Alright, who had cereal mascot playing umpire in the seats at LoanDepot Stadium on their 2021 scorecard? Nobody? That makes sense.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch has always been “The Taste You Can See”, but last night it showed that it was also the taste that can call balls and strikes.
Now, while your first instinct might be to believe that this giant piece of cereal was merely your average fan trying to make a name for himself, it was actually a promotional stunt by the ballpark. The Marlins and Twins both partnered up with the General Mills product at the start of September, and put ‘Cinnamojis’ in the stands, bullpen, and outfield walls.
The “Cinna-man,” not the Apple Jacks one, from last night’s game was more than likely just a marketing stunt put in place by General Mills, and that’s also probably the reason why that piece of breakfast propaganda was not kicked out of last night’s game. Could you imagine if a normal fan tried to pull off something like this? That would never go over well. Could you imagine buying tickets to a game, maybe you’re a family man and want to bring your son or daughter to a game. You shell out for some great seats right behind home plate to give your kids hopefully one of the greatest memories of their young lives. It all seems perfect in your head. Then, when you arrive at the ballpark and sit down in your seats, a giant gold square plops down right in front of you! I’d be livid if that happened to me. Thankfully, when I was watching the game last night, I never saw someone sitting DIRECTLY behind the cereal.
This was a phenomenal distraction tactic by the Marlins. It was funny, entertaining, and even got the broadcasters to take a break from the game to sit back and chat about cereal and Saturday morning cartoons. It felt nostalgic in a sense, even if one of the SNY broadcasters mistook the yellow square for a certain resident of Bikini Bottom.
This whole thing got me thinking: “Which breakfast mascots would make the best umpires?” Is there a prerequisite for being a phenomenal umpire? I have no idea. I imagine being taller helps. It could potentially give you a bird’s eye view of each pitch as it crosses home plate. However, umpires always bend down to right behind the catcher for protection anyway, so maybe height is actually a detriment.
Lucky the Leprechaun, also known as Sir Charms, from Lucky Charms would be the worst candidate. Apparently, Lucky is only 7.25 inches tall. He wouldn’t be able to see over the catcher let alone determine whether or not the ball was above the hitter’s knees. That would be a major problem. Another poor candidate would be Sonny the Cuckoo Bird from Cocoa Puffs. I think he’d make a fine umpire to start, but he’s subject to go crazy at any point during the game. If a fan doesn’t like how Sonny is calling the game, he or she could just start yelling about Cocoa Puffs, and Sonny would have to be escorted to the nearest mental facility to calm him down.
There are a few that I feel could do well. Tony the Tiger has always seemed a man who values sportsmanship and fair play. He’s got the height, morals, and commanding presence that all umpires need in order to control a baseball game. However, the cereal mascot I believe would perform best behind home plate would be Toucan Sam from Froot Loops, and I’m going to cheat a little bit. I’m going to give Sam his three nephews: Puey, Susie, and Louis as well. They’d make a fantastic umpiring crew. Just imagine having a bird’s eye view of every pitch. Toucans have phenomenal vision and the mobility to move around constantly and catch every close play. That being said, baseball does have a history of being unkind to birds, so maybe they’d want to sit this one out for fear of their lives.