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Dead Letters: "You Are Truly In A Deadspin"

Photo: AP
Dead LettersWelcome to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: It’s Pretty Messed Up That The Red Sox Might Be Shedding Payroll

From: Elisabeth M.

To: Barry Petchesky

It is YOUR journalism that is MESSED UP not the Red Sox. Right person for this MINDLESS website – Deadspin – IS deadspin. Never go by your junk! Red Sox are NOT!!!! Messed up

Sent from Mail for Windows 10

Subject: Tip

From: K Hommel

To: tips@deadspin.com

Trump Derangement Syndrome has your rag wrapped up. You have a severe case of the Syndrome. Accept the fact that Hillary’s not walking through that door. There is no cure for your Trump Derangement Syndrome. He will be in you past your dying days.

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Subject: (no subject)

From: Lisa Paccillo

To: David Roth

You are truly in a deadspin, have you considered having a lobotomy preferably with an ice pick, I heard it really does the job for morons suffering from the TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAJAHAHAHAHA you’re such a loser.

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Subject: Normal Man Donald Trump Hilariously Fucks Up Army-Navy Coin Toss

From: Tony Diaz

To: David Roth

The language used in your heading is indicative of your low and evil character. You are a disgrace to humanity, period.

Sent from my Verizon Motorola Smartphone

Subject: Trump

From: Lynal Scott

To: David Roth

Just like your email address- deadspin. Let me see ECONOMY-UP, welfare recipients- Down, Gdp - UP , Consumer spending- UP, terrorism threats- DOWN. OK now you can put your useless spin on any of the above. While your doing that get some lotion to put on your hurt butt and pass it to next whiner

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Subject: On meaning

From: J.J. McKeever

To: David Roth

Hi Dave,

Let’s be honest: we all had a lot of fun when a mediocre person crushed a perversely evil institution.

Like - it’s the best thing the country has seen in about 40 years.

By and large, the evil things in our midst never meet their comeuppance.

The bushes.

The epsteins.

The people who bought tickets to black panther and/or crazy rich Asians.

Upon reflection, however, one thing has become clear:

Peter thiel needs to rape you slags to death.

God I’m tired of leftist jews.

Subject: Conservative Gays Shut Up

From: Jake Jackson

To: Lauren Theisen

What makes a worthless, boring New York dyke think that she has anything worthwhile to tell anyone? Go fuck yourself, bitch. No one else wants to.

From: Jake Jackson

To: Lauren Theisen

I see that you hate whites. Does that include the insufferable bitch you see in the mirror?

From: Jake Jackson

To: Lauren Theisen

Afraid to reply? By the way, has anyone told you just how fuckin’ ugly you are?

Subject: Your column

From: Sean Claycamp

To: Lauren Theisen

Thanks. Please keep at it!! It’s important that people such as yourself speak up and speak out.

I mean.... you’re a lunatic and you can’t hide it under a bush right. Shout it to the world.

It helps the conservative cause to have potential converts read smug and self righteous diatribes such as yours.

Cheers!

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth

From: John White

To: Lauren Theisen

What do you hope to accomplish by using vulgar language throughout your article? Shock factor maybe? My guess is

you do not have a very good command of the English language and you need to say “cock sucker” to evoke some sort of reaction.

If you have any desire to be taken seriously as a writer/blogger/journalist stop writing the word “fuck” throughout your article.

It makes you come across as some know it all entitled millennial who is screaming for attention.

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Subject: My god youre miserable fucking cunt

From: Roy Morrow

To: Lauren Theisen

Maybe take the rest of the week off and reassess your life and decisions youv’e made.

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Subject: Some Deadspin Writer Called Me A “Traitorous Queer” - Barstool Sports

From: Roy Morrow

To: Lauren Theisen

You fucking miserable bitch.

[https://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/some-deadspin-writer-called-me-a-traitorous-queer/]

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Subject: Fuck you cunt

From: Randy Wells

To: Lauren Theisen

You fucking commie piece of shit, you need to shut the fuck up before one of these conservative faggots shuts you up. You fucking cunt

Get Outlook for Android

Subject: Holy crap

From: Mike Stanley

To: Lauren Theisen

Keep using the f-bomb idiot so we can substantiate how stupid you are. Good lord. What is wrong with you? Please keep trying to corrupt the country with your Deadspin bullshit. We see right through you. And your garbage. Thanks!!

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: Stick To Sports and Canadians, Cupcake

From: Podein Cork

To: Lauren Theisen

You ain’t got the brains for politics or morality. So take your pretty little ass back to kitchen where it belongs and get started on his dinner, bitch. It’s all you’re fucking good for.

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Subject: Your article on Gay Conservatives...

From: TJW

To: Lauren Theisen

proved that you are one sick bitch!

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Subject: Barstool sucks

From: Derek Powell

To: Lauren Theisen

Really immature and hypocritical of you to write an entire article about how people need to be more accepting, yet you spend the entire article belittling people based on their sexual preference and political views. This “feet in the ground” stance is why Trump is in office. People who aren’t willing to have a conversation and are too focussed on shoving their own beliefs down everyone’s throats are exactly why he was elected.

I hope your parents are proud of their daughter who choses to bash and belittle people with different views.

Sincerely,

Someone who never reads the trash on Deadspin but was #triggered when I saw Gay Pat blog about this on Barstool.

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Subject: If anyone needs to “shut the fuck up”

From: mlucky99

To: Lauren Theisen

It would be you sweet cheeks. You’re a borderline fascist who doesn’t believe anyone should have a different world view than you and the rest of the fucking liberal tools at Deadspin.

Oh and you write for Deadspin, the most irrelevant media outlet on the Intarwebs.

So you can shut the fuck up yourself...

Subject: Recent Article

From: Corey Simpson

To: Lauren Theisen

It’s amazing that you consider yourself a journalist. You contribute to the sensationalistic journalism that currently exists. Go start a blog to spread your radical left views.

Sincerely,

You’re A Joke and So Is Your Publication

Subject: (no subject)

From: Doug Pettit

To: Lauren Theisen

Yo you be just another stupid cunt. You ain’t even a cunt. Just a tranny freak with a play cock.

Sent from my iPhone

From: Doug Pettit

To: Lauren Theisen

[attached image of my Twitter avi with “tranny!” overlaid in white text and the words “made with mematic” in the lower left hand corner]

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Subject: Conservative gays need to shut up

From: Frank Pastorkovich

To: Lauren Theisen

Dear Lauren:

Not sure if this article was supposed to be a joke or satire, but if the article is truly how you feel deep down, then maybe you might want to seek psychological therapy. I don’t have the time to take your piece apart, bit by bit, which would be fun, but like taking candy from a baby, so no real fun in it, so I will just try an hit a few key points. One, freedom of speech. We live in America, WE ALL have the freedoms of the first amendment, and that includes you too. What happened to: INLCLUSION ?? I guess its just another liberal buzzword used to bully opponents into submission. Second. Collectivism: You liberals LOVE putting all people under the same umbrella. Just because I own a firearm does not mean I support mas murder or I am guilty of murder because some deranged person commits a heinous crime. You, I am sure own or have driven an automobile, then by your own logic are guilty of murder too, since auto accidents kill about 50,000 people a year. Assault rifles conversely, only kill about 200 people a year. Yes, you read that correctly, about 200. Knives kill far more humans than liberals greatest fear, ASSAULT RIFLES. Third. I don’t know what school you went to or how your were raised, but you have no right to tell anyone to shut up, except yourself of course, which you should do immediately since your arguments make no sense, except to yourself. And these are the kinds of people that Charles Manson fall under. Have a great day.

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Subject: Redskins football

From: Anthony Wimer

To: Chris Thompson

Look you are dumb as a stump they should not hire that piece of crap all he will do is bring that crap with him your talking about kneeling for the national anthem to this country’s capital you are a stupid stupid person and a dumbass!

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Subject: Raider Options

From: Byron D.

To: Barry Petchesky

I bet they play in the Crack of Rhianna Field. Not sure if it’s long enough but I hear it’s plenty wide enough for jet sweeps and reverse plays lol

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