Chad Ochocinco's Soccer Career Gets Shown A Red Card

Your morning roundup for March 29, the day we got arrested for going helicopter waterskiing.


•Carmelo Anthony said the Knicks needed a win, and maybe David Stern told the refs they needed one too. Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu fouled out for Orlando (while the Knicks were somehow forced to make do without Shelden Williams.) New York prevailed in overtime, and is on their first one-game winning streak in weeks.

•So, this'll be fun. Perhaps starting this afternoon, a steady stream of ballplayers will be called to testify in the Barry Bonds perjury trial. Jason and Jeremy Giambi, Randy Velarde, Armando Rios, Benito Santiago, Bobby Estalella, Marvin's like the worst pack of baseball cards 1999 ever produced.

•The Celtics keep losing, falling even with the idle Heat for second in the East. They hung tight with Indiana for three quarters, but completely collapsed late. But that's almost bound to happen when Rajon Rondo scores 22.

•Todd Bertuzzi a dirty player? You don't say. The Red Wings winger hit an unaware Ryan Johnson and was ejected, with a possible suspension to follow. Johnson lost part of his ear; Chicago would win the game in OT.

•Chad Ochocinco took to the pitch for Sporting KC's reserve team and he looked like...well, someone who doesn't play professional soccer. That should do it for his nascent soccer career, but with the lockout still rolling, he's still got time to try out for niche sports like lacrosse, or beer pong.

•As if "Black and Yellow" and its thousand remixes weren't played out already, the Baylor Lady Bears are trying to get Lil' Wayne to record a version just for them. I'd say Weezy doesn't have the time to be making these for every team that comes calling, but he did make Rebirth, so he probably has too much time on his hands.


•Speaking of women's college basketball (and I know you were speaking of it), Notre Dame upset Tennessee to move to next week's Final Four. No Pat/Geno storyline this year, folks.

•Speaking of Tennessee — segues, people, segues! — new coach Cuonzo Martin says he isn't too concerned about the possibly sanctions-worthy mess Bruce Pearl left behind. He will be when he finds the dead cheerleader in the equipment room.


•Here's a lovely little tale about the boys of a small Thai fishing village, who loved soccer but simply didn't have the dry land to play. Their solution to that was deceptively obvious.

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Illustration for article titled Chad Ochocinco's Soccer Career Gets Shown A Red Card

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