Week 14 is here. Dreams will come true, or be shattered. Or begin to take shape only to be shattered at a later date. Join us down below.
Kansas City at NY Jets (CBS): Todd Haley returns to his old stomping grounds in the swamps of New Jersey where he specialized in wide receivers. [Beat] Now that he's in Kansas City he specializes in injured franchise running backs, injured frnachise quarterbacks and shy, frightened by physical contact wide receivers. [Beat] Jets win, but close, as always.
Tampa Bay at Jacksonville (FOX): Not even the entire state of Florida is getting this disaster. Poor MJD is the Don Mattingly of football—without the killer 'stache, of course.
New England at Washington (CBS): I don't get the NFL Network, so I heard about Roethlisberger getting injured via twitter. It made me think: "Hey, looking ahead at a game, you never think of guys like Roethlisberger getting hurt and missing any significant time due to that injury." That thought just made me now think: "Hey, looking ahead at a game, you never think about guys like Brady getting murdered and missing any significant time due to that murder."
Atlanta at Carolina (FOX): Jim Trotter has Cam Newton ranked ninth in the his Quarterback rankings. I'm glad you asked me who quarterbacks five through eight were because they are, in order: Tim Tebow, Alex Smith, Tony Romo and Eli Manning. Imagine being an alien and someone tried to explain what a quarterback was and why he was important and you were provided two instructive aids: Jim Trotter's list and film of the quarterbacks in Jim Trotter's list. [SI]
Indianapolis at Baltimore (CBS): First Archie Manning said he didn't think Peyton and Andrew Luck probably wouldn't want to play on the same team. Then he retreated and said he thought maybe they could co-exist on the same time. The 2011 Indianapolis Colts: Officially a side show. [LA Times]
Philadelphia at Miami (FOX): This game has the same narrative it had a few weeks ago, but the roles have been reversed. The team finally putting it all together as it fights for its mustachioed head coach, respect and a fifth win is now the Dolphins. The absolute train wreck of a team with its mustachioed coach on the way out of town is now the Eagles.
Minnesota at Detroit (FOX): The two win juggernaut that was unable to stop the mighty Tebow last week now heads to Detroit to try its luck against the new look Cincinnati Bengals. Instead of a hapless Marvin Lewis resignedly looking on as dudes get arrested left and right, Detroit has Jim Schwartz, who you get the feeling is putting a bounty on each fuck up for his team. "50 grand to the guy who spits in Leslie Frazier's face—and all the respect in the world!"
New Orleans at Tennessee (FOX): Here's a game with wild card implications for the AFC. New Orleans will not be on its home turf, but they're playing the Titans, so we'll call it...advantage New Orleans. Chris Johnson has been better of late and Matt Hasselbeck is certainly not Vince Young, so who knows, maybe they pull one out.
Houston at Cincinnati (CBS): Another game with some big implications, but the biggest question heading into this game is whether there are prop bets available for the next debilitating Houston Texans Injury. Over/under on Gary Kubiak leaving the game with transient ischemic attack? 2:1.
Via The 506. CBS:
FOX (late games included):