Chris Mortensen Is Not Well-Liked, According To Sources Close To Adam Schefter

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• Benches cleared during yesterday's Tony La Russa thought experiment vs. the Reds, and it had something to do with Brandon Phillips's calling the Cardinals "little bitches" the other day. Watch:

Some folks are calling this a brawl, even though the incident appeared to have all the violence and disputation of a Little League handshake line. La Russa and Dusty Baker were ejected, and thus two men who fill out lineup cards for a living will continue to swing their dicks at each other.

• Stephen Strasburg's pitching line against the Marlins: five doubles, a homer, two walks, six runs, zero fishes, zero loaves in 4 1/3 innings.

• The ever-inventive Craig Robinson of Flip Flop Flyin' has put together a musical history of the Dodgers that I'll just let him explain:

I assigned a music note to a position in the division (ie. a C note equals finishing first in the NL West - or NL prior to the NL West's existence. Lower notes for seasons when the Dodgers finished 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 8th, etc.) Tings equal World Series wins.

• Worth a look: Slate's new Moneygolf series, which, like its namesake, is also partly about computers and fat guys who do nothing but walk.

• And speaking of Chris Mortensen ...

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Good morning. Music Week rolls on.