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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Brett Favre's Dong Shines At Mardi Gras: A Deadspin NOLA Correspondent Report

Deadspin's NOLA/Parade correspondent, Christian J. Sauska, was summoned to file a report on the Brett Favre penis float pulled off by Le Krewe d'Etat. This is what he turned in.


As I was driving through the trash lined streets of New Orleans this morning, I wasn't sure why I was smiling. Was I smiling because my brain was running through the events of the ongoing Carnival season? Or was I smiling because it was almost over? It was supposed to be a tame Mardi Gras. 2 kids… new job… act like an adult... not so much. I blame Deadspin for my demise this Mardi Gras weekend. Word got out Friday that one of the Krewe' s had a Brett Favre themed float. So instead of being a solid citizen, good papa, loving husband, I transformed myself into "Deadspin Re-porter" on assignment at Mardi Gras. Game on.

I tried to dress like a reporter, flip notebook and all, with a homemade deadspin visor, Cuban cigar and a scooter to get around town. I tracked down the float at the staging area before the parade rolled. There was Captain Dong Shot, 15-ft high with cell phone in hand, renamed "Minnesota Chubby". I went up to the masked men on the float and introduced myself as Mardi Gras correspondent for Deadspin. "I love Deadspin!" one guy screams. Sweet, I'm in. All these guys dressed in full Mardi Gras flare riding the Favre float had Jets, Packers and Vikings hats. I asked if they had any dong-type throws instead of he regular Mardi Gras beads. Sadly, they did not. It was a little disappointing to be honest. I should be running this thing.


I really enjoy being a reporter but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I got everyone on the float to stand up and wave, though. A little victory. A lady named Mary Wood from Mary Wood Photo happened to be standing next to me and got the shot on a real camera. She emailed it to me and I told her I would try and make a plug. She rocks, is hot and has tattoos. If you need photo work in Nola, she should be on the short list.

So I saw the float, got some pics and took some video. I should go home but my interviewing skills suck and I feel like I didn't complete the assignment. I tried to get feedback from the onlookers on the parade route for a little bit. Then Mardi Gras happened. I scoot up to St. Charles, meet up with some friends camped out and the drinks start flowing. Everyone loves my reporter costume and hands me drinks. Even young cute chicks who would normally just see me (correctly) as a dirty old man talk to me. Ahh, the power of Deadspin. Before I know it the float is going by and I am talking to everyone about everything except the float. Shit! I am a crap reporter. Only way I got out of the house was because I told my wife I was on assignment for Deadspin and somehow she bought it. I can't just have a few pics and nothing else to show for it so I started running around with a crappy little camera actually interviewing people. Well trying to interview people. I swear I did not have the camera aimed at the girls boobs on purpose. I was talking and holding the camera in my hand and I thought it was on their faces.

Anyhow, some people knew Deadspin, some people didn't. Everyone knew Brett Favre story and most people actually talked to me. Many said that they would like to see more celebrity dong shots so I think there is a future for Deadspin. One guy I asked if he wanted to see more dong shots and he said, "Yeah, I'd dick it" Had me cracking up .

Low and behold the parade wound down. It's late, I finally have some passable reporter material but I am shit-faced and not sure where my scooter is. Getting a taxi is so not gonna happen and so one of those long sober-up Mardi Gras walks is in my future. I was glad to get home. I still don't know what I'm doing, but dressing up like a Deadspin reporter was awesome. If I didn't have to get home I could have run with it all weekend. Actually, the next day I dressed up as a beer wench for an annual Mardi Gras throw down called M.O.M.S Ball and I was not pretty. The group I was with requested I not post pics this year but I will see if I can get one.


It's Lundi Gras now and I am in the office. I'm heading out soon because this is my new favorite holiday. In fact, I love it so much I wanted to make a song about it. So I did. My friend and collaborator Charlie Kohlmeyer helped make it come alive and now it's available for the world. We hoped it would turn into a New Orleans classic, but a debut on Deadspin will have to suffice for now. Please buy it! Right now. Please? Thank you and Happy Mardi errr… Lundi Gras.


Christian J. Sauska is Deadspin's official NOLA/Parade correspondent.

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