Dear LeBron: You See This Shit?

Joe Johnson announced he's returning to the Hawks, and he did it via a column in the Huffington Post. I think you and I, LeBron, can do better than that. I've got a proposition for you.

Johnson's agent, Arn Tellem, took to the hallowed pages of the HuffPo yesterday to explain why Johnson is returning to the Hawks. (Despite what he says, the only possible answer to stay in Atlanta is money.) He mentioned you in passing, and I know you saw it because, like the rest of us, I'm sure you have a Google news alert out on your name.

That's why I know you'll see and read this as well: LeBron James LeBron James LeBron James LeBron James LeBron James.

Did you know the Huffington Post doesn't even pay its writers? Ridiculous, right? I too know the pain of the unemployed, trying to get your work published, even for peanuts or less. And right now, I'm sure your unemployment is tough. Having to have every prospective employer you meet with confirm your interview with the benefits office; can you believe that shit?

Sure you could live it up, have a Costanza-esque "Summer of LeBron." But sometimes people gotsta get paid. The HuffPo can't do that for you. We can.

So here's my idea: announce what team you're going to sign with here on Deadspin. Write a column for us. Craggs will edit out any grammatical errors and references to capitalism. We'll give it the pimp spot in that skybox up there. We'll promise to Digg and retweet it, so lots of people will see it. Like, tens of hundreds of people.

And of course we'll give you the standard freelancer rate, which, after we've reimbursed Crashtern for picking up lunches at Café Habana, should be in the high-$30 range.

So email us at [email protected] and we'll set it up. No, even better, just email me directly at [email protected]; I'm tired of getting scooped by the intern.

And for those of you reading this who aren't LeBron James, don't be disgusted by us begging for scoops. That's just how it works in the biz. Usually just not so publicly and pathetically.