Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Dad! Get Off The Court!

Pop that sweatshirt: Sir, would you kindly return to your seat? I don't believe the Ohio Valley Champions need any tax help right now. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

This connects to what?!: Don't worry, this skeleton will explain everything you need to know about A-Rod's hip. No, that's not Pedro Gomez. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]


What could go right?: How can Buffalo fans not be excited by the Terrell Owens deal? A colossal meltdown might actually make the team interesting for once. [Icy-Hot Sensations]

Hooked on phonics: Some Alabama athletes are in trouble for using their scholarship money to buy other kids free textbooks. Hey, at least they are reading. [Slow Breaker]


He does like to ski: A downhill skier tested positive for cocaine at the world championships, but says he couldn't possibly have done coke the night before—because he was too drunk. [Steroid Nation]

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