A great honor has been bestowed upon me: I am now the NBA Commissioner (for a day). With this great power comes great responsibility, and I have decided to use it to change something that has been wrong with the association since its inception: NBA coaches don’t wear uniforms.
As discussed by my colleague Barry Petchesky, who wholeheartedly agrees with me in this as in all things, I’ve always felt it’s unfair that Joe Maddon has to wiggle into a full Cubs uniform every day and Bill Belichick, while not in full pads, has to wear team-branded apparel when you know he would rather be wearing ... well, actually that’s probably his preferred look. But NBA coaches: they just get to walk up in their Tom Ford and Men’s Warehouse suits and GQ it up on the sideline. Not on my watch! They should be repping their teams, being one with their players!
So, with the power vested in me as official NBA Commissioner (for a day) I am demanding that NBA coaches wear uniforms while coaching. I wish I had something sharp to say to the haters to back up why this should absolutely be a rule but really, I just want to see Gregg Popovich in a full Spurs uniform—compression short-sleeve under it, maybe in some gifted Kawhi PE New Balances—going off on a ref. Or Doc Rivers in a Clippers retro from his playing days with the organization, same number and all. Or Alvin Gentry, side-by-side, and twinning with Zion in full uniform, going over plays. This is the type of content I would like to see.
So, that’s it. That’s my rule change and those are my reasons. Adam Silver will obviously overturn this rule immediately and NBA Twitter will be outraged but I am okay with this being my legacy as NBA Commissioner (for one glorious day).