Bill Simmons Is Sad About The Sports Emmys, So We Made A Prize For Him

Illustration for article titled Bill Simmons Is Sad About The Sports Emmys, So We Made A Prize For Him

It breaks our hearts whenever a big-name writerer—someone like Bill Simmons, or Chris Jones, or Jason Whitlock—doesn't get the temporal recognition from an elite sliver of elite opinion that he (and it's always he) demands. These men DESERVE their awards. They DESERVE to be showered in garlands and sprayed with Korbel and beaten about the face and arms with tasteful silver goblets, I tell you!


Sometimes, the world is unfair. As you know Bill Simmons, Grantland founder and TV analyst, was supercrazymad that ESPN didn't win any Sports Emmys:

Actually, wait: ESPN won five Sports Emmys last night. THE PERFECT REVENGE from all those jealous haterzzzzz out there.

We've decided to bestow the third-ever Deadspin Good Writering/Broadcastering Award upon Bill Simmons and ESPN. TO HELL WITH THE SPORTS EMMYS, MR. SIMMONS. You don't need them! The Emmys are too blind to recognize ESPN's iconic blend of pointless arguing and outright plagiarism. Oh, and Chris Broussard! Surely, he merits some kind of ... well, something!


But back to Simmons and the hardships of being the star employee of a revenue-fat media empire:

My beloved wife and I got married 10 years ago today. (Happy anniversary, honey!) My beloved Celtics are trying to become the second Boston team to erase a 3-0 playoff deficit against a New York team. (Good luck tonight, fellas!) My dad is in town because my daughter turned 8 yesterday. (Happy birthday, Z, and hey, Dad!) It's a great day. I'm spending it the way I always thought I would — wearing a suit, doing halftime shows and watching four Game 6's in a cramped room with Jalen Rose, Michael Wilbon and Magic Johnson. Wait, what? WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO MY LIFE????


I KNOW! IT'S JUST SO KRAYZEE! Consider this award the pinnacle, you whiny, meltyfaced prick.

Deadspin Good Broadcastering Award by Jim Cooke