Darren Rovell Can't Tell A Two From A Five

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Darren Rovell is a petty dickhead. Because people make so many jokes about how he is a money-grubbing, soulless, post-human shill for rich old men and corporations, his sheer petty dickheadedness can go underappreciated, but it's really what defines him, which is why the very best Rovell stories involve him not only being a petty dickhead, but a petty dickhead who's wrong. This is one of those stories.

Things started when Rovell tried to get cute with Washingtonian-cum-Oklahoma City Thunder star Kevin Durant, who displayed his #Natitude to the world after the Washington Nationals clinched a playoff berth last night:


That's a weird number five—note that the bottom of it isn't totally flat—but Kevin Durant has Croesan wealth, and can definitely afford to buy a real jersey. A young soldier by the probable name of Cam came to Durant's defense, not because he's a Thunder fan, per se, but because Rovell is basura.

Sick burn, Cam. Rovell, burned by Cam's burn, replied:


The thing is, it's a fucking five, not only in the general sense that it's obviously a five and not an upside-down two, but in the more specific sense that this is what the fives the Nationals use on their jerseys look like, as illustrated by the detail at left, from a photo of Nate McClouth, who wears number 15.


Look at that not-flat five! It's just the same as Durant's! (He's wearing a counterfeit, mutters wrong-ass Darren Rovell.)


It would be pretty cool if ESPN's numbers guy knew what numbers looked like.

Photo Credit: Getty