Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Melo is traveling across Asia on a Nike promotional tour, and as we all know there's nothing to do in China but pose with disoriented panda cubs on your lap. Look at that thing! Its little paws joined in supplication, its little panda cloaca (or whatever) splayed to the world. Panda doesn't care about Carmelo making his HAM face, panda just wants some bamboo. God, I want a panda.

I also want the official Blue Panda Smock, previously modeled by Shaq. Now there was a man who knew who the star of the photo op was. Pointing to panda, letting panda do his thing. Panda's all like "gosh, you paid to have someone killed because they had a sex tape of you?" And then panda went and had sex, but couldn't have a baby for like ten years because pandas are evolutionarily retarded and can't breed enough to keep their species going even though we treat them like furry, monochrome gods.


But yeah. Pandas.

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