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Well, you knew this was coming: the Cleveland Browns have been owned by another dead person.

Paul Stark passed away Dec. 27, 2017, of complications from a brief illness, exacerbated by the hopeless condition of the Cleveland Browns, at Stein Hospice, Sandusky.

This is from the obituary of Paul Stark, native of Mansfield, Ohio; surveyor; husband of Susan; ā€œfather, grandfather, friend, coworker, and neighbor.ā€ Another long-suffering Browns fan, hastened to death by hopelessness, striking back at the team from beyond the grave. Score another for Team Dead People. Paulā€™s obituary does offer a ray of (completely unsupportable) hope, in this otherwise inscrutable sentence:

Paul passed just before the Browns were prepared to turn the corner, but had many well-earned blessings.

The Browns were prepared to turn the corner. I personally take comfort from thinking of all the Browns-related pain and suffering Paul was spared by dying when he did.

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h/t Ben