Choose Bill Simmons' Next Move

We've been accused, in polite circles, of being too nice to Our Boy Bill Simmons and, in not-so-polite ones, of "kissing his ass." We don't quite understand this; we make fun of Simmons as much as any non-"Cold Pizza" employee. We think it's because the rest of the Web has made it a mission, it seems, to tear down Simmons; we find those criticisms mostly a repetitive succession of "he's a sellout!" and "he's sucked since he moved to L.A." It bores us. We think Simmons' best work, yes, was when he started at ESPN and, after a while, as many words as that guy has written in the last few years, it was inevitable that some of his jokes would seem rehashed. (We're fairly certain that after five years, you'd get pretty sick of our NOOCH jokes too.) We don't think it makes him a terrible person. Sorry. We don't.

That said, we raised a most bemused eyebrow this morning when we saw the next in YAYSports! "Choose Your Own Adventure" series, this one focused on Big Bill. You'll be able to put yourself in the head of Simmons, choosing his next move. The first scene involves a late-night phone call with his much-maligned intern. The next move is all yours. (For the record, we chose, "Go to sleep.")

Choose Your Own Adventure: Bill Simmons [YAYSports!]