Break Out The Head Paint: Sixers Win Again!

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would be getting more sleep this weekend if the destruction of the Suns wasn't keeping him up at night. When he's not hating the absolute living hell out of the Spurs, he can be found stabbing his Tony Parker voodoo doll at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Wait...what game is it?! The Pistons must have accidentally set their playoff alarm clock to Game 4, and as a result the team never really showed up to their 95-75 loss to the 76ers. And that gave the Sixers — and their confetti-throwing fans — something pretty sweet to cheer about. Said Chauncey Billups: "They're not supposed to be where they're at. They're up 2-1 against a team nobody thought they could beat. I could understand why they're happy."

On the flipside, Mr. Big Shot didn't have much cause for joy after the game. He shot 2-for-11, missed all five of his three-pointers and had almost as many turnovers (3) as assists (4). Meanwhile, teammate Rasheed Wallace — who got T'd up for tussling with Reggie "Nutcracker" Evans — was jibber-jabbering at the officials instead of letting his game do the talking (2 points, 1-for-6, 4 turnovers). The vaunted Zoo Crew scored only 15 points on 5-for-17 shooting. In all, Detroit had a season-high 25 turnovers — 17 of which were committed by their starting five — while hitting only 27 field goals on 40 percent shooting. Get the picture yet? They sucked. Not so for the Sixers, who recently had a highway renamed in their honor. Andre Iguodala continued to struggle (10 points, 2-for-9, 6 turnovers) but Samuel Dalembert (22 points, 8-for-14, 16 rebounds) and Andre Miller (21 points, 9-for-14, 6 rebounds) more than made up for Iggy's lack of production. So what happened? Did the Sixers beat the Pistons, or did the Pistons beat themselves (again)? Detroit coach Flip Saunders said: "They did us in. I think they just forced us to play poorly." Said Billups: "They just beat us in every category. From the start, they had more energy than for whatever reason." That pretty much sums of the game, and also why the Pistons — for all their regular season success over the past few years — will never be the San Antonio Spurs (more on that below). Ah, the sweet smell of home cookin'. When a team loses its first two playoff games on the road, there's no better antidote for what ails them than going back home. They get to sleep in their own bed, resume their typical daily rituals and smoke their own personal stash of wacky weed. Or is that only Josh Howard? Whatever the case, all that combined with a 38-13 advantage in free throw attempts enabled the Dallas Mavericks to pull off a 97-87 win over the New Orleans Hornets. Actually, another key to the victory was replacing Jerry Stackhouse in the starting lineup with Jason Terry, and then using Terry (instead of the ancient and mummified Jason Kidd) to defend Chris Paul. Terry ended up scoring his series-high (22) and holding CP3 to only 16 points on 4-for-18 shooting. It was a nice adjustment that might just end up saving Avery Johnson's job (but I doubt it). Dirk Nowitzki was less grumpy and even more unstoppable, scoring 30 points (11-for-20), grabbing 19 rebounds, and dishing out a co-team-high 6 assists. Josh Howard shot poorly (5-for-16) and had an awful case of the munchies, but he still managed to put up 18 points. Speaking of poor shooting, the Hornets hit only 38 percent as a team. Only Jannero Pargo — who had 30 points on 12-for-20 shooting — was able to locate the basket. They'd better put a GPS on that thing if they want to have a chance of winning Game 4. Amare Stoudemire: "That is how you win a title." That's what Stat had to say after watching Tony Parker (career-high 41 points, 12 assists) eclipse his Suns and lead the Spurs to a relatively easy 115-99 win in Phoenix. And he's not wrong. Of course, it wasn't just Parker. It was also Tim Duncan (23 points, 10 rebounds), and Manu Ginobili (20 points, 7-for-11), and Gregg Popovich (who upset the Suns apple cart with two rounds of Hack-a-Shaquery). They flop, they complain to the refs, they foul intentionally to slow the game down to an intolerable crawl ... it may be gamesmanshit at it's worst, but it's also winning basketball. Championship winning basketball, even. And the Suns, well, they're in a world of hurt. Stoudemire had 28 points and 11 boards, but he did little to help the cause on defense. Leandro Barbosa scored 20, but ditto on the defensive ineptitude. Shaq put in 19 points, but he missed 8 free throws — including one stretch in which he crossed the charity stripe twice in a row, missed his next two, and then hit only one of two — which only justified Pop's decision to purposely and repeatedly send The Big Bricklayer to the line. Oh, and Steve Nash (7 points, 3-for-8) was handcuffed by the relentless bumping and grabbing of Bruce Bowen. Phoenix is now down 3-0. Hey ... what's that I hear?