"I'm just trying not to be in the newspaper," said the professional basketball player who, according to police, urinated on himself while being booked for impaired driving. It almost worked.
"I play for the Pistons," Monroe told an arresting officer.
"Unless you told people that are going to tell people," that officer is heard replying, "we don't tell people."
The Pistons' big man was actually arrested in February and pleaded guilty in April, but the news didn't come out until this week, when the NBA announced Monroe's two-game suspension.
Huntington Woods (Mich.) police have released their report and dashcam footage of Monroe's arrest on Feb. 13, after he was pulled over for having a broken headlight. "I always feel short," said the officer when Monroe stepped out of his car, "but now I feel real short."
Monroe failed a number of sobriety tests, including being unable to walk a straight line, swaying while counting backwards from 100, and reciting the alphabet "without singing."
"I'd feel really bad if you went down the road and hit somebody and I didn't do anything to stop it," the officer tells Monroe in the video while administering the roadside blood-alcohol test.
Monroe told police he had had two glasses of wine. A breath test at the scene put his BAC at .089, above Michigan's limit of .08. Two more tests back at the police station registers .09 and .1
According to the police report, Monroe "urinated on himself during the booking process."
In a statement released by the Pistons, Monroe said,
"I take full responsibility for my actions and made a regrettable mistake. I apologize to my family, the Pistons organization, my teammates and fans. I will learn from this and continue by work to be a positive influence in the community."