving harder than they may have thought to pull away. Perhaps not the best thought-out plan of all time there.
The singular issue with this perfectly-executed nickel defense is that, at most stores, the security policy is not to pursue shoplifters. Best Buy employs a “no touch” policy that is supposed to prevent security from getting into physical altercations with suspected shoplifters. But alas, these guys were just in it for sheer love of the game. Every last one of them was ready to risk it all for those display phones.