Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Choking-Ass Glory Boy Rabbit Blows Huge Lead To Tortoise

Numerous genetic surveys have been done on the rabbit, but until this point in history, the potential existence of a clutch gene has been a scientific mystery. Are rabbits reliable performers in the clutch or are they wilting-ass chokers? Finally, we know for sure: Bunnies are weak as hell under pressure.

The evidence: a race between a tortoise and a hare today published by Super Deluxe. Anyone with a working knowledge of the animal kingdom (as well as, I suppose, an indifference to fables) would predict the bunny would win. They were on a tiny track and the dumb turtle guy even tried to eat some of the fake grass.


At one point, the bunny approached the finish line and sniffed around it a bunch.

Alas, he retreated to his corner and awaited his oncoming L. The tortoise took a whole 39 minutes and 23 seconds to complete the race (it took him about five to finish crossing the line once he started) but his time doesn’t matter, only that he whooped the bunny. Maybe the rabbit should’ve spent more time in the gym, like a true winner.


[Super Deluxe]

Share This Story

About the author